myfirstrealbreakup Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) I need help So I am in my late 20s and I have never really been emotionally attached to anyone as much as this girl. I've dated before and I just never felt anything for people I have dated as much as this girl. She was my best friend for over a year. We dated for a year and a half until tonight. I will be upfront and honest, our communication until recently was not good and that was the problem which led to its ultimate failure. I really hurt her and never realized how bad I hurt her until tonight when she explained it to me. I never cheated on her but I looked and texted someone for a hookup but never went through with it. I couldn't do it because I felt dirty. I did this because of resentment I had with her about her abandoning me on her birthday and getting drunk and getting a hotel room with a male friend. After that night, he continually confessed his love for her which put a huge dent on our relationship because thats how her and I became closer. We were friends, we went to a concert together and got drunk and hooked up. After that I let her know I was interested in her. So with this in mind, I figured she cheated on me. He constantly called / texted her everynight at 1-2am. I was a pansey and did not want to know if she actually did so I just suffered through misery for 5 months until I resented her and texted someone off of craigslist. I never had any intention on doing anything and thats why I left the text on my phone, it meant nothing to me. She read the conversation a month after it happened and I had completely forgot about it because it meant nothing to me and it was on my phone. From that point on, she never trusted me again. She knows I did not cheat on her but she feels disposable and I understand She did not want to break up with me, she just wanted our problems to go away and I explained to her thats our problem, she never communicated anything. So I have never in my life felt this crushed, its 7am and I cant sleep, I called out of work. I am angry that she just is giving up. I stayed with her and fought through our problems but she just doesnt want to date anymore right now. She told me that she can see us going long term but just not right now. I do not know what to do. I do not know how to cope, can someone please help me with links or information please. Please do not flame me for my mistakes, we talked tonight one last time a couple hours after she broke up with me and we both came to the realization that we both made mistakes but I do not know how to cope with the breakup, i lost my best friend and my lover that slept next to me for the past 8 months Edited March 7, 2011 by myfirstrealbreakup
mishaps Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Hi there I'm sorry to hear all that. I understand what its like to not eat sleep it function when that happens. I got an e book called the ex recovery system by ashley Kay that helped. She has some videos on you tube as well. I know its hard but I wad a mess for 3 weeks and then one day i said to myself its my life I will live it how I want to and from that day I was better I figured its me making myself upset overthinking (like I am doing now again) and I surrounded myself with friends and then it just took some time. I had a makeover new wardrobe it really does help honest. We are now back together but have a different set or problems lol. Therapy helps too talking on forums and actual therapy and talking to someone who is unbias. I found a happy place where my then ex would never be and went there to.help me relax.
Stilicho Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 its hard man, seems like the worst feeling in the world, i know. the same thing happened to me a little less than 2 1/2 months ago, and it still hurts. although i have dramatically improved since than. all i can say, is take it day by day, go to the gym, eat right, and remind yourself that your gonna survive. if she comes back, she comes back, if she doesnt, she doesnt. i know the possibility of her being gone forever seems like hell, but its not. if so, use this as a learning experience and try to move on. stay strong man.
timchambo Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I need help So I am in my late 20s and I have never really been emotionally attached to anyone as much as this girl. I've dated before and I just never felt anything for people I have dated as much as this girl. She was my best friend for over a year. We dated for a year and a half until tonight. I will be upfront and honest, our communication until recently was not good and that was the problem which led to its ultimate failure. I really hurt her and never realized how bad I hurt her until tonight when she explained it to me. I never cheated on her but I looked and texted someone for a hookup but never went through with it. I couldn't do it because I felt dirty. I did this because of resentment I had with her about her abandoning me on her birthday and getting drunk and getting a hotel room with a male friend. After that night, he continually confessed his love for her which put a huge dent on our relationship because thats how her and I became closer. We were friends, we went to a concert together and got drunk and hooked up. After that I let her know I was interested in her. So with this in mind, I figured she cheated on me. He constantly called / texted her everynight at 1-2am. I was a pansey and did not want to know if she actually did so I just suffered through misery for 5 months until I resented her and texted someone off of craigslist. I never had any intention on doing anything and thats why I left the text on my phone, it meant nothing to me. She read the conversation a month after it happened and I had completely forgot about it because it meant nothing to me and it was on my phone. From that point on, she never trusted me again. She knows I did not cheat on her but she feels disposable and I understand She did not want to break up with me, she just wanted our problems to go away and I explained to her thats our problem, she never communicated anything. So I have never in my life felt this crushed, its 7am and I cant sleep, I called out of work. I am angry that she just is giving up. I stayed with her and fought through our problems but she just doesnt want to date anymore right now. She told me that she can see us going long term but just not right now. I do not know what to do. I do not know how to cope, can someone please help me with links or information please. Please do not flame me for my mistakes, we talked tonight one last time a couple hours after she broke up with me and we both came to the realization that we both made mistakes but I do not know how to cope with the breakup, i lost my best friend and my lover that slept next to me for the past 8 months Women can be scantless man. I am almost certain she hooked up with that dude. They will never admit it. Cmon she went to a hotel with another man on her bday... nothing innocent about that. Now she feels hurt and doesn't like the taste of her own medicine. She is letting you take the fall for the RL. My ex ran off with another guy after 7 years. Trust me I know the pain. She was the love of my life. Now she is a worthless PoS to me. Just give it time.
Author myfirstrealbreakup Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Thanks for the replies people, I really appreciate them, I have written a letter to her saying Im ok with the breakup. I have a great group of friends that have been up and supportive of me for the past 20 hours. I am worth more then someone that doesnt want to fight through the tough times to experience the greatness I have to offer in a relationship. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes, its human nature, its also human nature to forgive and forget. I understand if she cant do it though, I know I deserve better
Author myfirstrealbreakup Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 My girlfriend wants a separation ... she told me today... she wants to break up. She came over to my apartment crying afterwords because she knows she will miss me. We were best friends for over a year and dated for a year and a half. I know where the relationship went sour and I would like a second chance to fix it but at the same time I know I need time to heal. But at the time I was not thinking clearly, I told her ok we can be friends blah blah blah. Later on tonight, right before she went to bed in the living room, I told her I needed time to myself, I do not know how much time but I do not think we can hang out for a while. I do not think she was happy at all with that but Im going to NC hard for a month and see if she responds she wants to get back together. If not hopefully Ill be that much closer to moving on. Thanks for the people that post information on these forums because I would be needy as hell if I did not know about this
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