shawn923 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Hello all i'm fairly new to the forums. And my problem is that I've already made pretty much every mistake possible, begged, cried, and even got my ex girlfriend a necklace on valentines day that she turned down... so yea i already blew my chance to show "oh i dont need u, ima get on with my life". Or did i??? basically what im asking is, can i STILL go NC and expect to get results? were both in the same college, shes 20 im 22. we were together 3 months but i def felt we were both madly in love and it was great. we broke up cuz i was insecure then like i said earlier i tried EVERYTHING right away to get her back. All attempts failed. Also im not heartbroken much anymore because she kinda makes it obvious that there will be NO 2nd chance. So do i go NC this late, and expect to get results? Or just live life, stay friends with her, and not expect any hope in return?
smudge21 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I guess it depends on what you want from NC, but definitely going there is the way forward for you. From her point of view after all your begging it may hit her harder if you suddenly ignore her completely (as opposed to those who go NC as soon as the relationship ends). There's no way of knowing how she's going to react, but for your own sanity and to move on, NC is the best bet now.
betterdeal Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Don't be sad that it's over; be happy that it happened. Now move on and fill your life with other things. I found eating well, doing exercise, staying away from her, not blaming anyone for things ending, learning more about myself and working on my weaknesses, and just having innocent, harmless fun, have all been part of the process of enjoying the limited time I have on this Earth. Rather than being stuck in the past and trying to recreate it in the future (all at the expense of the here and now) just be glad to be. She's been very clear with you. It's your choice what you do, but think about what you want from life. It's more than a relationship and it's certainly more than that particular relationship. It didn't work. It hurts. Stop hurting yourself. Enjoy this life.
Author shawn923 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 thanks for the help guys. Right now im in a state where i dont initiate contact with her for any reason. but if she calls, ill pick up. if she texts, ill reply when i can. and when i see her at school i just nod and say hi. basically im not NC... im just living life and if she happens to contact me ill respond. which is gettin less and less lately... so is this fine? because im minding my own business and i have no reason to be mean and ignore her. And i honestly feel me healing everyday since doing it.
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 "if she calls, I'll pick up, if she texts, I'll reply". Now, go fetch! Just what are you trying to accomplish with NC? NC is a time for you to heal. Dude, there are PLENTY of other girls in college. She obivously made it clear that she doesn't want to get back with you. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
radiodarcy Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 thanks for the help guys. Right now im in a state where i dont initiate contact with her for any reason. but if she calls, ill pick up. if she texts, ill reply when i can. and when i see her at school i just nod and say hi. basically im not NC... im just living life and if she happens to contact me ill respond. which is gettin less and less lately... so is this fine? because im minding my own business and i have no reason to be mean and ignore her. And i honestly feel me healing everyday since doing it. if you feel that's working for you then so be it. but be extremely careful. i took that same approach with a guy who dumped me. eventually he wound up telling me about how he really wants a girlfriend and had several dates lined up with women he met on online dating sites. while it didn't bother me as much as i thought it would. i had to ask myself - - how am i going to feel when he finally *does* meet and settle down with someone? and the answer was AWFUL. so now i'm back to trying to mobilize myself to go back to NC but it's hard. because i'm operating under this flawed notion that if i try to be his "friend" he'll eventually give me a chance. but that's rubbish and i know it. the more i stick around. the more he's going to think of me as "backup" and leave me dangling. so i decided it's best to cut my losses, retain what's left of my dignity and move on before it's too late and he meets some girl and goes NC on me...
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 thanks for the help guys. Right now im in a state where i dont initiate contact with her for any reason. but if she calls, ill pick up. if she texts, ill reply when i can. and when i see her at school i just nod and say hi. basically im not NC... im just living life and if she happens to contact me ill respond. which is gettin less and less lately... so is this fine? because im minding my own business and i have no reason to be mean and ignore her. And i honestly feel me healing everyday since doing it. If it feels good it can't be bad.
radiodarcy Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 i forgot to mention i went NC for about three months after he dumped me. most likely the only reason he contacted me was to get the worm squirming back on the hook.
