Foolintherain Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Two people who dated 15 years ago. Fell in love but both were two young and immature at the time. 12 years pass with no contact. They both get married to other people. Both have kids. Both very unhappy in their marriage. They meet up again and reconnect. Emotions for each other are exactly the same. Both realize they are still in love. Emotional affair starts that leads to a sexual affair as well. Goes on for a year. They finally come clean with their spouses. They both want out to be with each other. Both spouses have anger issues and are emotionally abusive. Both lovers admit they were never in love with their spouses. Are these two married lovers crazy with delusional notions of romantic love or is more likely a case of "Grass always looks greener on the other side."
BB07 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Are these two married lovers crazy with delusional notions of romantic love or is more likely a case of "Grass always looks greener on the other side." Probably some of both. The odds are definitely against you and it will be a huge uphill battle. Sounds like everyone involved should partake in some counseling. I'm sure the ones who got left are struggling with a lot of hurt and anger, rightfully so.
phillyfan Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Dude if u both r in love, if this has gone so far as all this talkin, all this time, all these emotions, all the great sex, u guys sayin yea we r in love, then WHY WHY WHY r u still sneakin around? This 100% dont make sense. Sounds to me like it aint as cut n dry as u make out, u split up 1st time, rite, u decided to marry other ppl, rite, you decided to have kids with other ppl, rite? So why afta 12 yrs is the history suddenly 'yea, he/she was my 1 an only, we r in love, our marriages are sh*t'. Sounds to me like they aint so sh*t if u still there. U do wateva u like...as long as ur honest. And theres a reason ppl arent honest, u work out wat that reason is THEN ull know what to do nxt.
dbtmarley Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I'd say it's most likely a case of the "grass is greener on the other side" syndrome. If the spouses make the two cheaters unhappy then they should be with each other. I mean how else do they find out if they are making a mistake or not? Get some bills together, squabble over who's going to cook dinner, and why Tide detergent is your least favorite for the wash... The cheater's have figured out and become to comfortable in their marriages. It's time for them to get out there and find someone else to trust now with their bank account and future plans. Good luck to you Tell them I said good luck.
Author Foolintherain Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 The story is more complicated than it sounds. There are reasons they both made poor choices in their lives. Quite a bit of fear and self esteem issues that led the relationship to end the first time. Both have some personal issues to work on. They both are well aware of that. Both are very open and honest with each other over their self esteem. Do be so quick to judge others unless you have walked in their shoes with same experiences. Big difference between empathy and sympathy.
dbtmarley Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 The story is more complicated than it Do be so quick to judge others unless you have walked in their shoes with same experiences. Big difference between empathy and sympathy. Not judging at all. You should be exercising those differences on your SO though. Breaking up with your SO is ok when you fall out of love. Breaking up with your SO because you feel tempted to cheat is Ok as well in my opinion. Doing so before you cheat shows a bit of sympathy and empathy towards your SO and doesn't just make you look like a selfish person. But it's too late for that now, right? The story is more complicated than it sounds. It sounds like it, more than I'll ever know actually. There are reasons they both made poor choices in their lives. experiences. And if you realize that you should be able to realize that you are currently still making bad choices. A relationship built upon lies and deceit is not always the best of foundations. Quite a bit of fear and self esteem issues that led the relationship to end the first time. Who are you talking about? With the new person or the SO? I hope it isn't the new person you're talking about. Sounds like troubles on the horizon if you are. \ Both have some personal issues to work on. They both are well aware of that. Both are very open and honest with each other over their self esteem. If you say so. I guess open and honest has it's limits.. either that or it's highly subjective these days.
Woman In Blue Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Do be so quick to judge others unless you have walked in their shoes with same experiences. Big difference between empathy and sympathy. Oh FFS! If you knew how many people on these boards spouted the same trite garbage, you'd be embarrassed for being the 2 millionth one to spew it. Everyone doesn't have to get caught up in some delusional little online affair with a past 'soulmate' in order to know what you're talking about. Why are you asking a bunch of strangers on an internet message board what their opinion of this silliness is? Just go for it. You don't need our permission. Oh - and when it comes back to bite you in the ass, maybe you'll re-think some of the opinions you were given in this thread.
robf1971 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Are these two married lovers crazy with delusional notions of romantic love or is more likely a case of "Grass always looks greener on the other side." jeez pass me the vomit bucket
robf1971 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 and when it comes back to bite you in the ass, I would say that is about the only certainty in this.
Goldenspoon Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Two people who dated 15 years ago. Fell in love but both were two young and immature at the time. It won't end well. Relationships in of of itself is hard enough. Relationship that are affairs and cost of the break up of marriages, family, tearing children's lifes apart will not work. When you have an argument with your spouse, it's just an argument. When you have an argument with your affair partner, it will be 10 times bigger, because on the back of your mind, you will be thinking, "I am giving up my family, marrige and broke my children's lifes for this shxx!" Your affair partner will think of your the same way every time you do something wrong as small as not taking out the trash. The stigma, baggage, guilt, etc. will stay with you for the remainder (I say remainder, because the affair will end) of the relationship.
