ger2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Hi Long story short. My girlfriend broke up with me eight weeks ago after ten months. We were crazy in love and she was the first to say it to me. We spent almost every spare minute we had with each other and it was like we were never apart. A couple of weeks before she broke up with me we were having a lot of stupid arguements and she turned around and said we need some time apart. We broke up for a week after i begged for her to come back. We lasted 3 day's back together. Until she just flipped out and said that things were moving to fast, it was to much presure for her, things where getting far to serious etc. She said she didn't want a boyfriend at the moment it was to much pressure. She said the week we were apart she didn't have any worries she could just spend time with friends. I said are you sure this is what you want she broke down and said i don't know I'm so confussed i know its what i want now but i am so scared that a few weeks down the road i will feel different. She also said you don't have to worrie about me being with anyone i just don't want anyone at the moment. So any way we broke up. But the thing is she is contacting me at least once a week everyweek since we broke up. We would just text and it's only general friendly chit chat. She keep's going on about how she goes out every night and how good a time she is having. She keeps emhasising it. But never mentions anything about us and i am afraid to in case she thinks I'm pressurizing her again. Any thoughts please I am so broken hearted.
YssaBoo Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 Give her the time she needs.It is the exact same thing I went through and now we are starting over.Read some of my posts and you'll understand.It has been since Feb7 and it is just now like when we started dating last year.I think we saw each other too much and he told me one time it was freaking him out,like he was married or something. He's in college and has alot of problems at home to deal with and the pressure was just too much. The ball is in his court now and I'm leaving it up too him and that is what he is doing.I really don't mind either,because I care so much for him and I want him to know I am there,but no pressure. If you truely love someone give them the time they need,but know when it is enough for you to handle.I have had alot of people that usually 2-3 months is what it usually takes for their significant other to realize that they miss their ex.Good luck and keep us posted and do alot of praying and soul searching,it works.
firefly_76 Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 ger2004, It sounds like she is a bit pressured and that you are putting a lot of yourself on the line here. You are putting yourself in the position where her opinions of you and her plans to be with you (or to not be with you) are going to hurt very much if things don't go your way. It is actually very similar to my experience a short time ago. My ex had (has) enormous family stresses on her, and felt too stressed and stretched to deal with everything. She too messages me frequently, at least 2-3 times per week. Personally, I find hope in this situation. She is being honest with you, and still obviously cares about you, since she is still contacting you. She needs space and is taking that space. Understand that she is not obligated to you, and she is not obligated to give a rat's behind about your feelings. She has chosen to do that for you. So either she cares for your feelings enough to keep contact, or she feels that she needs you in her life, at least to a small extent. It is good you are not pressuring her. If you do truly love her, yuo will accept and give her what she needs. And right now she needs her friends and herself. By taking this approach, she is making claim to her entire person, and is taking what she needs for herself. You need to do the same. Keep your head up, smile (cause it WILL make you feel better) and move on with your life. I am not saying to let go of her if you don't want to. But you do have to let go of the feeling that 'she is for me and I am for her'. Understand that she is a volunteer in your life. She is separate from you, you are separate from her. The love you have or had did and may again connect you, but at this time the strings are loose. It's very important to take care of yourself and hold your head high, I can't emphasize this enough. If you can accept living separate lives, and taking care of yourself first and feel comfortable with that, then you have a choice to make. You can either let the love you have for her exist if it is still there, or you can choose to let go. Often there is not much of a choice in all of that. If you choose to love her still, you do it AS SHE IS RIGHT NOW, and not for who she was or what she was to you. If you can love unselfishly and healthily, without the expectation for hers in return, then do it. But do it because you love that person, period. Do it while you commit to yourself that you take care of and love yourself FIRST. She may come back, she may find another. Nobody knows and nobody can change what happens. I just hope you feel that you are true with yourself. You know, there is much to be said about the ability to give unselfish love. It is really the only way to completely accept yourself and love yourself.
tom_gbr Posted March 30, 2004 Posted March 30, 2004 i hear you buddy my relationship of six months ended three weeks ago over a phone call and i only got to see her in person a week ago. After i saw her i didnt contact her at all, she sent me a text message friday asking how i was, that was all, so i replied but cant remember what i said cause i was drunk! whoops! I sent her a friendley message saturday night and she replied with not much at all. Havent had contact with her since and its getting me down so much. Shes going out this thursday and im so worried shes gonna get with someone. I know it's none of my business anymore but i cant get these images out of my head. When we broke up it was because the relationship was too difficult as we live two hours apart and because of the four year age difference ( me being 20 and her being 16 ) we both wanted different things. She said with everything thats going on in her life she really doesnt need a boyfriend right now and she needs to be alone to sort things out and that we will never be togther again. She said it will be ages before she has another boyfriend but it bothers me just as much that shes just going to be getting with guys. I really wanna phone her and sound like im having a good time as apparntly its a good idea to do this. To show them that you are coping and having a good time. Just take everyday at a time like i do mate, somedays i feel good and others i dont
shiddle Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 ger2004, I'm dealing with exactly the same thing you are... our time frames are even exact. I'm feeling the same things you are, I don't really know where to go from here. Yesterday I took a good look at everything, myself and the relationship. What I'm seeing is that I changed a lot. We had 6 really good months, then we both went back to school and she began getting stressed out, all she wanted was some space to deal with the stress, but I didn't understand that, and all I did was try to force myself into her life more to try to help her. Eventually the arguements got bigger and by the end of January we were apart. I've tried everything, but the thing that I've come to realize is that I've changed so much that I couldn't even love myself anymore, let alone expect someone else to. I realize that the only thing that I can do now is to allow myself to get back to the person I was before, the person that she fell in love with. We do have more contact than you and your ex though, but the only thing I can see to do now is to show her that I have again become the person that she fell in love with. Hopefully she will see it in her heart to be able to love that person again. Basically its the only thing to do. I plan on being there for her as a friend and help her get through what she needs to get through and hopefully, God willing, once she deals with what she has to deal with, I'll be right there for her so that we can continue what we once had. I don't know if this will work for you, but it's the only thing I have left to do. At least if it doesn't work I will still have the best friend I've ever had with me. It will be hard to deal with in the future, but I really think it's better than just letting go. I hope that my words and my situation will help you understand yours.
Recommended Posts