Author shawn923 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Well see thats my point i didnt wanna make it seem like whenever she says jump i say how high. Cuz its not like that. I simply said i completely mind my own business, i DO ignore her, but if she calls or texts me i DONT have a reason to ignore her. She "said" she doesnt give 2nd chances, so i left it at that and respected her (dumb) decision. And i mean im happy right now... if she were to find someone new, i dont think it would matter if im cool with her or not, its still gonna fkn sting either way! And we're not "friends" per se, we talk maybe once a week, for no longer than a minute. My main thing is i dont INITIATE contact with her whatsoever, but i do casually respond. And i try to talk to other girls at my school as often as possible and she sees it. Soooo, im sure this method is going well for my recovery, because ive kept this up about a week and i honestly feel much better than i did a week ago. Like i can see her physically walk past me in school and i wont feel torn on the inside. So do i continue this method if i wanted to get her back? because THATS my ultimate goal. In a perfect world, doing this will make her see "damn he's happy and he never tries to talk to me anymore. He must be using his time on someone else". So hopefully over time when she no longer has bitterness toward me she'll start warming up to me again and i'll take it from there. But if she doesnt, im fine anyways because this method is healing me thus far... GET IT??? so is this a good idea?
paleblue Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 It’s never too late to go NC. Yes you will get results. You will be able to heal from this and move on in your life. Which might not sound like what you want to do right now but in time you will wonder why you didn’t sooner. Sorry, not what you probably want to hear, but it’s the truth.
Beeotch Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hello all i'm fairly new to the forums. And my problem is that I've already made pretty much every mistake possible, begged, cried, and even got my ex girlfriend a necklace on valentines day that she turned down... so yea i already blew my chance to show "oh i dont need u, ima get on with my life". Or did i??? basically what im asking is, can i STILL go NC and expect to get results? were both in the same college, shes 20 im 22. we were together 3 months but i def felt we were both madly in love and it was great. we broke up cuz i was insecure then like i said earlier i tried EVERYTHING right away to get her back. All attempts failed. Also im not heartbroken much anymore because she kinda makes it obvious that there will be NO 2nd chance. So do i go NC this late, and expect to get results? Or just live life, stay friends with her, and not expect any hope in return? Don't really know what you mean by results... But if you stop contacting her....then overtime, even though it starts off as it usually does that people wrongfully think it is some secret potion to get your ex back...eventually it will get to the point (as time usually has a way of doing) that you will be able to move forward from your ex. I came here 2 years ago and actually came back yesterday to find my old posts for some comparison and reflection...but the point is, initially I too was secretly hoping NC would bring my ex back....needless to say 2 years later I don't want my ex back and have moved on and am very happy . So yes do NC and live life...and eventually you will get results, which means moving forward.
Beeotch Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 It’s never too late to go NC. Yes you will get results. You will be able to heal from this and move on in your life. Which might not sound like what you want to do right now but in time you will wonder why you didn’t sooner. Sorry, not what you probably want to hear, but it’s the truth. Ditto.... I do understand the pain and the hell-bent idea that things can be fixed or it's meant to be or you just want to get things back and how it causes you to have a one-track mind....been there, done that...and perhaps there is no way to convey to someone in that position that things do get better, but they do...and 9/10 times people don't get back with their exes but life does go on happily, you meet someone better, or you go back to being single and happy.
Forgethim Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 thanks for the help guys. Right now im in a state where i dont initiate contact with her for any reason. but if she calls, ill pick up. if she texts, ill reply when i can. and when i see her at school i just nod and say hi. basically im not NC... im just living life and if she happens to contact me ill respond. which is gettin less and less lately... so is this fine? because im minding my own business and i have no reason to be mean and ignore her. And i honestly feel me healing everyday since doing it. That is the way to do it. If she still loves you, she will come to you. But don't wait too long just move on and enjoy your life with your friends and family.
