germanfastmaus Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 to take a woman on a date, one time only? say for instance, i go on a dating website, set up a date with a female, we go out one time, and then i look for another date to go on with, and repeat this process. no sex, no telling them i'll call you, for that matter, no answering if they call or text. I was told that this would put me in a bad situation if i did it too much because i might run into them again. i have been single now for a little over 4 years now and i refuse to get into another serious relationship because frankly, women arent worth what i would have to do to keep one.
LondonS Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 you have far too much time on your hands and I think you need some therapy intead of dates to help you out of your underlying issues.
yellowhibiscus Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 why bother? Why not just spend time with friends?
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 yellow, i like your idea much better.
fishtaco Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 women arent worth what i would have to do to keep one. Most women aren't worth what you would have to do to keep them. But some are. Dating is time consuming, and it costs money and other resources. Do it only if you have a goal. Be it sex, fun, being social, LTR, or even just practicing your dating skills. But if you're doing it just to do it, then do something else that's more worth while.
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 fishtaco, you are wise beyond your years i would say. most ppl give me a hard time for saying what i said, but there are many things i'd rather do then go on a date. if women werent so darn picky, then dating might be worth it.
elaina Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 because frankly, women arent worth what i would have to do to keep one. Why are you dating? Leave women alone!!! Yes it is bad... how would you feel if some woman said men aren't worth...? That's horrible! Both men and women are worth relationships and care and respect and love!!!
fishtaco Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 fishtaco, you are wise beyond your years i would say. most ppl give me a hard time for saying what i said, but there are many things i'd rather do then go on a date. if women werent so darn picky, then dating might be worth it. Only one caveat you have to be aware of. Dating is a skill. Like basketball, or playing the piano. You can't just jump in and do it with any sort of satisfactory results, unless you were born a genius. If you're not dating now, your dating skill will stay stagnant. If you never change your mind, and spend the rest of your life not dating. Good for you, you'll probably accomplish many other impressive goals in your life. But if 20 years from now, you decide to date, you will be lagging behind severely, and you'll have to learn every lesson that the average guy has learned in that 20 years, before you can bring your dating skill up to the expected level. So choose whatever you want, but choose carefully. Having to jump into the scene when your peers have years of experience over you will make it a pretty harsh environment. You'll end up having to learn some really quick and hard lessons. It will be a rough learning curve.
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 you say dating is a skill and to be honest, that doesnt make any sense. are you basically saying that in order to be successful at dating, you have to be someone different? if i cant go out on a date and just be myself, then dont worry ladies, i wont ever date again. what skill are you talking about specifically fish when it comes to dating?
fishtaco Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 you say dating is a skill and to be honest, that doesnt make any sense. are you basically saying that in order to be successful at dating, you have to be someone different? if i cant go out on a date and just be myself, then dont worry ladies, i wont ever date again. what skill are you talking about specifically fish when it comes to dating? Social skills. The ability to be entertaining. The ability to make people feel comfortable around you. The ability to recognize situations as they develop, and have an answer for them. The ability to spot bad people ASAP and bail out, so you won't end up getting used. The ability to control your feelings so you won't over invest too soon. Say you have to chat up some girl. If you walk in nervous because you never do this, you'll be performing at 50% of your charm. But if you've done this 100 times already, then it's just another day. It's better to be lucky than good. If she happens to think you're adorable, you can be a drooling fool and she'll think it's cute. But, when luck isn't on your side, then it's up to your performance to carry the show. So it's not really be someone else, it's being an improved version of yourself. You have to take your strengths, and crank it into overdrive. Why do you have to do this? Because of guys like me. Even if you are a better person than I am, but I "appear" to be better than you, since you're running at 50% and I'm running at 150%, I win. To have a successful product, you need more than just a good product. You also need sales and marketing. Dating isn't free. One can't just sit around and suddenly is entitled to have a dream relationship fall in their laps. It takes work. It takes self improvement, it takes learning the etiquette and the language, and after you get into a relationship, it takes work and compromise to keep it going.
