lookingforadvic Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I'll start you off with a background on the situation: I started dating a girl with a bad start and it was my fault. She had been broken up with her ex of 3 years for about 4 months. I was still with my current gf of 3 years but we bickered all the time and went on multiple breaks because of it. I consider myself a genuine guy but many of my friends would ask me why I put up with it. I met the girl at a soccer game and talked to her online briefly about the game, and then about life, and we hit it off immediately. I knew my love for my gf was not strong because it took so little to avoid it, I think i was afraid of being alone with is completely unfair to her. Anyway, my friends and her friends would go to the same bar and we hungout a few nights there and my gf didn't talk to any of my friends so never came. We hungout at the homes of friends a few times afterwords and finally kissed. I told her I couldn't do it and stopped and had to break up with my girlfriend. I didn't tell anyone for her sake and went about it as nice as possible. We didn't hook up until a month later. **Side Note: I found out later that my ex was doing the same thing to me but was bragging about it later** We started dating in May and a month later she was being shady etc. She wanted to take a break and I caught messages to another guy in her phone(She didn't admit to cheating this time). I continued to hangon, we dated again and I went away to school 900 miles away and she talked to me everyday. Things went fine for another 8 months and she talked about me all the time to her friends. Then she got "depressed" again and backed away, same situation. Sex stopped, kissing stopped, she was hanging with her "friend again" for hours a time and not texting me. (She then told me she was hooked up with the guy multiple times over the past few weeks) Of course you ask, how is that not obvious? Well, she is the perfect girl for me but has a problem. The question is, should I forgive? I seemed to be taking it pretty well because I kind of knew it was happening but **Side note: I hated the guy before I started talking to her and she knew that** I didn't want to believe it. I need advice. I'm 23 and she is 25. People say cheaters never change but we are young and have alot to live for. That might be my answer to leave but can it be my answer to stay? Please help.
whiterose15 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Wow, I don't know if I can help. I myself would like to know the answer to that question. I would like to believe that when you are young, you make many mistakes big and small, so I say that we can change if we really want to. The question is --- How do we know the person has changed, learned the lesson, etc. --- repented? People have been known to change, but it's also true that some don't. Everyone, I believe, deserves a second chance, but they must first pay the consequences of bad behavior, otherwise, it will be repeated; the essence of the lesson (pain caused); the consequences need to be filtered, experienced, or felt. "Action without consequences are doomed to be repeated." In your case, ask your heart. Love is a funny thing. Only LOVE is capable of tolerating such things. Look deep inside yourself. Trust your instincts. Best Wishes...
sunsh1n3 Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Hi, i really do feel ur pain!! its not nice to be treated like that, u deserve better. U did the right thing by being the nice guy about things, it will come back on u!! but you gotta ask urself if you can forgive... and if so can you move on. Im 24 and found out my bf cheated on me for 10 months, so u can imagine how hard its been. I did forgive him and took him back but to be honest..... its been the hardest few months of my life. I still find it extremely hard to trust him and i honestly dnt know if i ever will. I do believe he is the guy for me and i love him but its tough. U gotta look after u at the end of the day!! if u think the girl is worth it then give it a try and fight for her! but please take my advice and know that if u do decide to work at it, then u must communicate about ur feelings all the time! that was my downfall!!!
Author lookingforadvic Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Thanks for the responses... and to the second poster I will. I have put significant authority in my tone when responding about it and will not let her toss me around because she does have some health issues which seem to affect it even more. I told her I missed the girl she was and I am just trying to get through to her because she isn't thinking or treating me fairly. I hope it goes well but I do go to school with her to save money so seeing her many times a week does not help.
Space Ritual Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Well, First I want to let you know that cheating in any form is not a "mistake" it is a conscious decision undertaken by an individual without regard to the feelings of the supposed partner they are supposed to be with. Be that as it may, I think you really have not much of a relationship currently. From what I can gather being you have cheated before, and also I think perhaps you may in the back of your mind expect a "tit for tat" scenario in your relationships. we cannot control the actions of others, but we can control how we react to others actions. Not trying to be harsh, but in my opinion, neither you , nor your current GF are mature enough or have the experience necessary to understand what a relationship is all about. You have no trust, communication, and coupled with long distance, I am afraid your current relationship is dead in the water. Please take this time to make a clean break, and learn to better yourself, so that you may become a more suitable partner to someone that is deserving of your affection in the future...this current GF is NOT the one, and the sooner you learn more about yourself, live some more life and gain some more experience, you'll see that you can do much better than having malignant romances Best of Luck...and stay single for awhile...You'll be glad you did!
Recommended Posts