irc333 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 It's amazing, I know this real life female friend of mine....she JUST put up a profile about 12 hrs ago.....within that time she just got over 20 emails (since she put up her photo) no joke. lol She just now took her picture down, and told me herself there was no WAY she was going to respond to them. So it seems that women are online, they might be throwing up their hands at the quantity alone, and bailing. lol
jerbear Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 There are lots of desperate guys out there. . Anyway, I see what you uveitis is talking about, one of my friends did something similar. I did a jest move of sending her a wink for fun. she mentioned she got over 50 winks and 20 emails that day. She ignored the winks without emails.
betsssssy Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I hear a lot of different stories about this. Some girls get more email than they can read, some girls get very little. I get a lot of email, but the truth is that emails are very easy to screen, and there's no reason that 20 emails per day should take you more than 15 minutes to review. Most of them won't be people that you're interested in. I hate to hear girls complaining about the volume of email they receive, because I know there are tons of men and women who would be thrilled to get that email. I say suck it up, ladies.
oaks Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 That rate of emails probably explains why some women's profiles include a long list of "don't contact me if..." (which often comes across as really negative, but that's a topic for a separate thread)
daphne Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 The first month was the worst for me. I received so much mail, I had to hide my profile to try to keep up. That was when I was naive to think that I'd be able to respond to everyone. That never, ever happened. I was overwhelmed and almost bailed in the 2nd month. but I just kept hiding it when I got busy. What's interesting is that less than 5% of these guys actually have anything real in common with me so it's all based on superficial things.
Cee Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 That's why I bailed from Plenty Of Fish. I got 15-20 emails a day and so many of them were, "Hi there" messages. OK Cupid was better especially because I was older and there were less men looking at my age demographic. But even then the messaging got a bit too much.
SunshineD Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Quite true. I get a lot of email, and most of them are non-candidates. Too young. Too old. Too far away. Too short. Don't share same beliefs. I honestly stay in "delete" mode, and probably don't look carefully enough at each guy. It's highly likely that I've passed over some decent guys. I have put a bunch of "Don't contact ifs..." and placed every filter available for some people not to even see me. And this on paid sites. I was quite sick of paying to delete, but I met my current BF on a site. So, go figure.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Well, I think people join dating sites to meet people, in particular people that they would have an interest in dating. If you are really interested in meeting people then you should be able to sift through 20 emails fairly easily (assuming of course that these emails aren't the same length as "War and Peace"). If someone has a hard time doing this then dating sites just aren't for them and they should stick to trying to meet people in other ways.
SarcasticBlonde Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 It's amazing, I know this real life female friend of mine....she JUST put up a profile about 12 hrs ago.....within that time she just got over 20 emails (since she put up her photo) no joke. lol She just now took her picture down, and told me herself there was no WAY she was going to respond to them. So it seems that women are online, they might be throwing up their hands at the quantity alone, and bailing. lol When I first signed up for online dating..the first day I believe had like 85 responses..out of all under 10 were promising.
SarcasticBlonde Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 That rate of emails probably explains why some women's profiles include a long list of "don't contact me if..." (which often comes across as really negative, but that's a topic for a separate thread) My profile was exacyly one of those with a "don't contact if" list. I think its a great idea. It weeds out the losers, jerks, womanizers, bums,players,etc. And because of that list I met quality people. I have high standards and I'm not afraid to say it. I met my boyfriend on pof and he is everything I ever wanted.
SarcasticBlonde Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 That rate of emails probably explains why some women's profiles include a long list of "don't contact me if..." (which often comes across as really negative, but that's a topic for a separate thread) My profile was exactly one of those with a "don't contact if" list. I think its a great idea. It weeds out the losers, jerks, womanizers, bums,players,etc. And because of that list I met quality people. I have high standards and I'm not afraid to say it. I met my boyfriend on pof and he is everything I ever wanted.
