he doesnt think i'm "the one"

[Progress01]

hey guys, this is my first post here, hoping to find some sort of advice or guidance.

 

this will probably sound absolutely insane, but is there any way someone can "wake up" and realize what an idiot they are being? my boyfriend and i dated for 2 and a half years. recently he told me he has been doing some thinking (for 3 weeks) about where the relationship is ultimately headed, and he told me he loves me and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, he just doesn't think i am the one.

 

now, i just might be thinking irrationally because i am in pain, but a part of me thinks he just cannot see what is in front of him. this is his first real relationship, and i wonder if he just has nothing to compare this to? another insane part of me thinks i can actually wake him up from his idiocy by talking to him - i want to tell him that we had everything you would ever want in a relationship, we had unfleeting "magic" for 2 and half years, so i don't know what he is expecting "the one" to be, if it is not this.

 

so there is a part of me that thinks by saying this, he will somehow wake up and realize what an idiot he is. but then again...should i have to say anything to him? shouldn't a guy just know if a girl is the one, without her having to talk to him in some way? ugh...any comments you guys have on the matter would be greatly appreciated. breakups suck.

[fresh8]

As you said, he has nothing to compare to. He doesn't know what a relationship feels like unless it's with you. So naturally, he wants to see what else is out there. I am not saying that you are second placed but that's just how us people work I guess. Maybe one day he will realize what he has lost now for giving up on you guys.

 

I know that my first relationship has been my longest. It lasted nearly 2 years and it was great. But I do remember that in the time leading up to breaking up, I too was thinking what your boyfriend was thinking. At the time, I obviously loved the girl but did not feel like it was strong enough to continue and that I did not really envision a future with her.

 

Looks like he's made the same decision as me in this instance. I'm sorry.

[D-Lish]

hey guys, this is my first post here, hoping to find some sort of advice or guidance.

 

this will probably sound absolutely insane, but is there any way someone can "wake up" and realize what an idiot they are being? my boyfriend and i dated for 2 and a half years. recently he told me he has been doing some thinking (for 3 weeks) about where the relationship is ultimately headed, and he told me he loves me and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me, he just doesn't think i am the one.

 

now, i just might be thinking irrationally because i am in pain, but a part of me thinks he just cannot see what is in front of him. this is his first real relationship, and i wonder if he just has nothing to compare this to? another insane part of me thinks i can actually wake him up from his idiocy by talking to him - i want to tell him that we had everything you would ever want in a relationship, we had unfleeting "magic" for 2 and half years, so i don't know what he is expecting "the one" to be, if it is not this.

 

so there is a part of me that thinks by saying this, he will somehow wake up and realize what an idiot he is. but then again...should i have to say anything to him? shouldn't a guy just know if a girl is the one, without her having to talk to him in some way? ugh...any comments you guys have on the matter would be greatly appreciated. breakups suck.

 

After 7 years together and only a year into our marriage, my ex husband told me that "he loved me", BUT "he didn't see himself growing old with me". That sent my self esteem into shambles. Nothing in my life has come close to affecting me the way those particular words did.

 

I spent another year with him just trying to change his mind. A big part of wanting to change his mind had to do with my ego. I knew we weren't right for one another as well- but the fact that he voiced it, hurt like crazy.

 

You CANNOT change how someone else feels. You can only look after yourself. You can talk until you are blue in the face- try and convince someone that they are wrong- but you'd only be banking on their guilt to stay with you, and that will only last short term. Not to mention that it's not rewarding!

 

Yes, a person should know if you are the one they want to be with. If they've gotten to the point where they have found the courage to voice it- they've done a whole lot of thinking about it by the time they've said it to you.

 

Regardless, give him space- give him a chance to know what life is like without you. That means being absent from his life. He can't discover if he misses you if you're always available.

[radrluv72]

After 7 years together and only a year into our marriage, my ex husband told me that "he loved me", BUT "he didn't see himself growing old with me". That sent my self esteem into shambles. Nothing in my life has come close to affecting me the way those particular words did.

 

I spent another year with him just trying to change his mind. A big part of wanting to change his mind had to do with my ego. I knew we weren't right for one another as well- but the fact that he voiced it, hurt like crazy.

 

You CANNOT change how someone else feels. You can only look after yourself. You can talk until you are blue in the face- try and convince someone that they are wrong- but you'd only be banking on their guilt to stay with you, and that will only last short term. Not to mention that it's not rewarding!

 

Yes, a person should know if you are the one they want to be with. If they've gotten to the point where they have found the courage to voice it- they've done a whole lot of thinking about it by the time they've said it to you.

 

Regardless, give him space- give him a chance to know what life is like without you. That means being absent from his life. He can't discover if he misses you if you're always available.

 

I totally agree. You can't change the way someone thinks. And I also agree that giving him space and a chance to miss you is all you can do.

[Mixed28]

After 7 years together and only a year into our marriage, my ex husband told me that "he loved me", BUT "he didn't see himself growing old with me". That sent my self esteem into shambles. Nothing in my life has come close to affecting me the way those particular words did.

 

I spent another year with him just trying to change his mind. A big part of wanting to change his mind had to do with my ego. I knew we weren't right for one another as well- but the fact that he voiced it, hurt like crazy.

 

You CANNOT change how someone else feels. You can only look after yourself. You can talk until you are blue in the face- try and convince someone that they are wrong- but you'd only be banking on their guilt to stay with you, and that will only last short term. Not to mention that it's not rewarding!

 

Yes, a person should know if you are the one they want to be with. If they've gotten to the point where they have found the courage to voice it- they've done a whole lot of thinking about it by the time they've said it to you.

 

Regardless, give him space- give him a chance to know what life is like without you. That means being absent from his life. He can't discover if he misses you if you're always available.

 

7 years?!?! man I would need therapy after that. Hell I saw my college counselor when my real first girlfriend dumped me after a 2 month relationship. Can't imagine 7 years. This also makes me think why couldn't they have figured this out on year 2, 3, 4, or 5?

[Fufu]

To me this is plain excuse, if they don want to be with us anymore, leave them. We have pride afterall