new0726 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 My current "ex" just informed she is pregnant today. We have been apart for about 3 weeks. But we have talked everyday of it. And as of last week she has decided that I am the one she wants to be with, but we haven't made a move to jump into it yet. Problem is...We had sex I would say...probably a month and a half ago. But while we were broken up she had sex with an ex one time. She has her tubes tied and we never thought this would be an issue. She has been having a lot of pain and stuff so she went to the doctor and they did a pregnancy test 3 times and it was confirmed that she is. She has to go tomorrow to get an ultrasound to see if the pregnancy is ectopic or not. And if not how far along she is... Im just wondering what are the chances the baby is mine. I do want to be with her and I know she wants to be with me. But if it's not mine...I simply can't do that. Thoughts anyone? The situation is pretty messed up. And she feels awful about not knowing 100%. Thanks everyone.
Saphira Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 well i guess you should go with her and see how far along she is. If that is a complete deal breaker for you (although you were not together at the time) then you will know wether it is yours or not. And if it is not yours then she has some things to deal with the other man anyway. (hello im pregnant with you baby kind of stuff) If you are thinking about getting back together with her but need to know about the baby first. then do just that. Go with her and get the results. Then you will have your decision i guess. and if it is your baby, are you prepared for that? you werent ready for it (hence the whole tubs tied thing right?) would you be ok with having a baby?
Author new0726 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I am 4 years younger than she is. But I am ready. With her by my side I think we would do just fine. I graduated college recently and am looking for a job. So as long as I find a job before then everything should go well. It's just the anticipation that is killing me. And I offered to go, even though I have to work...but apparently she is taking her mother. So..I guess all I can do is wait and see... Thank you so much for your reply.
Saphira Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 you are so very welcome. I hope everything works out in your favor. And i wish you the best of luck. Yes im sure the anticipation is horrible. I am not a patient person, and if i were in your shoes, it would be even worse. But you cant fastfoward time unfortunately. Try and keep yourself buisy until that day comes. Good luck =]
fiser360 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Then that makes two of us! I am so impatient. I just don't understand...we have barely talked today at all. If I were here I would be trying to talk to me a ridiculous amount. But I guess tomorrow will tell....
Duckduckgoose Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Get the baby DNA tested. If its your baby take good care of the him/her whether or not you stay involved with the mother. If its not your kid run like hell.
Art_Critic Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 With her tubes being tied and getting pregnant then an ectopic pregnancy is a very possible scenario. Why would you want to be with a girl that has sex with with an ex right after breaking up with you ?.. She doesn't use contraception to keep her safe from disease. There isn't a way of telling who is the Dad without a blood test since there is only a little bit of time that separates when she had sex with you and then has sex with him. A woman ovulates about on day 14 of her cycle and the first days starts the first day she starts menstruation She can get pregnant from have sex 4-5 days before ovulation to a couple of days after. Is she still in contact with her other Ex ?
Art_Critic Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) Get the baby DNA tested. If its your baby take good care of the him/her whether or not you stay involved with the mother. If its not your kid run like hell. That only happens after birth... There are tests that can do it before but the baby's health is at too much of a risk, miscarriage can be caused by that so that is why a judge would wait to order one till after the baby is born. In order to find paternity they will have to have both guys DNA as well.. not just his.. I guess she could do those home DNA tests though until she finds the real Dad. Edited March 7, 2011 by Art_Critic
fiser360 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 There is over a month that separates the time. I think the results of the ultrasound should be sufficient and if not...then there will have to be DNA testing after the baby is born assuming that is what happens. That is the reason she had her tubes tied in the first place, problems during past pregnancy. Thank you for the replies everyone.
fiser360 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 With her tubes being tied and getting pregnant then an ectopic pregnancy is a very possible scenario. Why would you want to be with a girl that has sex with with an ex right after breaking up with you ?.. She doesn't use contraception to keep her safe from disease. There isn't a way of telling who is the Dad without a blood test since there is only a little bit of time that separates when she had sex with you and then has sex with him. A woman ovulates about on day 14 of her cycle and the first days starts the first day she starts menstruation She can get pregnant from have sex 4-5 days before ovulation to a couple of days after. Is she still in contact with her other Ex ? As far as contact with the other guy? I'm not sure. I assume she has informed him of her being pregnant and going to the doctor tomorrow as well.
