tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 This woman I have been flirting with the last few I found out is a trust fund baby. Literally. Her family lives in one of the most expensive and exclusive towns in the state. She went to a private ivy league prep school from grades 2-12 that currently runs about 30K a year for tuition. For college she went to a semi ivy league school. It makes sense though, she moved back here after being somewhere else for 10 years without really having a substantial career of any kind. She doesnt have to worry because she can always fall back on mommy and daddy. She is nice enough but this bothers me somewhat. My family was working people and I was the first generation to go to college. I am highly educated and do well $$ but not the kind of well we are talking about with these people. This is a whole other class of people. Thoughts?
Pfiend101 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I'll be blunt. It probably isnt worth your time. She is used to getting anything and everything she wants all the time. You on the otherhand like me are used to working for things. Not having anything handed to you. Women usually will not want to be with someone that makes less then them. Good luck. Id stay away.
Woggle Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 My wife comes from a well off family but they are a bunch of hippies and you would never know how well off they are if you just met them. They still made her go out and earn her way and they raised her with good values. It depends on what kind of values she was raised with.
daphne Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I've dated rich men who made their own money but never came from money like that. I don't think I'd be able to relate. I was brought up with a very strong work ethic and I did everything on my own and have done really well, so I might have a difficult time understanding or respecting someone who may not appreciate what they had because it was handed to them.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 My last boyfriend came from a very well-to-do family, but at a certain point, he turned down their financial help and only relied on them in that way when he needed a bailout of some kind. But he was not the most financially responsible guy, and it didn't seem like he really appreciated anything.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 What thoughts are you looking for? Sounds like you've already made up your mind.
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 This woman I have been flirting with the last few I found out is a trust fund baby. Literally. Her family lives in one of the most expensive and exclusive towns in the state. She went to a private ivy league prep school from grades 2-12 that currently runs about 30K a year for tuition. For college she went to a semi ivy league school. It makes sense though, she moved back here after being somewhere else for 10 years without really having a substantial career of any kind. She doesnt have to worry because she can always fall back on mommy and daddy. She is nice enough but this bothers me somewhat. My family was working people and I was the first generation to go to college. I am highly educated and do well $$ but not the kind of well we are talking about with these people. This is a whole other class of people. Thoughts? Obviously this girl is not the one for you. The resentment can be felt in your words. And, that's okay, it's your right to feel this way. let me ask. Has she ever worked and had a job? Earned her own paycheck? Or do her parents fork out cash for her, pay for everything? I have two good friends I grew up with, both loaded. One got everything and anything, never worked a day in her life and she still never has worked.. well, she has but not for more than a few months here and there. My other friend has money but always worked too. Her attitude is different and felt the need to make it on her own and not rely on her parents. She is independant and yes, has a trustfund, but she is keeping it invested for the future and for her kids.
lenny Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 The values issue I think would be the most significant. By judging her solely on the fact that she comes from money is kind of unfair. Also the statement made that women don't like being with men that makes less than them is a little off as well. I don't come from money but I do make good $$ and haven't ever dated someone that makes more than me - not a problem for me. I'd honestly be good with whatever income they make as long as they worked hard and were working at something they loved to do. I can understand how her background could be intimidating but I would suggest finding out more about her before you write her off. I'm curious about the statement you made about her having mommy and daddy to fall back on. Is that the vibe you are getting or is this your biases? Being off for 10 years without a definite career isn't necessarily the root of all evils either. Honestly, if I wouldn't have found myself to be all familied up at a young age I probably would have spent my youth traveling working whatever jobs I could find around the world before settling down.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I met two trust fund ladies last year. They are just people who got lucky there parents have tons of money and will always be financially safe. Sure they probably spend money on some luxuries you would not, or have the ability to buy most things they desire without second thought but that doesn't make them bad. I wouldn't judge this girl you are flirting negatively based on her simply being born into money. Learn about her personality and character. Go from there. There are plenty of broke and crazy chicks out their too.
Author tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I am not sure I have resentment but I have been around extremely affluent people before. I know their deal and how they think. I am not putting them down but they are what they are. Most of them have no concept of what it means to work for a living because they dont have too. They have no concept of sacrifice either because they have never had too. Honestly I dont know how much her parents fork over if anything. Its just the vibe I am getting. How bad would it be if I just stopped talking to her and faded out?