Author irc333 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 My profile was exactly one of those with a "don't contact if" list. I think its a great idea. It weeds out the losers, jerks, womanizers, bums,players,etc. And because of that list I met quality people. I have high standards and I'm not afraid to say it. I met my boyfriend on pof and he is everything I ever wanted. Interesting, no offense, but I am getting sick of those "Do not email me if you're a player, looser, jerk, had jail time, etc, etc" Interestingly enough, I go, "Awesome, I'm none of THOSE guys" Then I email her, and she doesn't respond. Go figure, eh? (Sorry, this is getting on the edge of a nice guy thread, lol)
Author irc333 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I just got done corresponding back and forth a few times with this woman, she said, "These emails are just too much, I can't answer them" Just now, she just deleted her profile! LOL She didn't last long either. I find it odd, though, she lives in such a remote area devoid of any singles, figured she'd be willing to stick it out longer if that was the case.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 My profile was exactly one of those with a "don't contact if" list. I think its a great idea. It weeds out the losers, jerks, womanizers, bums,players,etc. And because of that list I met quality people. I have high standards and I'm not afraid to say it. I met my boyfriend on pof and he is everything I ever wanted. Sure, you may THINK it weeds people out, but it probably ends up weeding out the guys you DO want to meet. No one will read your list and go "oh, I'm a player, I better not email her, she said she doesn't like those guys". The true dbags you seek to avoid will probably still emails. On the other edge of the sword, all the decent dudes are probably reading your do not contact list and thinking to themselves: "man, this profile just screams crazy bitch, I'm not going to bother emailing her." I see online dating as just a way to create opportunity for yourself to meet people, but you have found away to limit it. I just got done corresponding back and forth a few times with this woman, she said, "These emails are just too much, I can't answer them" Just now, she just deleted her profile! LOL She didn't last long either. I find it odd, though, she lives in such a remote area devoid of any singles, figured she'd be willing to stick it out longer if that was the case. Well, unfortunately scientific evidence has shown that remote living conditions have little to no effect on one's desire to date and get married, so the assumption that a girl lives in a remote area would be more open to sticking out online dating longer than an a person in a high density population is just plain innacurate and silly.
oaks Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 On the other edge of the sword, all the decent dudes are probably reading your do not contact list and thinking to themselves: "man, this profile just screams crazy bitch, I'm not going to bother emailing her." I'll put my hand up to this. Especially if the list of reasons why people shouldn't contact her are longer than the 'about me' section of her profile (which seems to be very common on PoF).
Author irc333 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Well, unfortunately scientific evidence has shown that remote living conditions have little to no effect on one's desire to date and get married Really? Scientific evidence actually says this? I have to beg to differ, typically the more remote people are, I find that do tend to marry early and marry young. A small HS in a BFE town, people are more prone to marrying their Highschool sweethearts right out of highschool. By their mid 20's they've had 2 kids already. Small towns=less activity, and then nothing else to do but get married by at least legal drinking age (so they can at least have alcohol at the wedding reception), and start a family. Remote areas tend to confine tightly knit communities together, thus the proximity and people laying claim to their future fiance's in their senior year in Highschool. Of course, in this woman's case, she is in her 40's, so it may be different because she's recently divorced....so probably not as the way she was in her young adult years. But, at the beginning of a person's life, in a remote area, people tend to marry very young. I knew a few couples that had a wedding date set just a few months after HS graduation. Of course, this might get into an entirely different topic.
Star Gazer Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 When I first put up my people on POF, I received 118 emails over a weekend. I put it up on Friday afternoon. That was the count by Sunday night. It dramatically tapered off after that. I think some guys just seek out fresh meat.
elaina Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 The first month was the worst for me. I received so much mail, I had to hide my profile to try to keep up. That was when I was naive to think that I'd be able to respond to everyone. That never, ever happened. I was overwhelmed and almost bailed in the 2nd month. but I just kept hiding it when I got busy. What's interesting is that less than 5% of these guys actually have anything real in common with me so it's all based on superficial things. Yeah no don't respond to people you're not interested in... it's not nice but it's so much better than getting cussed at and insulted! I learned that really quickly when I was on a dating site, cause people who are being rejected don't appreciate the rejection and several respond with hostility. After learning that lesson, I only responded to one guy who I didn't see the future with, and that was because of differences in beliefs, and he himself stated that when he messaged me. He was really cool about it though and very intelligent and confident. It's awesome to "meet" awesome people who are ok with not being right for each other but who still treat others with respect in spite of their differences! I was really impressed!
