isodyad Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 7 months ago. We were together 11 months with the last six weeks as long distance. From the start of our relationship we were very close- we spent all the time we had together. We very rarely fought and if we did, it was over in 5 minutes. He was my best friend. He moved to another state, and we had had plans for me to move in with him for a year. I was to start a new job in a different city after that year together was over, and he would try to get a job where I was after he finished another year in his new city. I helped him move to his new city and during my week stay discovered he had communicated with an ex of his and may or may not have seen her. I has devastated, but he repeatedly denied seeing her, I left and over the course of the next six weeks tried to accept it- we both seemed to want to work it out and go ahead with the original plan of me moving to spend the year with him. It was rough, but we were trying to make it work. He gave me a date for my move, but 12 hours later, he broke up with me. He said that he didn't want to have me there for a year and then just have to let me go- it would be too hard for him- and that he didn't want to do a LDR as he had once been in one and never wanted to be in one again. I basically did everything that you're not supposed to do- emailing, calling, texting. He did not respond to any of it. I tried to do NC off and on with varying degrees of success- a couple days to a month at one point. After about 3 months, he responded to one of my emails, and we started to email each other. We caught up with stuff and emailed about the relationship too. About a month later I mailed an important item back to him and emailed to tell him I had and also told him to take care if I didn't hear again from him. I was basically trying to say good-bye- I had never meant to keep this item that long, but it was so hard to let it (and him) go. He responded a day or two later saying that maybe we could talk after Christmas about me visiting him. He said he missed me and sometimes he still thought I might fly down to surprise him. I was surprised to say the very least but played it cool. I think we were both hesitant about this- I believed I was fairly over things. At any rate, I did end up visiting him for two weeks. We were intimate (because I am a moron). He wanted to stop the physical stuff after the first few days as he thought he wasn't able to handle it, but after two days, we resumed the sex (mostly because I wanted to although I don't think he minded At times, things were awkward and uncomfortable, but for the most part, it was okay and we had fun just hanging out again together. He mentioned visiting me when I get settled in my new city, and we both agreed it had been a good visit. However, we talked about us and that he still doesn't want to be in a LDR. He misses me, I miss him, and he said that if we were still in the same city we would probably still be together. I left, and although I really loved being intimate with him again, realized he had been right- it hadn't been a good idea as I was kind-of messed up again. Not as bad as the breakup but definitely not as I had arrived in his city as. It's been a month or so since I left. We talk or skype 1-2 times a week---really pleasant conversations about stuff that's going on in each of our lives. Since I left, we haven't talked about our relationship until last night. He mentioned again that he didn't want to be in a LDR again, that he still has feelings for me and again said that he thinks maybe he's being an idiot letting me go like this. He said that he doesn't know if someone like me is going to come along again for him. He said he has always had commitment issues and doesn't know if he has what it takes to do LDR. He has started looking for jobs in my area and has appled to a couple, but his area of work might not allow him to choose the area he ends up in; he may just have to take a job wherever he can find one. Last time we talked I asked if he thought we were talking too much and he had said why in the world do you think that, but in last night's conversation, he told me it used to be really painful talking to me, but now he says he "loves" talking to me and is always happy to talk to me. But he is leaving it up to me how often we talk, and if I want to stop talking to him, he understands. He doesn't expect me to wait for him; he has dated a couple people and had sex with one, but he said none of it was serious at all. He asked what I am thinking about the state of "us." I told him I wish and hope that he will be able to move to be near me, but that I am trying to be open to meeting someone else (not that I want to)- only because I understand the situation is a tough one and may very well not work out for us. Part of me thinks I am okay with dealing with this like this for now. I don't want to cut off contact with him- I still love him. I realize that stopping contact may be what needs to happen at some point, but I guess for now I want to see how things work out. If they don't work out well, then maybe decrease contact and try to build a friendship later. I think we both want to have each other in our lives in some way. I am wondering if this is a healthy way of dealing with this situation? Or crazy? There is an end-point, once he gets a job after this next year, his location will be sealed for a while. I believe that he does still have feelings for me, but I don't know how deep they are at this point- any thoughts? Is he trying to let me down gently- does it sound like he's over me/moving on? thanks so much for any thoughts.
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