NeptunedIN Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I year ago to the day was the break-up. Everything seems great in the beginning, connection like no other, families got along, it moved quickly, etc. Several months in, I find out he’s been secretly meeting up with his ex-wife. He had only been divorced 8 months when we met, had assured me it was over, he’d had the rebounds, etc. Long story short, he hadn’t even begun to process the divorce. He was married 8 years, unhappy, realized they were a poor fit (she agreed), he initiated what turned out to be an amicable divorce, but remained friends without properly grieving the divorce. Obviously, not a good idea, especially when I enter the picture. Jealousy ensues, I find out they never had space, distance to properly move on. She instigates a full-force mission to get him back. She says he owes her another chance because they had (as he failed to mention this to me in the beginning) agreed to leave all options on the table in the future. SO basically they weren’t divorced, but effectively separated and my dumba** walked right into their drama. Don’t worry, I’ve learned to do better due diligence in the future. After him promising to stop seeing her, cut it off with her, she keeps provoking him, he keeps engaging in renewed interest, I leave, devastated. I lash out, he says something not nice, I never hear from him again. I even reached out several months later, as I hadn’t gotten closure and felt screwed over and punished for not ever getting answers. I forgave him, never heard anything back. Not even a recognition that he got my note…it hurt. It’s taken about a year to get over him, never fallen so hard for someone. BUT, I realized through a lot of self-introspection, I had several issues that I needed to work on. I realized that I had rushed into things, ignored red flags, so realized that it was all for the best. It hurt, but I realized he was confused, and he had his own journey to go on. I get the letter a few days go. He’s apologizing for all the hurt he caused. Admits that he was confused, went back to ex-wife, it didn’t last long at all, she was insanely jealous of me, and …what a surprise…was still a poor fit, so all the same problems that were originally in the marriage just resurfaced…as I’d warned him, but he had to figure it out for himself. He misses me, hasn’t stopped thinking of me, wished the timing had been better, wants me in his life, etc. He blames the situation, but still fails to take accountability for the betrayal as a result of HIS actions and choices, even if the consequences were unintentional (as in hurting me). I’ve been on am emotional whirlwind since I read it. Everything I thought I had let go of has resurfaced. I don’t even know what to think anymore. Even though there are a thousand things I’d like to say and get of my chest in response, I’m thinking it’s better to not respond. But of course I miss him. I just don’t see how we could ever recover from this, even as friends. I wish I HADN’t heard from him at all this point. My heart is in a knot. …I basically just needed to get this off my chest. I’m open to any comments, but thanks for just letting me put it out in writing.
Thatguyintx Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 What do you want out of this situation? Honestly, what are your desires? It seems to me that you are the backup plan. I don't think I could handle that. If I were in your situation, I would not respond.
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