guitarguy09 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 a short background: we were together for two years, and she basically got GIGS and left me for this other guy. she jumped into a relationship with him after me and 2 months later made it public on facebook according to friends. went total no contact for about a month or more then blocked her from my facebook. Just awhile ago she chatted with me and apologized asking to meet up tomorrow so she could "discuss" heres what she had to say: "but seriously thank you so much for the 2 years *me or *petname, im not sure which im supposed to use now. i seriously miss my friend, one of my best friends. and i dont know if i should even explain things to you but i would love to. i want you to know where im at now and how things have been going for me as well ohhh wait you probably dont want to discuss anything. ehe. nevermind i just want you to know that i really am sorry. im am very sorry for disappointing you but i want you to know that the friendship was very real. and id like to keep it alive if being friends is okay with you already" then she said shed rather talk to me live nadanada. Please tell me what to say tomorrow. I know she is going to try to relieve her guilt by justifying her actions of leaving me for someone else. need your thoughts guys.
betterdeal Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Look, she probably does feel bad for hurting you and is open to the idea of being a friend. But who knows? She probably doesn't know for sure herself. All you can be sure of is what you feel and what you want. Focus on that. If you want to be her friend, say so. If you you'd rather not, say so. If you'd like to get back together with her and are prepared to be a platonic friend for a bit until she dumps this other guy and jumps back to you, go for it. It's really up to you what you say, and, importantly, you are just as much a participant in the conversation. I'm good friends with some exes, on friendly terms with others, and have one who I don't want any contact for the time being. It all depends on you, and the dynamic you have with her. However, past behaviour is often predicator of future performance. If you are open to the idea of getting back together with her (and, IMO, sure you are - we all are) then it pays to decide to only get back together on certain conditions. For me those are to be able to see that the things that annoyed me about her last time around have changed, and that I have also dealt with the faults in me that I recognised from that time around. If not, the emotional connection just can't be made. Sometimes things don't just fall into place and we have to work at it. That just means you need to be able to communicate. If you aint ready for any contact or involvement with her now, say so and save yourself a miserable night. If you are, great! Go for it and be your own best friend.
Chi townD Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Question is do you think you'll be happy with the, " I hope we can be friends line." You've allowed yourself to fall in love with this girl and she ended it. She wanted you out of her life; that's why we break up. That was her choice and she has to live with it, not you. Look, I'm all for relationships, and if you wrote that she came to your door crying and saying she made the biggest mistake of her life. Then, I would say that this relationship might have a chance. Anything short of that, then no. okay, here's a smack in the head. She's cake eating. She wants the friendship from you to fill the emotional needs in her life and the other guy to fill the physical needs that she has. Is that fair to you? Sounds like the guy she's with has the personality of a rock if she's still bothering you. If she wants your friendship, I would tell her that she had it and soooo much more. But she threw it away for someone else. It's not your job to fill that gap anymore.
depplover_1980 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Poke her in the eye and run off laughing. Then come to me and i'll give you a kiss. x On a serious note the advice already given is pretty good and I don't have much to add on this one. You know just remember you're an important person and you deserve the best, not to be someones back up plan.
timchambo Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 some guys are always backup plans. I am sorry about your luck
depplover_1980 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I am sorry about your luck Do you mean yourself Roach?
Layzie89 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 She's cake eating. She wants the friendship from you to fill the emotional needs in her life and the other guy to fill the physical needs that she has. Enough said. Don't meet with her! Don't give her that privilege of being able to sleep with another man and have you as a friend to talk to at the same time.
Mcnulty Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 So i'm guessing it's been 2 months? She left you for another guy? Why are you meeting her? I'd agree to meet her somewhere far away, not turn up and feel a whoooole lot better about her dumping me...WTF!!!! Don't meet her!!!
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 but guys just in case i do meet her, how do i conduct myself? should i act like i moved on from her and say I cant be friends after what you did or should i tell her that I just couldnt handle being friends with someone who ripped my heart to shreds? i really need to know what to say
Don_da_Ho Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Bro, WHY bother to meet her? It's not going to make YOU feel any better and the objective for her is to make HERSELF feel better and less guilty. If it were me, I would have some dignity and not meet her, I would tell her something came up or you're busy. But, IF you insist on meeting her, which I think is a mistake, then don't say too much and don't do the talking. Let her ramble on. DO NOT profess your love for her, tell her how much you loved her or how great she is. Just listen, keep the meeting short, 5-10 minutes, and then YOU say you have to go, you have to meet someone. That simple. Don't be a fool and wear your heart on your sleeve. Good luck.
Chi townD Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Don da Ho is right. If you have to go. Be indifferent. Remember what I said about the "being friends line".
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 so i just came from meeting her. and let me tell you guys, i feel totally horrible! i shouldnt have done it. i guess i shouldve listened, but now the lessons learned. i advise you guys not to do the same. So met her up for coffee, she said she was sorry and admitted that she left me for someone else. Its been 2 months and she realizes thats its been really fast that shes fallen in love with this guy already. I dint know what she sees in him , but she told me she loves him blah blah and she really loved me. **** that hurt me so much!! she asked if we could be friends since and she didnt wanna let go of that. i hate her so much already. why cant she see that no matter how much she justifies her actions itll never seem right. a very selfish person indeed!
