Kissitgoodbye Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) My gifriend and i had a really passionate 5 months I'm a musician I had to leave for 3 months. I have a pretty beefy drinking habit. She pushed me into yelling and would cry a lot. My life on the road strained us. I tried my best to keep things going. I threatened to leave her one night. Then she made it clear she had been talking to someone else. I droped off her brand new Mac book and droid I got her for ex mas and she told me I'm a psycho. Come to find the other guy lives on the other side of the us. She is 18 and very sentive. I am at a loss she was telling this guy she loved him the next day. It's been two months. I tried to talk to her once after the split. She told me I'm to old and she hopes I die from drinking. All I did was wish her a happy b day and tell her I was happy for her. This was after 30 days of silence from me. She tells other people she hopes i die and very cruel things. In this two months I've lost 30 pounds and have really been doing well on my cd. I am just mind screwed she would leave me for a person she will never meet. It's sick and this is creepy. She has not tried to contact me. I've heard her creepy online relationship isn't doing so hot. What do you think her next move is? Thanks for your time. I'm very confused. I also will note I've got my drinking under control and the split has helped me a ton. She put a lot of stress on me. Edited March 7, 2011 by Kissitgoodbye Spelling
ShatteredReality Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 You need to concentrate on yourself right now. Getting a drinking problem under control takes more than two months...although I will say it's great you're working on it and please please continue to do so. Give her time to cool off and for her to realize this other relationship isn't going to work out. Give her her space. If she's saying terrible things about you then disappear from her life - complete no contact. You don't want to be treated that way. It won't help and if you do have a problem with drinking, no matter how hard you've worked, that type of treatment leaves you at risk to return to your habit and make it worse. Now is the time to concentrate on yourself...self improvement and such... BTW - she called you too old? How old are you?
Layzie89 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I also will note I've got my drinking under control and the split has helped me a ton. She put a lot of stress on me. Why would you want to go back then? You've got your drinking under control and are doing better without her in health, music, and state of mind. As Shattered said, keep doing what you're doing man. While you're bettering yourself you are also giving her the space and time she needs to think about the relationship she had so it's really a win win situation. You also noted that her new relationship is kinda rocky...telling her new bf she loved him the next day? That has rebound written all over it and it's destined to fail eventually. I can almost guarantee that she's most likely thinking about you, missing you and your awesome musician sex appeal more and more each day . Slap a smile on your face, and keep up with the NC brother!
Author Kissitgoodbye Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I'm 26 we met under some strange circumstances. And I'll say I've been to hell and back with her. Her family hates me. My family is very kind to her. I've been zero contact. I am really struggling with the idea of being dropped for a web cam. I defiantly know I have a long way to go with my booze problems. I don't see how a web cam campares to the life style I've shown her. Roller coaster to web cam. I just don't understand the hate. She was talking to him behind my back and walked out on me. After getting her gifts. Why so much hate.
Author Kissitgoodbye Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I have no good answer for why I want her back.
Author Kissitgoodbye Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I would like her back to make up for being abusive. I want to show her she was more important. Now that I think about it. Thanks for the kind words.
ShatteredReality Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I would like her back to make up for being abusive. I want to show her she was more important. Now that I think about it. Thanks for the kind words. Then be responsible about it - get your act together. Two months is progress...but it takes more than that to make permanent changes that will stick. You might even do some good attending a few AA meetings. I am not saying you're an alcoholic - but those folks have literally books of advice on coping skills. If you prefer, individual counselling. You need to find out WHY you have acting abusively in the past in order to recognize the tendencies. Many verbal abusers claim they didn't realize they were being abusive at the time and only recognized it later. The trick is to recognize it in yourself before it becomes external - what are the feelings you get in your chest or the thoughts in your head right before you have an outburst? Why do you drink? For pleasure or because of the emotional fulfillment? Therapy could definitely help you with these things. If you get her back right now you will eventually fall into old habits...so you need to make sure you have formed new ones in order to avoid the old ones. New habits take time to form. Let her learn that a webcam doesn't stand up to a real man, and hopefully by the time she figures it out you will be ready to show her how far you've come...but do yourself and her both a favor and Take the time to figure all this out!
Author Kissitgoodbye Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 You guys are both right. She ended it with that guy today. This whole thing was my problem. I sadly get rewarded for my poor behavior for a living. I learned that I care about somone more than myself. I guess that is what all this is about. I hope someone else will read this one day, and learn from me. You can't control who you love. Somtimes it isn't about, "you". It's about how much your willing to change for someone else. I'm glad you guys helped me make it that extra day. Thank you.
Author Kissitgoodbye Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 As far as drinking goes i do it to for any reason. Good or bad it's an exuse. I need to focus on not drinking. I have a drinking problem that has taken a lot from me. I don't remember a lot of things. Been to jail a few times. It took me loosing her to stop. I guess she was my AA.
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