sweetblubrry Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 My ex broke up Jan 27th after dating for 7 months. We work together so it is hard. We didn't talk for 4 weeks NC besides occasionally seeing each other at work. One night I ran into him after work and we had a 2 hour discussion one night after work about everything that happened the night of the breakup. All the sudden about a week and half ago (the day after discussion) he started getting really flirty and friendly with me again at work (still no calls/texts). And kept asking me about my life and in general seemed so concerned with what i was doing. He even offered to help me move apartments (what??). He did all the cutsy thing he did when we first started dating. The discussion: claims it was all him (and I believe it)... self esteem issues, doesn't trust people, can't let people in, doesn't know what he wants in life, feels like he's dragging me down, is unable to say anything out of fear of disappointing me, concerned with being perfect, can't deal with judgement (from others), etc. It just goes on. Says he never should have asked me out and dragged me into his problems (cause apparently he has struggled with this before) He is a good person deep down, but has a lot of inner turmoil he has to deal with. Sigh. So it has now been a week and half and haven't seen him at work or heard from him. Yet he was so flirty and happy to see me the last time. I don't get it? What is going on? I felt like he had improved and was coming around and now he's gone again. Granted he barely communicated with me thru phone when we were dating (he was fine in person) but nothing. I can't stand it. I miss him so much and wish he would come around. I'm giving him space and not contacting him until he figures out his issues. I'm keeping busy but it still stains the back of my mind every day Any advice?
Simone84 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 ...Some people just can't stand the thought of other people not liking them, for whatever reason. Usually these people are extremely insecure with very little self-esteem. Your ex actually came right out and admitted this to you. You thought him being nice and cutesy how he used to be was because he was "coming around" - sorry, but i don't think so. I think it was because he simply cannot deal with the guilt of benig the one responsible for the relationship failing, and tehrefore, he is being nice to you so that A) he no longer has to carry the burden on himself that he was the one responsible for it ending, and B) so that he is leaving the door open should he change his mind and decide he wants another go with you at some point (he admitted he 'doesn't know what he wants in life', right?). Also, if what you're saying is that HE is the one who said to you "he is a good person but he's just got a lot of turmoil to deal with", then this is a woe-is-me attempt at getting you to feel sorry for him. The way this stuff works also is that the more negative crap he puts on himself, the more you will feel bad for him and think 'oh, the poor guy, yeah he really is a good person, he's just got it real bad in life'. Sounds to me like he's just playing the victim. You haven't said who ended it and how it lead to it exactly? From the sounds of it, i'm guessing it was him?
Author sweetblubrry Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Yea he is the one that ended it. I am the one who said/thinks he has all this inner turmoil, and I don't think he said all of what was wrong to get me to feel sorry for him. I had to sit there and force him to talk about it because I wanted an answer. He cried most of the time. He claims he is seeing a therapist about it. Sigh I don't know what to think.
Author sweetblubrry Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 To add to this already complicated situation... one of his friends has asked me out again. I don't get it! WHy would he do this to his friend (my ex) even though he is the one that broke up with me? You don't date your friends' ex right!? We all work together as well. This can only be a bad situation. Also it does not even matter because I am not interested in the friend like that.
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