sukivan Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hey everyone, I am going to try to keep this as brief as possible without missing any vital details. It is an interesting story, so don't hesitate to read it! I am 23; my (ex-)girlfriend is 21 but turns 22 in a month. We met at my sister's wedding 21 months ago and things were absolutely electric between us. We couldn't keep our hands off of each other; we still can't! I have been single all my life (she is not my first sexual partner, but the first girl I deeply cared about - I pushed girls away for a long time, focusing on myself and holding out for that "special person"). She is the opposite - she has been in long term relationships since she was 14 and has never really had time to be alone and focus on herself, has no post-secondary education, and works as a server. She has some interests - mostly animals/veterinary medicine - but has not pursued them. When we met, she had just moved into town 5 days prior so that she could - you guessed it - be alone and focus on herself. Our chemistry was amazing and we moved in together after 3 months. I was working an average job, living at home, and two semesters from finishing my degree. A couple months later, I got a "real" job, finished my degree, and we started renting our own place. That was about 10 months ago. This girl basically saw me through from being a boy to becoming a man. In the last couple months, I have been working exceptionally hard and not focusing so much on the relationship; things got a little bit stale and routine. She broke up with me at the start of last month and a few issues in our relationship came to light; I made some key changes (personal habits of mine, as well as communication in our relationship) and she promptly came back to me saying that she loved the changes she saw and we got back together. In that time, we both agreed that things between us were better than ever. It was like the "honeymoon" period of a relationship all over again, except it was due to us having worked out our issues rather than overlooking or being unaware of them (as is typical when you first meet). A week later, her parents came to visit and, after talking to them, she broke up with me again. She says that, after seeing how good we can be together, she had come to the realization that I am the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with. We talked about getting married, having children (not something either of us wants for several years, mind you), etc. HOWEVER, she wants to be alone for a while to sort herself out - she doesn't want to be a server all her life, and doesn't want to "live in my successful shadow", and wants me to be proud of her. She says she wants some time alone - with the intention of NOT being in a relationship with anyone else - to sort herself out. She is not happy with herself. She says she wants the freedom to "hang out" with other guys if she wants (platonically, she claims) but specifically says she will not date them or be physical with them. I made it clear to her that if she breaks this promise then I cannot come back to her. She says the only one she wants to have sex with and be in a relationship with is me. She says she is scared that if doesn't take this time now, she will never get it and will wind up resenting me for it - I recently saw this in my parents (who got married when my mom was 20) so I have seen first hand what happens down the road when people feel they were "trapped" at a young age. As much as I hate it, I know that she has to do this whether we have a future together or not. I have really focused on taking care of myself lately and she says she is more attracted to me than ever. I am the only guy she has ever been with that has brought her to orgasm (up to 6 at a time ), I am well endowed, etc, so I really don't think she is looking to stray for sexual reasons. I know she has been with several guys so I don't think this is about sowing her oats, either. She also says she wants to keep having sex with me during this time. I am a good looking guy, smart, in shape, am confident and outgoing, and make a ridiculous amount of money for my age (I know that seems superficial, but the reality is that it is a factor for women). I know I can find another girl - to be honest, probably a better looking one as well. I have hooked up with objectively better looking girls before her but it meant nothing to me. When I look at this girl's eyes, I see the most beautiful girl in the world - my heart belongs to her and her only. I surprised her by coming by her place this afternoon and we had incredible sex. I realized that, as much as I liked living with her, this is the excitement she had been missing (missing me and having me come over out of the blue, rather than the "routine" of living with someone and "expecting" sex) - because we moved in together so quickly and got so serious so soon, neither of us had much space from each other. I realized that, as much as I miss her sometimes, it is pretty nice to have some space from each other and feel that unbridled electricity when we do hang out. So I am slowly getting to a place where I not only understand the necessity of this separation, but am cautiously embracing it. Of course, I know there is a risk that she meets some other guy, but if that happens, I know I will be able to find someone else (and, as much as it will hurt, I will get through it). And, since she is the first girl I was ever really serious about, it will be nice to have another chance to date other girls before I take the plunge with her. My plan for the next few months is to focus on my work and go travelling to Europe in the summer (my best friend moved there a while back, so it will be nice to see him). I am undecided about whether I will pursue other women (casually) while travelling - I feel like this will be my last chance to "sow my wild oats" before returning and (hopefully) committing ourselves to each other. She says she knows I will hook up with other girls while travelling, and says she just never ever wants to know about it. I bought two tickets to a concert in September (for a musician that her and I both love), and she says she hopes we can spend our anniversary together (July 1st). I guess time will tell how this turns out. On one hand, I am fully aware that she could be playing me like a fiddle as her "backup" guy while she plays the field (then again, I am going to do the same, and she knows that, so it's not like I'm pining and waiting for her). On the other hand, she told her family that I am "the one" a week ago, and her desire to be alone (again, truly alone, *not* with other people) is completely legitimate and healthy for her to experience. In terms of day-to-day, I am unsure of how to proceed. I am not going to ignore her, but I will scale back communication dramatically and try to make sure that all of our time together is exciting and fun (which I don't have to try very hard for, thanks to our natural chemistry). Ideally, I would like to keep seeing her until I leave for Europe (probably May), sow my wild oats and enjoy myself for 2-3 months, then come back and get back together with her once her life is on track and she can commit to something more serious than casual dating. Having read this massive wall of text, anybody have advice for me? Anything at all, as long as you actually read my post and it's genuine.
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