breadcrumbs or legit?

[flitzanu]

been working on NC for a while now, not too successfully though. made it about a month though (which is a bit of a record over the past 6 months) and got a text from her (the ex) this time.

 

the text was simple, just saying she needs to know if i want this item back that i loaned her. 4 months ago i told her to trash it or do whatever with it if she can't return it to me properly, didn't care.

 

so, yes, a text about something that i thought was resolved 4 months ago, and i ignored, and 5 hours later a 2nd text stating she'd "like a reply".

 

ignored.

 

later, i catch rumor that she is moving. (this sucks but that's another story). due to moving, this COULD be a legit question to her, and not really "breadcrumbs", but i dunno. either way, i'd told her to trash it in the past since she wouldn't return it to me.

 

as for returning items, i was the one who had to go pick up my things from her, and also drop her things off to her. not once would she offer to bring my things to me, this is no exception. if she wanted to return it, she could leave it in my yard without even contacting or seeing me.

 

just looking for advice or input here. i'm not believing this is some random attempt to spark things, but could be testing to see if i'm still under her thumb, especially with the followup second text being impatient about me not replying.

 

thoughts?

[DustySaltus]

If it's that important for you to get your things, send a friend to get them.

 

I'm assuming that she broke up with you? If so, unless the ex comes back and says that they made a mistake and are willing to do whatever it takes to make it work, there's nothing to talk about. Sure, she may be looking for attention but the ultimate and best response is complete and utter silence. I know it hards but keep the NC going, it's about healing yourself first and foremost.

[scruffy nerfherder]

Well not knowing the full story, but from a gril's perspective...and having done it myself...she may be testing the waters. I know that in the beginning of my recent break up, I used excuses like that to keep in contact with him and hoping to open communication. Hope that helps?

[flitzanu]

sounds good, thanks you two

 

and yes, she was the dumper. i've posted most of the story here somewhere, but most of it is rather irrelevant this far along now. she refuses to show anything other than hatred and anger toward me, so any "crumbs" just seemed unlikely but who knows. there are so many other ways she could test the waters other than something like that i suppose, but who knows.

 

i've definitely been learning a lot about behavior after reading so many stories on here. and yes, i've stuck to NC and did not reply to those texts. no further followup from her about it (yet).

[timchambo]

my guess is she doesn't know that you know she is moving. She wants to break the news to you and see your reaction. I don't know why they play these games. I really think there is some feelings buried deep for their ex's. These feelings are masked by their new ambitions somewhere. If you reply, just stay strong, wish her the best, and don't show any concern.

[flitzanu]

you're on teh same line as me, timchambo. after i heard the rumor, it seemed a good scenario for me to reply (in whatever manner) and her to follow with "well i'm moving, so.........."

 

which yeah, i'm glad i didn't get the news from her because i wouldn't have handled it very well.

 

who knows. i think it was said best that utter silence is probably the best and strongest route. never before (until reading here) have i realized what CRAP excuses people give for communicating.

[Eddie Edirol]

It could be breadcrumbs, but you dont do NC to get her back, you do NC to help you move on. If you dont need the stuff, theres n o need to answer her, especially since she is moving. Since she is theres nothing for you two to talk about. Ignoring her will hurt her the most, because now she thinks you dont need her. Its a great tactic.