kat08 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Here's my story my ex fiance( he's 27) and I (I'm 39)broke up a week ago we were together 2 yr 3 month. The reason for the break up is pretty interesting. I found out he was talking through Facebook and texting some girl ( she 23 ) and it started on Thursday evening we broke up Sat afternoon when I found out. He moved out and called her to pick him and his stuff up. On Sunday morning both their Facebook pages were changed saying that their in a relationship with each other. They have never even hung out until that Saturday. He's bragging about her and introducing her to everyone including his family. Will this last? I'm having such a hard time letting go...I invested 2 1/2 yrs.
raidernation Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 It may or may not be a rebound relationship, what you need to focus on is not talking to him and ignoring his additional attempts at hurting you. What he is doing sounds very immature and hurtful so i would just try to not give him any satisfaction. Focus on healing, getting your mind off of things, he cant miss you if you are in his life, look up the NC guide and you should start getting angry that he is with another woman so quickly. I'm really sorry this happened to you and i'm going through the same thing right now really sucks
Author kat08 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 A little more info. I have not had any contact with him at all. This is our third break up. The first two were done by me and only lasted a few days each time. He was the one that always contacted me and wanted to come back. I feel this is different this time since this is the first time he has a new girlfriend. Hurts because he moved one so quickly like our 2 years didn't mean anything.
covergirl1977 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Well I certainly think its weird that he would be in a relationship with someone he just started talking to so quickly. Rebound or just ready for something new in a situation like this will end in a break up. Rebounds don't last (I am the victim of one and should have know better) and relationships that take off that fast are surely to die down once the realization of who this person is sets in for either of them. He obviously had a strong connection to you if he became a "fiance". How can you just forget that so fast. Clearly, if he is talking to a girl while in a relationship he needs to take time for himself to sort it out. Thats the thing about guys that gets on my nerves. Why not figure it all out before making a move????
NamNam Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Let it go, it's not very nice what has happened to you. But agonising about his life and next gf doesn't do anything but cause grief. Forget about him, easier said than done I know but that's the reality. All the best
covergirl1977 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I also want to say move on but believe me I know its hard. I thinks its hard to really move on this fast. You were in a 2.5 yr relationship and its only been a week. I had a short lived one and its been two weeks and I'm still disappointed. Went on a date last night. The guy was not for me, no chemistry but under normal circumstances you just take it for what it is. I was actually sad because it just reminded me of how much I felt for the d-bag. Time heals...its still early for you. You are going to obsess and its ok but for your own sake just try to keep busy so that you can minimize it a bit. Stay strong
Simone84 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 You say he "started talking to this girl on Thursday evening and you broke up on Saturday afternoon when you found out"... So, really, within the space of THREE DAYS after meeting her, he moved in with her and changed his status to "relationship"? Sorry, but this makes no sense on any level... He is lying if he's trying to tell you that he's only known this girl for three days... These two have known each other at least a few weeks before he broke up with you. Promise you that! 1. Makes no sense because he's your fiance - you dont just dump your fiance for someone you've know for three days. 2. Makes no sense because anyone in their right mind would NOT let a dude move in with them after only knowing him for a few days (???) Please believe me when i tell you, that if HE was the one that told you he only knew her for a few days - then he was lying to your face. Plain and simple. Besides, if he convinces you that he hasn't known her for very long, then that actually makes him look like he wasn't sneaking around behind your back with her for a while... 'Just a few days' sounds better than 'a few weeks' or longer. In his own mind, that doesn't make him look as bad. (Even though in reality, he looks like a cheating douche). As for him introducing her to his family/friends - rest assured, this is his attempt at trying reeeally, reeally hard to better make this work. Because you busted him cheating and he probably knows things will never be the same with your relationship ever again now. Sounds like he's almost forcing it to work with her. By the way, he's 27, pretty much all of my male friends are 27... And no matter what side of himself he revealed to you during those 2.5 years together, 27 year old guys are still children deep down inside. They are emotionally immature to the point that it's scary that they're almost 30. And even at 30 they are still emotionally retarded. So no, this will not last. And if you back off now and don't contact him at all, he'll be back. Just don't contact him.
Gossamer Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 My God...this is not just immaturity. This guy was living with you, and you were engaged? Now because he doesn't want "Mommy" anymore that you've helped him grow up, and by that, I mean *no matter your age, he'd be doing it to someone else*, he's having a Charlie Sheen, celebrity-style tantrum/meltdown escape from an evil captor/foe by one of his fan-enablers-girlfriends-in-the-making? Sorry...this guy is just a sh*tty human being, no matter his age, and I do wholeheartedly agree with Simone84 about a lot of guys in his age range and even older, being destructive and emotionally immature. Still, he was living with you, and you were engaged. The way he left is a whole other level of...entitlement. It is shocking to me that in order to set this up, getting picked up by the fantasy savior, he has had to have been badmouthing you to the 23 year old, whether they met, or not. There will always be immature or misdirected females ready to feel "needed and wanted and special" in any ways in which they can get that sort of attention. Especially online. Oh, the crumbs she has accepted. It sounds like he created a situation, in his head, imagined, or in reality, in which he was been unable to articulate that he feels that you have been more emotionally grounded and mature, as any woman same age or older would generally be. So. Ummm, deal with it? My recent ex was also significantly younger, though he is in his 30s. Until a guy is truly ready to settle down, an immature guy may be prone to promising you everything, making sure you commit to him, but if he doesn't feel he's been single enough, will, when the relationship becomes more real, find many reasons to break up vs. work it out. The more abrupt and the more dishonesty there is, a guy who is not truthful about his doubts about being committed while leading you on, the more abusive he can be to you to get out of any responsibility or consequences. He obviously does not understand consequences...yet. Wait until he sees her on the toilet or giggling too much in her Hello Kitty PJs and she starts being desperately close and clingy. Guess who'll look like a really cool girlfriend and friend he deeply misses? Here's my story my ex fiance( he's 27) and I (I'm 39)broke up a week ago we were together 2 yr 3 month. The reason for the break up is pretty interesting. I found out he was talking through Facebook and texting some girl ( she 23 ) and it started on Thursday evening we broke up Sat afternoon when I found out. He moved out and called her to pick him and his stuff up. On Sunday morning both their Facebook pages were changed saying that their in a relationship with each other. They have never even hung out until that Saturday. He's bragging about her and introducing her to everyone including his family. Will this last? I'm having such a hard time letting go...I invested 2 1/2 yrs.
