yolatanga Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Like I've posted before about my violent abusive ex is still playing head games. After telling me he wanted nothing to do with me, no contact, no e-mails, no phone calls and if he sees my car where I hang out, he won't come in or if I come in after him, he leaves. He's an older man who can't face what he did. Out of the blue he sends me money and a nice e-mail. A week later he tells my good friend he wants to make sure I'm being taken care of since I am having a hard time finding a new job (I still am employed by his co. until when I don't know). So I sent him an e-mail asking him what he means by all this, how much longer do I have my insurance and when does he plan on cutting me off..etc. No answer. Days go by. No answer. I called, no answer. Friday night I went out to dinner with friends. Sure enough there he was sitting at the bar. WTH!! He's back to ignoring me again. Why now? I must have failed some test. That made me so mad I had to leave the restaurant for fear I was going to yell at him. Saturday he purposely went to where I hang out. I was furious that he was sitting there talking to my good friends and how many ?s he asked them about me. He should be asking me! Thankfully I was all dolled up that night. I never acknowledged his presense. I stood right next to him (he was sitting at he bar) while talking to other guys right in front of him. I wanted him to feel uncomfortable. It worked, he left. What an A!! I let him have it the next day via e-mail. 5 mos of grieving for what? I told him to seek mental help for his violent abusive rages are not normal. I told him he is a coward. I told him how much demage he has done. I told him that if he ever showed up at my place again that I will sit next to him at his place with my new bf (I lied). I told him he looked like crap, which he does. I told him he didn't love me for 8 yrs. I let him know that obviously sending me money was his benefit that will not erase his sick behavior. He's such a coward that I bet he didn't read it. Now I have him blocked him via e-mail and phone. I'm taking my power back. No more contact. This will most likely get me cut off. Yikes!
Chi townD Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Well, first off your post is a little confusing. Was he violet towards you? Or was it violet posturing? Hitting walls, doors yelling at you...... If it's posturing, the man needs to seek help. Anger management for sure. If he was violet towards you, how can you even be in the same building as him and why don't you have a restraining order out on him? NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER BE HIT BY A MAN! That's the true definition of a coward. Now, it sound like you wanted him back? and think about your behavior. From what you say, this guy is a complete ass, but you flaunt the fact that you're hitting on guys in front of him? Ass or not, guys have feelings and I would think that you could keep that in mind. I'm not trying to bash on you and please don't take it that way. I would say just move on with diginity because this guy isn't worth all the games. Sounds like this is a very confused and toxic relationship. You are right. NC, NC, NC....not worth your time. Move on (even if it means switching jobs so you're not tied to this guy)
fetish Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) I believe it's normal even after 5 months. I think you played it good that night by not acknowledging his presence. Though honestly, I think you went wrong by letting him know you acknowledged him and taking your precious time letting him know of your anger. I say this is because ignoring someone is the best revenge, not letting him know he got to you in any way. Of course, I'm dealing with a break up myself. One month in to it after an 8 year relationship, so I may be better at giving advice than actually following it myself. Edited March 7, 2011 by fetish
Chi townD Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Okay, I read your other posts. You're in love with an Alcoholic. AND from your previous posts, you do have feelings for him. He tore the house apart in a drunken rage. Got it. You're right, his behavior is strange on how he ended it. But, he still has feeling for you too. I think he might be ashamed and embarassed about what happened. But, you can't help him, he has to want to stop drinking and seek help. No one can do it but him. I would say move on, I don't think you're gonna get the answers you're seeking.
Mcnulty Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 What did you do with the money he sent you? You sent it back right? If not....hmmm.
Author yolatanga Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Well, first off your post is a little confusing. Was he violet towards you? Or was it violet posturing? Hitting walls, doors yelling at you...... If it's posturing, the man needs to seek help. Anger management for sure. If he was violet towards you, how can you even be in the same building as him and why don't you have a restraining order out on him? NO WOMAN SHOULD EVER BE HIT BY A MAN! That's the true definition of a coward. Now, it sound like you wanted him back? and think about your behavior. From what you say, this guy is a complete ass, but you flaunt the fact that you're hitting on guys in front of him? Ass or not, guys have feelings and I would think that you could keep that in mind. I'm not trying to bash on you and please don't take it that way. I would say just move on with diginity because this guy isn't worth all the games. Sounds like this is a very confused and toxic relationship. You are right. NC, NC, NC....not worth your time. Move on (even if it means switching jobs so you're not tied to this guy)Appreciate the feedback. He was verbally abusive and he never hit me, but his violent uncontrollable rages would scare the crap out of me. The last episode, I was in bed sleeping and he came home after drinking to scream obsenities at me, tear the house apart. I thought he was going to kill me. He broke a huge painting on the wall which all that glass landed on me. He actually shut the eletricity off so I couldn't call the police for help. I did call them finally and moved out shortly after. He is always going to my friends to tell them how much fun he is having while traveling which means meeting women. If he is going to insist on showing up where I am that is what he'll be shown. That I am wanted and am surrounded by all my friends. He doesn't have any. His fault. He has feelings? He's going around acting like I deserved to be treated like garbage and has been shunning me for mos. I went to him a few weeks ago and he threatened to call the cops on me. that's where his feelings are. I wouldn't do that to a stranger. I don't want him back, but I'm still struggling with missing him. 8 yrs was a long time. My dignity is in the toilet.