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 I guess I'd ask what your ultimate intention is... If you have no intention of ever connecting with anyone, it sounds like you are undertaking an expensive, fruitless endeavour, and I'm not sure what the ultimate benefit to you would be.
johan Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Exactly. What's the point? Most people don't make a point of scheduling time to go pretend to have a good time with people they detest. Save your money and your time and stay home. Simple solution. Nothing to complain about. I'm getting more and more curious about those psychological tests they give people who want to carry guns around.
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 this is absolutely fascinating. i appreciate you taking the time to respond to my questions. i would like to think i'm witty, i dont know about entertaining...i guess as long as its something i know something about then i guess i could be. the ability to spot bad ppl..for me, that would consist of first glance and about 20 mins later after talking to them and i think i would have them sorted out. now the nervousness part...in my younger days when i did date.. that was always there. it never went away mostly because i always felt like i had to put on this show because frankly, i always thought thats what they wanted. the part that i think for me that is the most demanding, is i know my weaknesses, and i've never been good at dealing with them. do they show when i'm dating? some yes, some no. i think its an image thing though really...my last serious relationship lasted for 5 years, and even after 5 years, i still worried about what my weaknesses were. i think they have gotten worse as i have gotten older, or it could be that i pay more attention to them now. either way, again fish, thanks for your replies. i find them very insightful, almost a reassurance that our instincts are usually quite right about ourselves. Social skills. The ability to be entertaining. The ability to make people feel comfortable around you. The ability to recognize situations as they develop, and have an answer for them. The ability to spot bad people ASAP and bail out, so you won't end up getting used. The ability to control your feelings so you won't over invest too soon. Say you have to chat up some girl. If you walk in nervous because you never do this, you'll be performing at 50% of your charm. But if you've done this 100 times already, then it's just another day. It's better to be lucky than good. If she happens to think you're adorable, you can be a drooling fool and she'll think it's cute. But, when luck isn't on your side, then it's up to your performance to carry the show. So it's not really be someone else, it's being an improved version of yourself. You have to take your strengths, and crank it into overdrive. Why do you have to do this? Because of guys like me. Even if you are a better person than I am, but I "appear" to be better than you, since you're running at 50% and I'm running at 150%, I win. To have a successful product, you need more than just a good product. You also need sales and marketing. Dating isn't free. One can't just sit around and suddenly is entitled to have a dream relationship fall in their laps. It takes work. It takes self improvement, it takes learning the etiquette and the language, and after you get into a relationship, it takes work and compromise to keep it going.
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I guess I'd ask what your ultimate intention is... If you have no intention of ever connecting with anyone, it sounds like you are undertaking an expensive, fruitless endeavour, and I'm not sure what the ultimate benefit to you would be. i find what fish has to say to be something that i would imagine everyone can use. at this point, the question for me personally is, why have i changed my viewpoint on dating at my age? why did i use to not mind it, but now, dread it? i guess i'm trying to relearn this part of myself. i havent dated since 2001.
johan Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 at this point, the question for me personally is, why have i changed my viewpoint on dating at my age? why did i use to not mind it, but now, dread it? This I can relate to. I have no answers though.
D-Lish Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 i find what fish has to say to be something that i would imagine everyone can use. at this point, the question for me personally is, why have i changed my viewpoint on dating at my age? why did i use to not mind it, but now, dread it? i guess i'm trying to relearn this part of myself. i havent dated since 2001. Okay, so is it safe to assume that the last time you gave your energy to someone that it didn't work out? That's 10 years ago since you had a relationship. Are you secretly hoping that someone might come along that changes your mind about dating, or are you really invested in dating just to pass some time- to fill a void, and you really have zero intention of becoming invested? I pissed into the wind for almost 10 years after my divorce- I often dated just to keep up appearances. Very few people aroused any interest in me- and the ones that did, I kept them at arms length. One day, to my surprise, someone affected me enough to let down my defences. I fought it a bit- but it became apparant he was much too worth it to fight it. I guess my question to you is- are you really wanting what you say you want- a ton of first dates that mean nothing- or are you jaded like I once was, and are secretly hoping there is someone out there that will pop in front of your face and be worthy of a second date?