Author kat08 Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 That's what I first thought to. But, I have had access to his phone records and History on our computer. Which he never deleted trust me because there were times I found some interesting stuff. Anyhow I no for sure w/o a doubt that they started taking Thur evening. They didn't move into with each other she just picked him up from my house to take him to the room he is renting. I have had NC at all and even changed my number last week when he sent me a text asking if his taxes came in the mail. He has since changed his mailing address cuz I'm not getting an mail of his. What's ur opinion on this? Is he just dating her cuz he's afraid to be alone? make me jealous? seeing what else is out there? Do you think he will try and come back?
spackle Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 some people WILL cling or start relationships with people they have low interest in just to stop themselves being alone. I think for some especially if they've come out of LTR they seem to find going to an empty bed unbearable. He may have met the love of his life, it may be a whirlwind fling, who knows...but would you want him back knowing he can act like such a spaz to you? Was there any sign he was pulling away?
Movingthrough Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 This is our third break up. This is over, i hope you can move on soon. As far as what he has with this other girl, its not going to last. Doesn't mean its a rebound but come on, i believe facebook is a good tool to see how messed up people are (as bad as that sounds). When you are in a relationship with someone and your first move is to put it online, thats a joke. I was with a girl for years and never even thought about doing that, it shouldn't be a focus. To me facebook and social networking is a just another pallet to show the insecurities of a relationship. The point is, they got the facebook going, they are so "in love" and everything is beautiful when they don't even know each other. Recipe for disaster right there.
Rose T Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 My God...this is not just immaturity. This guy was living with you, and you were engaged? Now because he doesn't want "Mommy" anymore that you've helped him grow up, and by that, I mean *no matter your age, he'd be doing it to someone else*, he's having a Charlie Sheen, celebrity-style tantrum/meltdown escape from an evil captor/foe by one of his fan-enablers-girlfriends-in-the-making? Sorry...this guy is just a sh*tty human being, no matter his age, and I do wholeheartedly agree with Simone84 about a lot of guys in his age range and even older, being destructive and emotionally immature. Still, he was living with you, and you were engaged. The way he left is a whole other level of...entitlement. It is shocking to me that in order to set this up, getting picked up by the fantasy savior, he has had to have been badmouthing you to the 23 year old, whether they met, or not. There will always be immature or misdirected females ready to feel "needed and wanted and special" in any ways in which they can get that sort of attention. Especially online. Oh, the crumbs she has accepted. It sounds like he created a situation, in his head, imagined, or in reality, in which he was been unable to articulate that he feels that you have been more emotionally grounded and mature, as any woman same age or older would generally be. So. Ummm, deal with it? My recent ex was also significantly younger, though he is in his 30s. Until a guy is truly ready to settle down, an immature guy may be prone to promising you everything, making sure you commit to him, but if he doesn't feel he's been single enough, will, when the relationship becomes more real, find many reasons to break up vs. work it out. The more abrupt and the more dishonesty there is, a guy who is not truthful about his doubts about being committed while leading you on, the more abusive he can be to you to get out of any responsibility or consequences. He obviously does not understand consequences...yet. Really good advice from Gossamer here... (where were you when I was going through my messy break-up??! You sound really together girl!! ) I know it feels horrible at the moment but if it's any comfort, he's probably in a mess too right now. There's nothing you can do about him and you have to concentrate on yourself. You have to show dignity and really be bigger than him. He had a chance to be with you and he has really screwed that up. Hang on in there and try not to let his new 'relationship' hurt you more than it needs to. All that is just really about him being unable to handle a break-up by himself. Give him the space he's asked for - all of it. He has to face the consequences of losing you so it's time to disappear.
Graceful Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) He sounds like a moron and a fool. But you on the other hand? You don't sound like you've got your head on straight, either. Two previous breakups? Now he (supposedly) just met this girl on FB and they're an overnight sensation? If you are really 39 years old, then you better get your act together, because if ages were not included, I would have thought this was a high school fling. He's a 27-year old child. Makes me uncomfortable just thinking about his arrested development which you have obviously fostered. Seriously. Get rid of the kid, grow up, and start dating someone who resembles a responsible, respectful human being. No loss throwing this kid back in the water, IMHO. Long overdue. Good luck. Edited March 12, 2011 by Graceful
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