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Okay, I totally understand where you are coming from. But that last post said it all with his behavor. He's got a lot of issues to work out, not you. I feel you are looking for answers, but have you considered looking for those answers within yourself? Read your post. He scared you, berated you and pretended that you don't exist. Finding some answers yet? Look, I know eight years is a long time invested. He became a big part of your life and now there's a big hole. I suggest that you go NC and start holding your head up high. Don't contact him and don't reply when he contacts you. Eight years is gonna require a lot of time to heal. But, you'll feel better in the long run.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 He pushed your buttons and got a reaction. He won. You gave him a huge amount of emotional involvement. He probably showed up at those places because you acted non-reactive and businesslike with him and he decided to see if ge could gain that old edge back. Cut it out and get some EMDR/ trauma therapy for yourself so that you aren't triggered to respond to it again. The only reason people do testing little bull**** things like this is to push for a reaction. If he didn't get one he might try a few other things to push your buttons and then stop when he sees it isn't working.
Author yolatanga Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Okay, I read your other posts. You're in love with an Alcoholic. AND from your previous posts, you do have feelings for him. He tore the house apart in a drunken rage. Got it. You're right, his behavior is strange on how he ended it. But, he still has feeling for you too. I think he might be ashamed and embarassed about what happened. But, you can't help him, he has to want to stop drinking and seek help. No one can do it but him. I would say move on, I don't think you're gonna get the answers you're seeking. Yup, I picked my father. I've asked him to seek help. He's in denial. He doesn't think he has a problem. I'm in therapy and I'm not the violent raging alcoholic. Everyone says move on. I'm trying hard. I have a hard time believing he still cares for me especially after some of his cold hearted actions. He's beyond bitter. Which of course is not normal. I thought he was easing up on that by asking me if I was ok health wise, financially..etc. Now he's back to shunning me which he knows I hate more than anything. I have to move on. This is crazy. I've been asked out at least 4 times and I keep saying "no".
Author yolatanga Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 What did you do with the money he sent you? You sent it back right? If not....hmmm. I still have the checks. He's probably mad at that too.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Yup, I picked my father. I've asked him to seek help. He's in denial. He doesn't think he has a problem. I'm in therapy and I'm not the violent raging alcoholic. Everyone says move on. I'm trying hard. I have a hard time believing he still cares for me especially after some of his cold hearted actions. He's beyond bitter. Which of course is not normal. I thought he was easing up on that by asking me if I was ok health wise, financially..etc. Now he's back to shunning me which he knows I hate more than anything. I have to move on. This is crazy. I've been asked out at least 4 times and I keep saying "no". I picked my father too! Doesn't that suck what they start off not bring like your father at all! Have you tried Divorce Busters at all? It's helped ease some of the conflict dynamic in mine.
Author yolatanga Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Okay, I totally understand where you are coming from. But that last post said it all with his behavor. He's got a lot of issues to work out, not you. I feel you are looking for answers, but have you considered looking for those answers within yourself? Read your post. He scared you, berated you and pretended that you don't exist. Finding some answers yet? Look, I know eight years is a long time invested. He became a big part of your life and now there's a big hole. I suggest that you go NC and start holding your head up high. Don't contact him and don't reply when he contacts you. Eight years is gonna require a lot of time to heal. But, you'll feel better in the long run. He does, but he won't. How dare anyone suggest it either. That's his ignorant thinking. I did the blocking thing. It makes me a feel a little better. I warned my friends to stop telling him anything about me when he comes around fishing for info. He's not worthy of me or know anything about me. That's my answer. Thanks all. I have to run off. I'll try and come back tomorrow. Have a great night!
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Good, I'm glad you're thinking with a clear head. You have to cut him out of your life. Period! It's good that you've asked your friends not to talk about him. You know what? His loss........
Author yolatanga Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I picked my father too! Doesn't that suck what they start off not bring like your father at all! Have you tried Divorce Busters at all? It's helped ease some of the conflict dynamic in mine. I never heard of that site. We were not married. Does that matter? Probably not.
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