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 There's nothing to stop you from ending flirtation and fading out. Considering that it bothers you, this is the best course of action. But I am curious of the underpinnings to your attitude and assumptions, considering how little you know of her.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 rich people sort of hang out together this is usually more true of the parents than the children.
Author tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 There's nothing to stop you from ending flirtation and fading out. Considering that it bothers you, this is the best course of action. But I am curious of the underpinnings to your attitude and assumptions, considering how little you know of her. As I mentioned I have been around very affluent people before. They are quite predictable. This quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald sums it up: "Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me. They possess and enjoy early, and it does something to them, makes them soft where we are hard, and cynical where we are trustful, in a way that, unless you were born rich, it is very difficult to understand. They think, deep in their hearts, that they are better than we are because we had to discover the compensations and refuges of life for ourselves. Even when they enter deep into our world or sink below us, they still think that they are better than we are. They are different."
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Fascinating. Thanks for your explanation. Straight up, you're a snob.
Author tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Fascinating. Thanks for your explanation. Straight up, you're a snob. How is it that I am a snob ?
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 You're going to reject this girl based on her socio-economic level!
lenny Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 You have to admit - you're hardcore stereotyping here. You know how they are without finding out the individual's merits.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 The moral to this lesson is that if anyone else rejects you for your socio-economic level, don't you dare get hissy at them!
whichwayisup Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I am not sure I have resentment but I have been around extremely affluent people before. I know their deal and how they think. I am not putting them down but they are what they are. Most of them have no concept of what it means to work for a living because they dont have too. They have no concept of sacrifice either because they have never had too. Honestly I dont know how much her parents fork over if anything. Its just the vibe I am getting. How bad would it be if I just stopped talking to her and faded out?[/QUOTE] Top part I bolded. Because you used the "mommy and daddy" line, disrespectful to say. Maybe resentment is too strong of a word, but it obviously bothers you. 2nd part I bolded. No, just be honest and tell her that you can't see things working out. If you two have been spending time together you can't just all of a sudden distance yourself and fade away. She deserves more than that. Even if she is a friend.. You don't have to tell her the money thing bothers you, just say you're not ready for anything and wish her well.
carhill Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Thoughts? If you like her and she likes you, enjoy your time with her. Life is short and joys are fleeting. Think of her money as giving her the freedom to be who she really is. If that speaks to you, and your humanity speaks to her, embrace it
Star Gazer Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 My wife comes from a well off family but they are a bunch of hippies and you would never know how well off they are if you just met them. They still made her go out and earn her way and they raised her with good values. It depends on what kind of values she was raised with. I totally agree with this. Skiman was well-off, as was his family. You'd never really know it if you met them. It took me almost a year to really figure out how much money he and his family really have. Both he and his brother had to earn their own way - albeit in the family business, which is admittedly a cushier gig than if they were privately employed. But the performance expectations were still the same.
Author tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 You're going to reject this girl based on her socio-economic level! Really, tell me something I already dont know . Thats not being a snob, thats called being a realist.
threebyfate Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Really, tell me something I already dont know . Thats not being a snob, thats called being a realist. No, you know nothing about her and are rejecting her strictly due to her socio-economic level. Not this this bothers me. Everyone is entitled to their preferences. But you are a snob and if you're ever rejected for your socio-economic level, you can't say "boo" to it. And that's a fact! Now if you hadn't made up your mind with preconceived notions and perceptions, my advice to you would have been different. It would have included both potential upsides and downsides.
Author tincanman99 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Top part I bolded. Because you used the "mommy and daddy" line, disrespectful to say. Maybe resentment is too strong of a word, but it obviously bothers you. 2nd part I bolded. No, just be honest and tell her that you can't see things working out. If you two have been spending time together you can't just all of a sudden distance yourself and fade away. She deserves more than that. Even if she is a friend.. You don't have to tell her the money thing bothers you, just say you're not ready for anything and wish her well. Yeah we have been friendly and chummy. I am not understanding why I cant just distance myself and fade way. She will find another guy, there is always another guy. People do this all the time. Its happened to me, you just shrug your shoulders and move on.
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