Art_Critic Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Are you posting with 2 different id's ? If a month separates the 2 of you then the Dad would be the one who had sex with her after her last period .. Who is that ? you or her other ex ? If she says she hasn't had a period since she had sex with you both then it might be him...
Author new0726 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I thought I had forgotten that ID. Well...apparently not. Haha. Well, I honestly don't remember when her last was. Everything just seems so jumbled right now. Thanks for being a little bit supportive. But you're right. It very well could be his. In which case...I'm gone.
Saphira Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 well if you say there was that much time between then you can tell maybe. and if the time plays out were you both think it is yours then be there for her during the pregnancy and i would still suggest getting the DNA test after the baby is born. Just to be 100% positive it is or isnt yours.
Author new0726 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Just sucks that I would be playing 9 months of "dad"...only to find out it's not mine. But I guess that is the only way to go.
Saphira Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 yes, unfortunitly it is the only way to go, to be completely certain anyway. but wouldnt you rather be there for 9 months and find out it is or isnt yours and you were there, then to skip out on her for 9 months and then find out it is yours and you were no where during the pregnancy term. Unfortunately 9 months is the time frame
Mcnulty Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Firstly, having unprotected sex with someone straight after breaking with you is bad!!! You say you love her, yes? If you love her, surely you will want to be there for her through the pregnancy regardless of the father?
Saphira Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Firstly, having unprotected sex with someone straight after breaking with you is bad!!! You say you love her, yes? If you love her, surely you will want to be there for her through the pregnancy regardless of the father? my thoughts exactly. there are lot of babies being raised by fathers who arent biological. If you love her then you should be able to love the child as if it were your own. that may be a big red flag there. if you cants see yourself doing that, maybe she isnt the one.
Author new0726 Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 You guys are right. I do love her. And if I have to be by her side for 9 months to find out...then that's what I will do. Thank you so much.
Saphira Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 You guys are right. I do love her. And if I have to be by her side for 9 months to find out...then that's what I will do. Thank you so much. your welcome! i wish you the best =D
Author new0726 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 So she went to the doctor today, and they did more blood work. But he really didn't have too much to say other than he was pretty positive that it had implanted in her uterus...which is good. So now she has to go back next week for more blood work and hopefully some answers for us. She sent me a picture of a home pregnancy test she took tonight and the positive sign was pretty faint. Which I am assuming means one of two things...1. That she is only two to three weeks...MAYBE four. Or 2. That she is further along and is at risk to miscarry. Neither of which sounds like good news. So I don't know what to think anymore. We have to wait a whole week to get any more answers and it's going to drive me insane. I don't know what to do. -sigh-
Saphira Posted March 9, 2011 Posted March 9, 2011 thats not good. and i think that you mentioned once that she got her tubes tied because of past problems? does she often miscarry? I hope everything is okay.
Author new0726 Posted March 9, 2011 Author Posted March 9, 2011 Right. She has two girls already...and had complications with the last, and so they determined it was safest to tie her tubes. I don't think she has ever miscarried before that I know of. She still thinks it is mine and is trying to tell me not to write it off yet...so I'm trying to keep my cool.
Author new0726 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 So it looks as if she has miscarried, she has to go to the doctor to confirm tomorrow...It's kind of a catch-22 here. It's an awful thing and she is upset and so am I...but at the same time, it could save our relationship. Who knows. Things happen for a reason, right?
lcfc1993 Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 So sorry to hear about the loss of a child. Tragic stuff mate. RIP.
Author new0726 Posted March 10, 2011 Author Posted March 10, 2011 So sorry to hear about the loss of a child. Tragic stuff mate. RIP. It isn't set in stone yet. But it is hard...even if we really only had the IDEA of it...it still hurts.
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