proactivedreamer Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 So, for those of you that don't know my story, I was in an LDR for 18 months, I went to see him twice in two separate countries. He was very demanding of me when I went to see him in his home country(won't go into all the details-if you want to know short back story read my other posts), and things didn't go the way we wanted because of those demands and expectations. I returned home, he broke up with me 3 times between December and February, February being the last time. We have been in limited contact-very limited, up until yesterday. We spoke for about a total of 5 hours yesterday, and I realized that he wasn't going to consider trying for the relationship again. He kept saying how beautiful I was, we flirted, joked, laughed, spoke of separate futures, and it was nice. He was proud that I recently became certified in fitness, and that I was doing what I need to do for myself. Anyways, I thought so much about all of this and I realized that I just am not the girl that he is willing to fight for, and wants to be with. I am sure we all know people in our lives who have had strenuous relationships, and the people in them stick it out, they make it happen because they truly love each other and believe in the relationship. I realized-I guess I am now at stage 5 of the grieving period(acceptance), that I am not the one he wants to be with, no matter how beautiful, adventurous, sweet, loyal, funny, and many more things that I may be, I am just not the one. It is weird to come to this realization. I thought about the people in his life that are in relationships that possess similar characteristics of our relationship, some have gotten married, and have had children together, this all just made me think that I am not it. I think "true love" stays and makes it happen, he loved me but I don't think he was in love with me enough to continue. Even after such a long and friendly conversation, I still woke up this morning at 5am, with anxiety. I guess a part of me still can't believe that this is it, and there is no going back. I guess I just want to say to everyone. Don't give up hope, believe in yourself, and everything else will follow...if anyone wants to add their thoughts feel free.
depplover_1980 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I would say that you have reached a natural and sane conclusion - it also takes strength to admit it to yourself. I was involved with a guy with commitment issues and like you, I realised I am simply not the right woman for him or at least this is how it works in the movies. What I mean by that is we are brainwashed to some degree into believing that if the right man and woman meet, then it all falls into place but in reality it doesn't always work that way. There are many couples that have split numerous times and got back together in the end, but there does come a time when it can no longer be motivated by only one person. Therefore may I suggest you NO LONGER engage in such phone calls and move completely out of contact, continuing forward with your life. If you hear from him the the future, then only then could it be given another shot IF you both wanted it. But I would presume that won't happen right now...
jamrah Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Hija I totally understand what your talking about. I think I reached stage 5 very recently after (plz don't laff!!) 10 months. I went out with with her for 6 years. She left me for an older guy. I got on with my life as best I could and hoped it would somehow sort itself out and after a while we could reconcile and move on. We'll it turns out it doesn't work this way. She's happy with no-strings attached stuff with this guy and although she says she "loves" me, she really loves this other guy. I've got a big interview soon and she text me to say good luck. It was kind of at that moment where I knew I had to strike out on my own, that although she cares for me, she's not coming back. Its as you know, a strange sensation. Sadness, fear, some excitement, a lot of unknowns. We as a couple would lean on each other at times like these but now I know I can't lean on her no more. This is where you find, I think, a tangible sense of your inner strength. You want to phone but stop yourself. It is her who has become stagnant in this process. My heart was shredded. But although it hurts in many ways its their loss. Reading what you wrote made me write this because their selfishness will lead to their own heartache, of which I think they are somewhat oblivious at present. Be as strong as you can. Sure your going to miss them and they will always be special, but hell, lifes too short. Peace and luv
Country_Girl Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Proactive, I felt the same way in my relationship, and told him the same thing, "I can't carry the weight of this relationship for the both of us". One thing to consider though, is, "at the time" dumpers really seem to see no way out. They are stressed, breaking up seems to free them. But they will feel the pain of it eventually. That's not wishful thinking (assuming they don't jump into a rebound situation where they get to mask the old relationship)- my ex has been pretty honest with me these last few weeks and believe me, they start to feel it like we do in the beginning. But yeah, I feel the same, it's just too much for one person to carry. There has to be active participation on the other end. I feel if you truly love someone, then love holds no bounds. Acceptance is a good place to be I will say. It's a nice feeling when every move you make, or lack thereof, isn't dictated by a potential reconciliation. I still think hope is a good thing, after all, it fuels our passions in life, we just can't live our life based on that hope.
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