Love_is_Pain Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Unfortunately I put myself in a Friends with Benefits situation that I didn't want to be in for a year and a half. I always stood in this position because I hoped for things to change. He was a big part in my life because I felt like I could trust him & he was such an amazing person...very nice guy Very affectionate,we talked every day,I never pushed the issue just held it in, he once accidently said "love you" and he got comfortable with me staying over...all these things were what led me to stay w/hope. Things were never what they seemed because I always thought he was feeling this "special connection" that I was feeling & he was just scared & would snap out of it any day...any day never came. Well I fell in love. I fell so hard for him. I loved him for who he was & genuinely cared about him. I was always struggling holding in these love feelings for him. When you love someone you want to express it & I never did. I JUST ended things 2 weeks ago because I couldn't handle it. Enough was enough, and I needed to move on. It took a lot of strength to finally let go & I'm hurting. I know I'll get past this but I've always wanted him to know I was in LOVE and he let love pass him by. To express or not too? Right now the only way to move on is cut him off cold turkey...which I did but would it be wise to let him know??? -Thanks
spackle Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 so what did you do, tell him it was over with no explanation or just cut contact?
Titania22 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 If I was planning to cut someone out of my life, i would be honest about how i felt. Seriously what do you have to lose, by letting him know.
crazylove Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I'm really sorry you feeling like this. Did you just disappear or did you tell him you were not able to do the 'friends with benefits' thing anymore? If you didn't tell him, then maybe you should. You don't have anything to lose. But be prepared for if he says he doesn't feel the same way. If that happens you need to go NC for good. But, if he says yes, then well, it would be a good thing that you said something to him. Good luck!
pineapples Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Unfortunately I put myself in a Friends with Benefits situation that I didn't want to be in for a year and a half. I always stood in this position because I hoped for things to change. He was a big part in my life because I felt like I could trust him & he was such an amazing person...very nice guy Very affectionate,we talked every day,I never pushed the issue just held it in, he once accidently said "love you" and he got comfortable with me staying over...all these things were what led me to stay w/hope. Things were never what they seemed because I always thought he was feeling this "special connection" that I was feeling & he was just scared & would snap out of it any day...any day never came. Well I fell in love. I fell so hard for him. I loved him for who he was & genuinely cared about him. I was always struggling holding in these love feelings for him. When you love someone you want to express it & I never did. I JUST ended things 2 weeks ago because I couldn't handle it. Enough was enough, and I needed to move on. It took a lot of strength to finally let go & I'm hurting. I know I'll get past this but I've always wanted him to know I was in LOVE and he let love pass him by. To express or not too? Right now the only way to move on is cut him off cold turkey...which I did but would it be wise to let him know??? -Thanks Please tell us how did you end it!? I am in a similar situation. Very similar! I am hurting so bad, I don't know what to do. I can't decide if my man has feelings for me, or is just playing with me. I have been thinking about just going cold turkey, but I know it wouldn't be fair. Perhaps I should tell him, but I think that would be too painful.
spackle Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 if it helps I think some of them do..but not necessarily to the degree we want.
Author Love_is_Pain Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 This has kind of been a delayed letting go process. I tried letting go back in November, where I told him vaguely " look, I have very strong feelings towards you and the only way I can move on is if I have you out of my life" That is pretty much what was said. His response was that he cared for me & wanted me to be happy and he respected any decision I had to make. He said he will always be there for me and that he would miss me but he let me walk away. Well 10 days later with No Contact I was dying and messaged him. We briefly touched the no contact by him telling me he asked his sister for advice & that he wanted to see me again. Well I saw him & things went right back like noting happened maybe even a little bit better. At one point he accidently said Love You, which I brushed off & I felt (which I was wrong) that our connection was getting stronger since leaving. I felt he was scared to lose me again. Then 3 months later with the same contact,maybe a little more, Valentines rolls around & he still mentions to me jokingly that he didn't want women bc they're drama. That he's content. So I realized what I had to do. I ignored his texts, until he asked me if he should stop texting & my response was that I needed distance to move on. His response was that he understood & that he wanted to help me out so he deleted me off FB bc he knew it would be easier for me to move on that way & that when I felt better I knew how to contact him. I never replied back to that & left it for what it was. I know I told him I had strong feelings towards him back in november & I'm sure if he realizes my feelings since this has been hard for me to do but I have never came out and said - Look, I'm in love with you. Not sure how wise that would be to say.
spackle Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 what a pickle. I mean it sounds like he has some feeling for you but some guys are a bit dumb (sorry guys) and will take you at your word. You tell them to get lost and they do. I had it with my fwb, I lost my temper told him to never contact me again. When I broke NC 2/3 months later suggesting we meet/talk one of the first things he said was I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. So we confuse them as much as they confuse us. I touched on this with a guy friend at the weekend, he agreed with me that most guys conflict avoid so if a woman starts getting all emotional or shouty they shut down, back off and hope to god she calms down. Women on the other hand take that silence as men not caring and not fighting for something they care about (us) and that winds us up even more. Maybe he is doing what you want and have told him to do but it's not what he wants? Have you said you had to back off because you felt you wanted more than fwb and you didn't think he did?
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