danny0001uk Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Hi all I know this is going to be a really long post but i really need some advice so please take time to read! I posted this on another forum on the dates given but didnt get any advice so ive cut and pasted from then. Sorry its a really long essay i just want to give u all an idea of whats been goin on! Please help!!! Jan 26 2011 Ive been seeing this woman on and off for the past 3 months but it just feels like im doing all the work its always me that arranges to meet up and plans everything and im getting tired of it. I phoned her up this week to arrange to meet up during the week and she said why cnt we just leave it and see wat happens i dnt see why we have to arrange everything all the time!!! So i said even if u were goin to see ur mates ud arrange it but she still didnt get it. It just feels like im doin so much and get hardly anything in return. Wen we go out or meet up its always me that does all the driving even though shes got a perfectly good car. And sometimes when I say i want to come over shes says oh my sisters coming round for tea or I have work to do which i doubt. Last friday we both had nothing arranged so were both just sat at home and i said oh ill come round then seen as none of us are doin anything to which she said im goin to my mates house to watch tv anyways later on in the evening she said that she wasnt goin to her mates she just needs time apart. Then we spent all saturday and sunday together and it was fine!!!! She just makes me feel so insecure about her and wen we do arrange to see each other i neva actually believe its goin to happen until we actually physically see each other! Its seems like its one rule for her another for me if she wanted to go out and i said im not sure shed b like fine then dnt see me and go off in a huff. Feb 17 2011 Hi everyone Thanks for all your replies! Since I last posted were still seeing each other but theres still problems! She works one out of every 2 saturdays and saturday she had it off and i thought good we can spend some time together but i dint see her till like 7pm that night! She said she had to see her bro cause its his bday but 7pm on her saturday off!!! I know she got payed this week and surprise surprise this saturday shes goin out with friends!!!! Shes working all day this saturday to so I wont get to see her! Weve arranged to go out on friday night though and shell be staying at mine. A few week ago we went out on a saturday and she stayed at mine for my sis bday which she wa fine with. Then on sunday we got up i drove and took her food shopping when we got back she just siad oh i need to go now got stuff to do at home! This after shed just had a meal payed for in a fancy resturant the night before and ive just taken her food shopping!!! Today I said to her i mite come round 2nite she said shes goin for a meal with a friend and she dunt kno wat time shell b bk i said ok then well just leave it till 2moz she said well i dnt kno wat time ill b bk yet so ill let you know!!!!! I said to her were u goin she said she dunt kno cause she ant txted her yet lol Unless shes jsut made up this meal cause i went out with my mates yday for a meal! Wen i told her on the fone i wa goin out for a meal ast nite she said well im gunna go out for a meal to meaning last nite i started laughing saying its funny that your goin for a meal cause i am and she said ys it funny i said to her that if ud asked me i would have come round and she said i kno u would of but shes said im not staying in if ur goin out lol On valentines day she got me some presents and card in the card was a handwritten message saying im awesome and that she doesnt want this to end anytime soon and that im her star and that she loves me and stuff!!! Im thinking on friday after this meal just saying that i think its to one sided and that i want more than what we have at the min. And ive just got to be prepared to walk away Id like her to actually arrange stuff and its not be up2 her when we meet and when we dnt! but its like she would rather go out with her mates or chill on her own than actually be with me most of the time. I dont want to see her everynight of the week but its hard when she works saturdays then the saturdays shes off we dnt see each other till late. Hello all the more this goes on the more im getting stressed!!! 28 Feb 2011 Sicne i last posted weve still been seeing each other. Weve spent the last 9 out of 11 nights with each other moving between houses. Wen we spent 2 nites apart the night she saw me she said she missed me!!! So anyways on saturday i said to her so are we goin out and she said i dnt want that even though we are practically bf and gf. She said that she doesnt want to settle down cause the next relationship she wants is to be 'the one' I kno that her past bf/s have been dicks to her so i keep thiking if shes given them a chance y wont she give me one? She says she doesnt want to commit to anyone and i kno she isnt. I said to her can we at least say that we wont see other people and she said im not commiting to anything!!! I kno most blokes would love this situation but i really dnt want to start again with anyone else. I really do believe that she does care for me we spend so much times together. Weve even spoke about goin abroad and planning to go to festivals in the summer then she says she doesnt want to even say that we wont see other people! I just think that i am to nice to her and that she doesnt see me as a challenge. she knows that if shell ask me ova ill drop everything to go see her. I kno ur supposed to play it cool etc etc but im not into playing games when i try to the feelings get the better of me and i end up txting or ringing her. Pleas help cause i really do want a relationship with her but im scared of just becoming her 'toy' so to speak. Please help before i go crazy!!!!!! An update!!!! She came over to mine on saturday night and everything was fine but since then its like shes lost complete intrest!!! We used to txt and speak on the fone all the time but now its like shes cant b bothered i said to her are u ok is everything fine and she said ye im just busy alot even though nothings changed!!! Like 2nite i phoned and she txted me back saying im watching tv! Were sposed to be doin something on wed nite but shes acting so disintrested i think she mite call it off! I said to her on sunday do u want to go out on sat and she said she needs to see what her friends doin first so i was like ok then so i asked her again 2nite and she said she cant cause shes goin out with a friend i asked her which friend and she said dnt b nosey in a serious way and im just wondering if its a date as this would xplain the lack in intrest!!!! I said to her we will do summat friday then and she just said whatever!!! If shes on a date illl b really really gutted and wnt kno wat to do with myself. Im 25 and shes the closest thing ive eva had to gf which xplains y im so bothered bout losing her Please give me some advice im goin sick with worry!!!!
Lilmisus Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Wow, uh..you seem to have a few issues going on here. You seem to be way too controlling and it seems to be pushing her away. You said that you don't want to spend every single night with this girl, yet when you don't spend every free moment that she has, you seem to get upset. She has a life outside of your relationship, and you need to understand and respect that fact. If she wants to go out with the girls or spend time with her sister, instead of getting upset, why don't you encourage it and leave the ball in her court and say "okay, well why don't you call me when you think you have some free time?" By constantly asking when you can get together again in the future, and trying to make plans (no matter how used to it you are) it makes her feel like you're smothering her and she has to have every step planned out. You need to back off, give her some space, and not push a relationship on her. She's most likely seeing some other guy(s) and that's perfectly okay since she's not wanting to commit to you just yet and she's said so, probably multiple times now. She wants to keep her options open, and that's a good thing for her, especially if she picks you in the end out of any guys that she's been seeing. Like I said, put the ball in her court and leave it there. Don't push her to make plans if she's not ready to do so yet, and don't push her to do ANYTHING else or guilt her in anyway shape or form (driving, initiating dates, calling, etc). And if all else fails..move on.
lenny Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I think you really need to back off and just see how things develop. She may not be making any plans to be with you because you don't give her a chance. She seems to be wanting to keep this quite casual and is continuing with her life apart from you so why not do the same. If she's leering of getting seriously involved with someone you pushing to be part of her life is not going to help. It does sound like she does care but I think you should just go with the flow and back off.
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