fishtaco Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 i find what fish has to say to be something that i would imagine everyone can use. at this point, the question for me personally is, why have i changed my viewpoint on dating at my age? why did i use to not mind it, but now, dread it? i guess i'm trying to relearn this part of myself. i havent dated since 2001. I don't know. 10 years is a long time to not date. For me, I get sick of it after awhile. Then I'll stop. But in terms of months, not years. Then my batteries will be recharged, and I'll go at it again. In order to put on a good show, you need to have elevated energy level. It's not easy keeping that up. And what you get in return is often... disappointing. So I do run out of steam sometimes and I just retreat. For me, I keep going because I have hope. I have hope that someone out there, will make my LTR life better than my single life. But I also expect to have to work for it, and I'm fine with the trade. So if you don't expect that to happen, then there's really no reason to date. I've known men that have given up completely. I don't know them well, so I didn't pick their brains to why they quit.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 you say dating is a skill and to be honest, that doesnt make any sense. are you basically saying that in order to be successful at dating, you have to be someone different? if i cant go out on a date and just be myself, then dont worry ladies, i wont ever date again. what skill are you talking about specifically fish when it comes to dating? It's more about learning what parts of you to present at first and when etc. Then learning how to see if someone is genuine.
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 Okay, so is it safe to assume that the last time you gave your energy to someone that it didn't work out? That's 10 years ago since you had a relationship. Are you secretly hoping that someone might come along that changes your mind about dating, or are you really invested in dating just to pass some time- to fill a void, and you really have zero intention of becoming invested? I pissed into the wind for almost 10 years after my divorce- I often dated just to keep up appearances. Very few people aroused any interest in me- and the ones that did, I kept them at arms length. One day, to my surprise, someone affected me enough to let down my defences. I fought it a bit- but it became apparant he was much too worth it to fight it. I guess my question to you is- are you really wanting what you say you want- a ton of first dates that mean nothing- or are you jaded like I once was, and are secretly hoping there is someone out there that will pop in front of your face and be worthy of a second date? actually i dated back in 2001, met someone, we had a relationship that lasted till 06. we still keep in touch today, i think she is a wonderful person. i think what has changed for me since that time, is the fact that when we broke up, it was mutual, yet i really didnt want to. as time went on however, i realized that it was for the best, for both of us. i also understand that i was the reason for the break up and actually i have always been fine with that. if we hadnt broken up, i can tell you right now that life would never have gotten better. i am doing things now that i have wanted to do for a long time and my ex never would have went along with it. at this point, i'm trying to focus on one thing, and thats make my life better. in the next year, i dont see my focus changing or me allowing anyone to derail me. the big question is, after the next year, which i know is a ways off, but then, once i get my life straightened out, will i feel any different? i can only tell you how i feel right now, and that is that i dont see me changing my views on dating. but a year is a good way off. so why bring this up now?? one thing that experience has showed me, is that when a man is single for a while, ppl tend to talk, or rather assume. i also believe that if there are to be changes in my views on dating, it will have to start soon, otherwise i'll be too set in my ways to change them.
Author germanfastmaus Posted March 8, 2011 Author Posted March 8, 2011 I pissed into the wind for almost 10 years after my divorce- I often dated just to keep up appearances. Very few people aroused any interest in me- and the ones that did, I kept them at arms length. waitaminute.. so you did exactly what i asked about, and yet ppl make me out to be the bad guy on here?? i asked about dating only to keep up appearances, yet some on here think i have too much time on my hands or that i shouldnt ever date.. ever again. odd
Joe Loves Kim Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 If you keep doing that way so change your style. Don't be so much worried of being a single for 4 years, right time will come. Don't be so much stress, spend your time with your friends and family.
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