Author shawn923 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 By results i meant getting her to warm up to me again. Thats my goal in a perfect world. I mean ive already said plenty of times that i wanted her back and she shot me down every time, so why keep trying? And moving on IS what i want to do. I mean i still want her, but im fine waiting until something even better comes to me. I just wanna know if this method will at all make her warm up to me again? is there any possible way this relationship can be salvaged? and knowing that getting back together is my hidden motive, is the contact im giving her too much, little, or just right? im also still friends with her on fb, but none of my statuses are ever about her or relationships at all anymore. I mean i just wanna know if my methods are doin ANYTHING as far as bringing her back. She nor i are dating anyone else and we broke up about 2 months ago. I mean thats pretty much the only reason im on these forums right? IS cuz deep down i still want her to be my gf... And knowing i never cheated or hit her or anything extreme like that, im thinking she would much easier see me for the great person and great relationship we had.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 You want her to start looking at you again? let her see other girls in school cuddling up on you. You will look like you moved on, like you dont need her, and you probably will find a better woman for you in the process. Thats the way it works. Give it a go. Oh, and stop answering her texts and calls. Let her wonder if you are mad at her or not.
Movingthrough Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 The only way you can redeem yourself is by leaving her alone. Doesnt matter how many mistakes you made, its showing her you are done and good to go. Dont repeat the mistakes, thats how you can fix them.
turokturok5 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 By results i meant getting her to warm up to me again. Thats my goal in a perfect world. I mean ive already said plenty of times that i wanted her back and she shot me down every time, so why keep trying? And moving on IS what i want to do. I mean i still want her, but im fine waiting until something even better comes to me. I just wanna know if this method will at all make her warm up to me again? is there any possible way this relationship can be salvaged? and knowing that getting back together is my hidden motive, is the contact im giving her too much, little, or just right? im also still friends with her on fb, but none of my statuses are ever about her or relationships at all anymore. I mean i just wanna know if my methods are doin ANYTHING as far as bringing her back. She nor i are dating anyone else and we broke up about 2 months ago. I mean thats pretty much the only reason im on these forums right? IS cuz deep down i still want her to be my gf... And knowing i never cheated or hit her or anything extreme like that, im thinking she would much easier see me for the great person and great relationship we had. its odd to see how many people are in the exact same position as me. Exept the only difference is, it's been 6 weeks since my ex dumped me, she hasn't tried contacting me at all, exept she has no trouble with texting my mate all the time. The only thing which benefits me though i guess, is it will be easier for her to realise that im moving on and possibly come back to me, im close with her friends, shes close with my friends, she knows what im up to most of the time, where im going what im doing, i even caught her asking one of our friends the other day if i had fun the other night when i went out. She gives signs that she still likes me, exept i can't act upon it as i was dumped for being clingy. It just sucks, i know if i contact her, im going to push her further away and put my heart at risk again, get set back to square one, then again, what if im right and the signals shes giving me says that she does like me still, but shes too shy/pride to speak up and admitt her mistake. Basically, what i've learnt is, the first few weeks i had my mind set on the fact that i lost her and so i begged and pleaded, but realistically, after i had time to think about it i thought hey, she dumped me for a poor reason, shes still upset about the break-up, she got really pissed off when she found out i deleted her from facebook, now i've got my mind set on the fact that she has lost me, as i treated her with respect, was faithful, i loved her, was always there for her if she needed me and she pinned it all on clingy, she took me for granted and hopefully she will realise that, rather sooner than later otherwise i will have moved on but yeah, if you did nothing seriously wrong don't dwell on it, its their loss if they dumped you when you know deep down you weren't really at fault and one day someone will find you and respect that, but don't go looking for someone, trust fate. It took me 6 months to get to know/ask out my ex and look what that resulted in, a 2 month relationship where i liked her a lot more than she liked me and it ended up in heartbreak. Just forget about her, go NC, if she really does have true feelings for you she will come back, if she still has feelings for you but is waiting for you to make the move - the don't, you could be wrong and you could be setting yourself up for failure again, true love always has a way to work itself out no matter what obstacles you have to overcome.
Author shawn923 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 I see i see... well ur guys feedback certainly helps. And were still friends on fb, and i think she intentionally flirts with other guys on fb just to see if she can get a response outta me, but i just ignore it as if i NEVER check her page at all... knowing that, she must still have feelings for me if ur playing games at all... so ima just stay with this little contact just like u are. Keep me updated with how it goes. Cuz im still tryna figure out if my method will be doing anything in terms of having her mature up and love me again.
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