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 and what was your answer? i told her that i couldnt be friends with her after what she did. I also said that she shouldve been more honest with what she felt as it really hurt me to have lie, and that she didnt have to rub her new relationship in my face; but i didnt say it sounding bitter. made myself sound as passive as i could
betterdeal Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Should is such a bollocks word. Should means nothing. Forget that word. If it comes up again, rephrase your sentence without it. Same for could and would. Especially in past tense. "Should have" means "didn't" "Didn't" can become "will" "i shouldnt have done it" means I did it. It can become "I won't do it again" "i guess i shouldve listened," means I didn't listen. It can become "I'll listen now"
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 oh and she was all like, i just wanted you to know that i am in good hands. She told me that this other guy was hitting on her and her new "boyfriend" beat that guy up. I mean WTH? She feels secure with this sort of behaviour after 2 months saying that alot has happened and he showed her a side of him shes never seen blah2
Stilicho Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 damn.... i was in the same situation just yesterday, met up with my ex of 2 yrs, who got gigs and left for a 24 yr old wigger, drug addicted, unemployed who is living in his moms basement. throughout our whole relationship, she would say the usual things like, you are the only man i can ever love, the best thing in the world, i want your kids, etc. than, out of the blue, it happened. whatever you do, dont try to assuage her guilt for her when you meet up. go for it i say, but show her she doesnt have a hold on you anymore, and that youve moved on. tell her you cant be friends with her while she is with some guy she left you for. get everything you wanted to say, and all the things you thought about endlessly on those long nights following the break up off your chest. let her know she lost the best thing that will ever happen to her. than leave. show her you are a strong man, and she is missing out, make her regret it.
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 damn.... i was in the same situation just yesterday, met up with my ex of 2 yrs, who got gigs and left for a 24 yr old wigger, drug addicted, unemployed who is living in his moms basement. throughout our whole relationship, she would say the usual things like, you are the only man i can ever love, the best thing in the world, i want your kids, etc. than, out of the blue, it happened. whatever you do, dont try to assuage her guilt for her when you meet up. go for it i say, but show her she doesnt have a hold on you anymore, and that youve moved on. tell her you cant be friends with her while she is with some guy she left you for. get everything you wanted to say, and all the things you thought about endlessly on those long nights following the break up off your chest. let her know she lost the best thing that will ever happen to her. than leave. show her you are a strong man, and she is missing out, make her regret it. i feel you.. i wont do it next time. it only intensified the pain and i feel like im starting all over basically having her hear that this guy is better than me. and "understands" her more. This girl seriously has to wake up
Anna86 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hello, well I feel terrible for you. I can't believe that she done that to you. I guess she wanted to make things right, maybe? Also, I wonder what her new boyfriend makes of this? I wonder if he is happy that she met you? I think, if an ex is really over the other they don't need to meet up for coffee with the ex. Just my opinion. I think you have to move on and forget about her. She may be unsure of things still and dragging you along. Don't let that happen.
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 How was her reaction to your answer? she was all like "i dont expect anything from you, you dont have to say its okay. I know i really hurt you and left you for someone else, even *guy she left me fors name knows what he did was wrong. But i just wanted you to know im in good hands. I dont want to lose the friendship we had coz i know it was very real." Then she hugged me tight for like 10 seconds or more and kissed me on the cheek it was very awkward! i was just standing there in shock. was pretty disgusted afterwards
Mixed28 Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 damn.... i was in the same situation just yesterday, met up with my ex of 2 yrs, who got gigs and left for a 24 yr old wigger, drug addicted, unemployed who is living in his moms basement. throughout our whole relationship, she would say the usual things like, you are the only man i can ever love, the best thing in the world, i want your kids, etc. than, out of the blue, it happened. whatever you do, dont try to assuage her guilt for her when you meet up. go for it i say, but show her she doesnt have a hold on you anymore, and that youve moved on. tell her you cant be friends with her while she is with some guy she left you for. get everything you wanted to say, and all the things you thought about endlessly on those long nights following the break up off your chest. let her know she lost the best thing that will ever happen to her. than leave. show her you are a strong man, and she is missing out, make her regret it. Thats why I don't want to get to attachted in my next relationship.
timchambo Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 what a bitch. at least she admits it though. she's so happy and confident right now. Sounds like she was almost getting off on re-destroying your world, while trying to sound like she was coming clean. It's just a matter of time where either one of them begins to questions the other ones integrity.
Author guitarguy09 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 what a bitch. at least she admits it though. she's so happy and confident right now. Sounds like she was almost getting off on re-destroying your world, while trying to sound like she was coming clean. It's just a matter of time where either one of them begins to questions the other ones integrity. thanks i really am praying she gets what she deserves. People like this have to realize they cant always get what they want its the only way for them to learn Plus i was doing so much better not knowing this **** in the first place, she just had to play the "im sorry" role and make herself look good and made me feel miserable all over in the process!
dreamingoftigers Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 There was a girl that my roommate was dating for a bit. He really really liked her. They planned to go on a Christian excursion to Africa together. Her group (or whatever) had his Non-refundable plane ticket paid for and the whole bit. She dumps him, plays the "friend" card. He's pretty devastated and tries to make a go of it anyways. She ends up asking him to play up an accident he was in to get the ticket mostly refunded, which he does because he wants to be her "friend " and not be bitter etc. She stops talking to him and sends him this really bull**** cheery letter from Africa, pretty much a "wish you were here" type of thing. Such a phoney bitch. I was a helluva lot younger then, I actually threw the letter out before he had a chance to see it because he had done so much to try to get over her. I wouldn't do that now that I am older (and have some better boundaries) but I still think I spared him some pain and BS and I don't regret doing it.
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