OhioGuy Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Hello everyone, I would like your advice.... I apologize for the length, but want to make sure you have as much info as possible.... I met this girl on an online dating site a little over a month ago - we're both young, successful, busy professionals and we seemed to hit it off great. We have yet to hang out because of the jacked-up schedule she admittedly has, but the romantic interest is definitely there, also as stated. (Note: She lives no more than an hour away). We talk every day, sometimes a few times a day at length. Things are good... then a couple weekends ago, she get this journal that had been in a time capsule for over ten years. In this journal - addressed to her - is a spill-all from her best-guy friend from birth. He confesses a lot, some of his personal struggles through school and - you guessed it - his secret love for her. Talk about a cheap shot to the gut.... Anyway, She told me about it the same day and though we aren't dating, she cared for and respected me enough to let me know this information which is super-cool of her. I asked her what she wanted me to do and she wasn't sure about anything seeing as it was a lot to process (understandably so). We continued to talk, up until Thursday of this past week when she was stopped by this friend in the hallway of her home. He slammed it on her again that he really wanted to talk to her about this and to wait any longer would be "emotionally unbearable" for him. he wants to date her - I asked if she wanted the same and her response was that she hasn't really looked at him like that, he's always just been her best friend. This put her into a spiral of what-to-do, what-to-do since she loves him to death as a friend, and doesn't want to lose that BUT she (and quote) "really freaking likes me" (she is crying on the phone at this point) and it really pained her to ask for some time to figure this out. I said that although it sucked to have to give her some space (but not be ruled out of the race), I understood and respected her enough to honor that request. She further stated that she doesn't want me to be angry and disappear. We didn't talk the rest of the night - although I did send a friendly "have a good day at work, hope you are feeling better" text the next morning. I later got one back asking how I slept and she also slept like crap, she missed out nightly talk before bed, etc. Later that night, I got a phone call, and she was obviously sad. She said that she had driven all the way down here to see me, but was such a train wreck that she didn't want me to see her like that. She ate in the city, and left but said that she just wanted to see my face... just be around me and talk. She thought I would be mad at her not even letting me know she was here, but instead, I let her know I wasn't and was so happy that she called and that she made the trip, despite the lack of a visit per se. She said she was so torn and needs to talk to her guy friend about this journal issue, as they haven't had time to address it. She said she loved me for being so understanding and patient with this damn aful mess.... We ended the convo on a good note and left it at that. I get a phone call at 530am (now saturday) from her as she couldn't sleep. We talked for a few hours, about randomness, and she was going to try and go back to bed. She called me back around noon just to thank me for talking to her, it helped her relax and go back to sleep. I heard from her a couple times throughout the day, briefly, because she had some quiet time and wanted to talk to me. She talked about the journal with him last night - lasted an hour or so - and she called me back after still trying to process the matter... but she just wanted to talk to me and just talk. I made her feel better and we have talked a couple times today. Now, guy-friend has obviously stepped up his game and is quietly competing against any attention I get from her on facebook. Not to mention, he's currently her roomie due to a housing situation a few weeks ago. He's even put up a pic of he and her from a trip a couple years ago on FB. I haven't heard a disposition about who's the lead dog in this race (so to speak) but I just want to know from all of you.... DO I HAVE A SHOT AT THIS? WHAT CAN I DO TO NOT SCREW IT UP? ANY OTHER ADVICE/ PERSONAL OUTLOOKS? Thanks for your advice.
spice4life Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Wow, you are in a tough spot and it totally sucks. She sounds completely confused about what she wants right now. I'm not sure I would trust that she has no romantic interest in him. If that were the case, believe me, he wouldn't have a shot. Not trying to be harsh, just giving you a woman's perspective. Are you sure she is giving you the whole story? Maybe I'm jaded because I was involved in an affair, but something is not sitting right with her story. This is a tough one because you haven't even dated yet and you are already thrown into a weird emotional triangle. Be careful and protect yourself. She may not be giving you the whole story and could possibly be more involved with this guy then she is letting on. Keep us updated.
Author OhioGuy Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Spice4Life, Thanks for your reply... I have been out of the steady dating game for a while by choice. I enjoyed playing the field and not being emotionally tied down after a major burn several years ago. It was hard to recover from that, but finally have. So, when I feel like I'm not being told the whole story, I want to just think that it's me defaulting to my "no-settle-down" alarm going off. BUT I also come from a professional background where trusting your instincts mean everything and unfortunately, I feel (ever so slightly) that I may be being duped. Does that make sense?
spice4life Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Definitely makes sense. The whole scenario is screaming red flags. From her jacked up schedule, the journal, to this guy living at her place all of sudden. It all sounds like she is not being honest with you and could possibly even be married and is looking for an affair. If you read through these boards you will see the same theme throughout many of the stories here. People who are only interested in an affair enjoy the ego boost they get from knowing someone is interested in them. Follow your gut and don't let yourself get sucked in without knowing the real story. It's a painful path to travel down and can take a long time to get out once you are in. KWIM?
Author OhioGuy Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Absolutely, I do know what you mean. I guess we all want to believe that people are who they say they are... Good always prevails against evil, bacon is good for you, you can still get gas for 1.89 (somewhere), and love finds a way. Ah well....
spice4life Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 LOL...it's good that your instincts were telling you to be careful. They certainly lead you to the right forum! It's hard to believe there are people like that in this world and if I have learned anything, I've learned to "trust" my instincts. Be careful if you decide to explore this situation and push to get the true story right away. Best wishes.
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