rich46 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi, Quick recap. Long distance relationship with Japanese girl. 8 months. I lived in Korea but moved to a different part of Japan last August. So still long distance. I was planning to move closer to her next month but she got cold feet and started distancing, asking for "time and space" etc. I told her I couldn't maintain contact and be strung along, so in November started NC. Since New Year's Day, we had no contact whatsoever for about 7 weeks. I deleted/blocked her on MSN, deleted her number from my phone, erased photos, etc. Then a couple of weeks ago she texted out of the blue asking about my friends in New Zealand (after the earthquake) to which I didn't reply (I don't have any friends there anyway and she was just using that as an excuse to contact). A week later she texted again asking if I had changed my number...I replied after a few hours with "No, same one" and she again replied with an upbeat text with various smiley faces and such. One week later (yesterday) she texted "Happy Birthday Rich" and a few hours later I simply replied "Thanks." She then asked "How was your day?" and I haven't replied. It is the old dilemma now...what to do next. Deep down, I would like her back but maybe that is just a pride thing. I have been actively dating other girls recently and making progress, especially with one girl. My options appear to be: a) Ignore her. This would be easier to do if it had been a messy break up with cheating etc, but it wasn't...she used the old "time to think about us" line which confused me no end at the time. b) Reiterate that unless she wants to talk then I don't want to engage in chit chat. This may give her some of the power back though as I will almost be admitting that I still want her back (although she wouldn't know about the other dating!). c) Reestablish contact with her and see where it goes. Most risky option as she could well "disappear" once I start to bite more, and the power will be with her again. It may also confuse me and potentially interfere with my new dating. Any advice would be much appreciated. Which option do you suggest? I have healed about 90% so I am not stressing about this...I wouldn't lose any sleep if we never contacted eachother again. But conversely, we did share a lot of good times which are obviously still in my mind. Thanks for reading, Rich
traces Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 You seem to already know what you need to do. The "time to think" line is just that-- a line, to keep things at a distance. I recently an ex do something similar to me (also Japanese coincidentally, haha) at the point where things were about to really get serious. Just the way it goes... She probably feels bad, and misses your companionship/attention, but there's no reason to make things difficult for yourself (or her). Just ignore her, she'll understand.
tami-chan Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi, Quick recap. Long distance relationship with Japanese girl. 8 months. I lived in Korea but moved to a different part of Japan last August. So still long distance. I was planning to move closer to her next month but she got cold feet and started distancing, asking for "time and space" etc. I told her I couldn't maintain contact and be strung along, so in November started NC. Since New Year's Day, we had no contact whatsoever for about 7 weeks. I deleted/blocked her on MSN, deleted her number from my phone, erased photos, etc. Then a couple of weeks ago she texted out of the blue asking about my friends in New Zealand (after the earthquake) to which I didn't reply (I don't have any friends there anyway and she was just using that as an excuse to contact). A week later she texted again asking if I had changed my number...I replied after a few hours with "No, same one" and she again replied with an upbeat text with various smiley faces and such. One week later (yesterday) she texted "Happy Birthday Rich" and a few hours later I simply replied "Thanks." She then asked "How was your day?" and I haven't replied. It is the old dilemma now...what to do next. Deep down, I would like her back but maybe that is just a pride thing. I have been actively dating other girls recently and making progress, especially with one girl. My options appear to be: a) Ignore her. This would be easier to do if it had been a messy break up with cheating etc, but it wasn't...she used the old "time to think about us" line which confused me no end at the time. b) Reiterate that unless she wants to talk then I don't want to engage in chit chat. This may give her some of the power back though as I will almost be admitting that I still want her back (although she wouldn't know about the other dating!). c) Reestablish contact with her and see where it goes. Most risky option as she could well "disappear" once I start to bite more, and the power will be with her again. It may also confuse me and potentially interfere with my new dating. Any advice would be much appreciated. Which option do you suggest? I have healed about 90% so I am not stressing about this...I wouldn't lose any sleep if we never contacted eachother again. But conversely, we did share a lot of good times which are obviously still in my mind. Thanks for reading, Rich Interesting. Why do you qualify it with "Japanese"....instead of just being your "ex"? Do you think what she did is cultural? I am of Japanese heritage, btw... :p
Author rich46 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Tami-chan...not sure why. Do you have any advice? Traces - Thanks for your reply, i think you are right in that I know what I should do...ignore and proceed. If she is serious, then she won't give up too easily.
Gypsy_Soul Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 She's playing games with you. She had you but pushed you away. She might just want attention.
Author rich46 Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Update: I texted her earlier because she lives on the coast, and was at risk due to the tsunami. I figured it was more important in this instance. Anyway she replied and asked if I was ok, to which I told her I was fine despite having to get under the desks when the earthquake occurred. Anyway, I was just speaking to my brother on skype when my mobile phone was going crazy. After finishing the call, I had 8 missed calls from her!! And two texts saying "I'm upset and tried to call you" and "did you see my calls??" - very very odd. Any ideas? Seems like she is testing my resolve big time after my apparent slip (although i don't view it as a slip, as I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I'd not showed concern here). Thanks for reading... Rich
amerikajin Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 She's lonely and in need of a good plumber. She might have had other prospects that didn't work out, or she might just be bored. If it were me, I might be tempted to just have some fun on the futon for a night and then be on me merry way. But I'm guessing you've got some emotions invested in this relationship, which might make that a bit tricky.
tommy.is.my.name Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Man I hope you called her back after the 8 missed calls. Hope you guys are alright over there. My prayers to everyone in nipon.
Recommended Posts