Jonah Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Two people Are these two married lovers crazy with delusional notions of romantic love or is more likely a case of "Grass always looks greener on the other side." Even if the two made it to the marriage or living together stage... One tough aspect: merging two families, which is one of the toughest things in the world to do. Believe me I know. It may look easy on the outside, but try to live it - many have failed just on that hurtle... You may end up hating each other. A quote from my old pal soon after he married the woman of his dreams: "She treats my kids like crap but want's me to accept hers as family." Add to that TWO vindictive ex's. Oh the drama!
Chula Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) The story is more complicated than it sounds. There are reasons they both made poor choices in their lives. Quite a bit of fear and self esteem issues that led the relationship to end the first time. Both have some personal issues to work on. They both are well aware of that. Both are very open and honest with each other over their self esteem. Do be so quick to judge others unless you have walked in their shoes with same experiences. Big difference between empathy and sympathy. Foolintherain - Every story is more complicated than they sound....that's the truth. Life's complicated. And, BTW, a lot of us have walked in these shoes - on one side of the street or the other. Think about where you're posting, after all. Perhaps these people you speak about need to work on their "self esteem" and "other personal issues" before abandoning their marriages for each other. Surely they are smart enough to know they are doomed to repeat history if they don't deal with what tore them apart in the first place. To answer your original question.....I'm guessing that these "two married lovers are crazy with delusional notions of romantic love...." Romantic love is by its very nature delusional - it's what happens before mature love sets in. I'm kinda doubting these two crazy married lovers will ever get there..... And yes, if you keep looking over the fence, the grass does often look greener on the other side... Edited March 7, 2011 by Chula
jnj express Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Get a divorce, and go for it---but in the meantime---make sure you tell the kids HONESTLY why you are wrecking their lives
2sunny Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 fool - is this your story or someone else's story - the way it's worded makes it appear you may not be referring to yourself... please clarify.
NoIDidn't Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Not judging at all. You should be exercising those differences on your SO though. Breaking up with your SO is ok when you fall out of love. Breaking up with your SO because you feel tempted to cheat is Ok as well in my opinion. Doing so before you cheat shows a bit of sympathy and empathy towards your SO and doesn't just make you look like a selfish person. But it's too late for that now, right? It sounds like it, more than I'll ever know actually. And if you realize that you should be able to realize that you are currently still making bad choices. A relationship built upon lies and deceit is not always the best of foundations. Who are you talking about? With the new person or the SO? I hope it isn't the new person you're talking about. Sounds like troubles on the horizon if you are. If you say so. I guess open and honest has it's limits.. either that or it's highly subjective these days. Very good post! I agree.
NoIDidn't Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Even if the two made it to the marriage or living together stage... One tough aspect: merging two families, which is one of the toughest things in the world to do. Believe me I know. It may look easy on the outside, but try to live it - many have failed just on that hurtle... You may end up hating each other. A quote from my old pal soon after he married the woman of his dreams: "She treats my kids like crap but want's me to accept hers as family." Add to that TWO vindictive ex's. Oh the drama! I'm friends with a divorced couple in just this situation. He left for his OW (she wasn't an old flame) and they now have a child. During the A the OW-now-W told him how much she'd do for his children (they didn't have a child then). After the D the OW-now-W harassed the mom by rubbing her presence around her children in her face. After they've had their own child, the OW-now-W furnishes her baby's nursery and makes his kids sleep in sleeping bags on the floor when they visit. No kidding and not exaggerating. The guy says he keeps his kids' visits short because of his new W and he already wants out. This is pretty extreme IMO, but so sad for the kids and the guy that hopped out of his M based on pretty lies. So sad for him because he loves all of his children, but feels like he's being forced to choose between them. I hope this is somewhat of a reality check for the OP. Its not pretty.
Spark1111 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 All of the above rings so true! Social psychologists say the greatest predictor of divorce is.....ready for this...having to raise a child not biologically your own! Successfully blending families in a second or third marriage is apparently one of the toughest jobs out there. And NO ONE, no spouse, will ever love YOUR CHILD like their biological parent....Sorry, that's the truth of it. So if you can manage respecting one another, and one another's children, and blending your families and divorcing your spouse's who will reel in pain and then anger over your affair, you have just about launched a grenade into everyone's lives. Good luck to you. You will need it. Plus counseling, lots, for everyone involved. Why does it always seem that the hormones unleashed in an affair, not only clouds one's vision towards their spouse and marriage, but also towards one's children? Every WS seems to sport this utopic fantasy of living the Brady Bunch future. It's a myth.
Silly_Girl Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 And NO ONE, no spouse, will ever love YOUR CHILD like their biological parent....Sorry, that's the truth of it. Is it 'the truth'? Because I have seen step-parents give kids way more than the bio-parent could ever be arsed to. And likewise seen step-parents behave like absolute monsters.
xxoo Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 OP, it sounds like a recipe for disaster to me. You have two people miserable in their current marriages, coming together to make a new relationship. Misery seems like the most likely result. It would be interesting, though, to see who gets blamed--since it seems like both are now blaming their spouses for their current marital problems. Is it 'the truth'? Because I have seen step-parents give kids way more than the bio-parent could ever be arsed to. And likewise seen step-parents behave like absolute monsters. I agree, SG.
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