ttt77tttttt Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 24. She is a virgin, I am not. We have been dating for over a year, and a couple of months ago I proposed. She lives with her parents and is working on finishing university. I live alone in Manchester, UK and have a career here. I am very much in love with this girl. I would do anything for her. The problem we have is she has no desire to have sex or to be intimate in any way. The most we do is kiss each other hi when we see each other. We haven't made out in months. And every time we've tried to have sex she always has an excuse to not do so. She has explained that every other relationship she has had, the same problem has existed and eventually they broke up. I don't know what to do. We've had long talks about this., but it always seems to end with it is just the way she is and she will probably never change. For me, a huge part of a normal, healthy relationship is missing. The biggest problem I have is not the lack of sex. It's the lack of intimacy. I don't cheat, so I'm not going to go find someone to meet my sexual needs and stay with her too. That's not the kind of person I am. I just need some sort of reassurance that sticking with it and being with her is the right thing to do. I'm trying to keep a clear head and not be selfish. I'm certainly not mad and angry about the situation. I just need to know is this something that I should wait for and hope it gets better... or is this really a big enough incompatibility to break up over? Part of me thinks breaking up over sex would make me a prick... and part of me thinks it might be the right thing to do.
Datura Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 This is her track record: sex comes up, she's unwilling, the relationship ends. What makes you think this will be any different? She could easily be asexual. You're not a prick, everyone has needs, and most agree that this is one of the staples of a healthy relationship. Your needs will never be met with her. She's not even affectionate. -Unless- she has some underlying issues, or is unhappy with her chastity and desires change, end it.
blackmagik Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I don't think the lack of sex is the problem. I see a bigger problem with the complete lack of intimacy on any level. I have known people who have remained abstinent but still were intimate in other ways. For me that would be a total deal breaker. I am completely affectionate in my relationships and I need that back in order to be happy with where I am at. If she can't even make out with you there is a huge problem there. I would say tell her that straight up. You need intimacy on some level in order to be healthy in your relationship. If she can't provide that then I would leave. Another good question for you OP is do you believe this would change when you get married and do have sex? Or do you believe she will stay the same just with sex every once and awhile thrown in there. You need to decide what is best for you in the long run.
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