GivenUp0083 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Really? Scientific evidence actually says this? I have to beg to differ, typically the more remote people are, I find that do tend to marry early and marry young. A small HS in a BFE town, people are more prone to marrying their Highschool sweethearts right out of highschool. By their mid 20's they've had 2 kids already. Small towns=less activity, and then nothing else to do but get married by at least legal drinking age (so they can at least have alcohol at the wedding reception), and start a family. Remote areas tend to confine tightly knit communities together, thus the proximity and people laying claim to their future fiance's in their senior year in Highschool. Of course, in this woman's case, she is in her 40's, so it may be different because she's recently divorced....so probably not as the way she was in her young adult years. But, at the beginning of a person's life, in a remote area, people tend to marry very young. I knew a few couples that had a wedding date set just a few months after HS graduation. Of course, this might get into an entirely different topic. Just because the trend is to marry young, doesn't include the people who don't feel a strong desire to get married. All you're saying is IF people get married then they tend to do it at a young age in remote areas, I agree with this. But just because someone lives in a remote area doesn't mean they all feel a need to get married, and lowering their standards just to do so isn't something everyone is willing to do. Just because you're having a hard time finding someone and have become desperate, doesn't mean other women are. Not every woman looks in the mirror and says to herself "well, I better get married soon since I'm getting older, and since I live in a small town I'm just going to have to settle for someone that I'm just not that interested in or even that attracted to." Even if a woman was clearly lowering her standards to be with you, would you really want to be with them anyway? It's like you WANT these women to lower their standards because it's the only chance you think you have with them.
SarcasticBlonde Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I'll put my hand up to this. Especially if the list of reasons why people shouldn't contact her are longer than the 'about me' section of her profile (which seems to be very common on PoF). It worked out great for me! After I was very specific about what I was looking for and not looking for, I stopped receiving a lot of messages from those only looking for sex or casual dating, etc. The creep factor was cut in half! I also received a lot of compliments from men saying it was refreshing to see a woman that knew what she wanted. If I had not been so specific my current boyfriend wouldn't have contacted me. He's wonderful and I feel blessed to have met him. I would tell anyone- male or female to be choosy and make no apologies for it! I spent all of my twenties going out with losers and jerks. Never again.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 It worked out great for me! After I was very specific about what I was looking for and not looking for, I stopped receiving a lot of messages from those only looking for sex or casual dating, etc. The creep factor was cut in half! I also received a lot of compliments from men saying it was refreshing to see a woman that knew what she wanted. If I had not been so specific my current boyfriend wouldn't have contacted me. He's wonderful and I feel blessed to have met him. I would tell anyone- male or female to be choosy and make no apologies for it! I spent all of my twenties going out with losers and jerks. Never again. If it worked for you and you're truly happy with your guy then I'm glad for you. I personally believe in positivity early on, and making a list of "do nots" just isn't something I felt was very positive or constructive. It was always a turn off for me and I would never email a girl with those lists. It also worked out for me as I found a very positive profile in my current GF and things are great. I guess it's all comes down to what each person is looking for.
snug.bunny Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 It's amazing, I know this real life female friend of mine....she JUST put up a profile about 12 hrs ago.....within that time she just got over 20 emails (since she put up her photo) no joke. lol She just now took her picture down, and told me herself there was no WAY she was going to respond to them. So it seems that women are online, they might be throwing up their hands at the quantity alone, and bailing. lol The only thing this tells me, is that most men are horny. No surprise there.
SarcasticBlonde Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Sometimes I would get nasty emails from men calling me names because mt dating profile was so specific. But that was great cause it showed the true character of those men and my profile struck a nerve. I was on there looking for a good fit for me. Not trying to please anyone else.
Author irc333 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Well, if you Google or read Laura Gottliebs "When is it okay to settle for Mr Good Enough. She explains the fine line between settling or being realistic. http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/03/marry-him/6651/ Quite a few articles out about how women these days are just plain silly in what they're looking for in a man. That they're way to focused on what is NOT important to them , as opposed to focusing on what should be important when seeking a mate. Just because the trend is to marry young, doesn't include the people who don't feel a strong desire to get married. All you're saying is IF people get married then they tend to do it at a young age in remote areas, I agree with this. But just because someone lives in a remote area doesn't mean they all feel a need to get married, and lowering their standards just to do so isn't something everyone is willing to do. Just because you're having a hard time finding someone and have become desperate, doesn't mean other women are. Not every woman looks in the mirror and says to herself "well, I better get married soon since I'm getting older, and since I live in a small town I'm just going to have to settle for someone that I'm just not that interested in or even that attracted to." Even if a woman was clearly lowering her standards to be with you, would you really want to be with them anyway? It's like you WANT these women to lower their standards because it's the only chance you think you have with them.
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