lulu2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Hi Everyone! Just found this forum tonight, im glad I did. I have been reading the most recent posts and see that there are a lot of people out there just like me seeking advice. My husband told me he wanted a divoce after 6 years. He says he loves me, but does not love me the way I want him to anymore, meaning hes not in love with me anymore, affectionate love. He is kind to me, not mean, helps me whenever I need, but is emotionally disconnected. He says he have differences that can never be resolved and that he is tired of the compromise that he has had to endure his entire adult life (since his first marriage at 19 till now at age 31). He wants to be friends. We have a child together (lives with me), he has 2 from his previous marriage that he has 100% custody of. He has been living at his mom's for the past 2 months since he left. I decided to move out of the house and get my own apartment down the street. This just happened this past week. He is moving back in to our home tomorrow. I have gone through the emotional rollercoaster of grief. I feel betrayed big time! I dont know how he can let go of our marriage so easily. He agreed to not file for divorce right away after everyone including his family told him to slow down and take a "pause" and not make any divorce decisions right away. He still states that he wants a divorce but he has not filed. He agrees to see a therapist. We both go to her once a week, but seperate, not together. He says he does not have the want to work on our marriage. 2 nights ago I told him I was done crying, done begging, done trying to convince him that we can make it work. He says he needs time to get settled back into the house, get a routine again, get some normalcy to see how he feels. But in the same break he states he does not want to try to fix our marriage. How do I do this? How do I give him the space he is asking for? How do I emotionally disconnect like him? He is a good man, no cheating, no abuse, nothing like that....I just feel like we go overwhelmed with life and our marriage suffered because of it. Any words of advice? I miss him terribly and every time I see him or talk to him I miss him more. Thanks for reading! Lulu2011
willowthewisp Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 There's more to this which he is not telling you. How long was he divorced from wife number one before you two got together and why did his first marriage end in divorce? Also, the reason for the first divorce, his explanation or verified from his ex wife?
Author lulu2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 He was divorced for about 2 years when we met. He married his ex because she got pregnate after they barely started dating at the age of 19. He tried to make the best of it and marry her. She was a terrible mother (still is as she hasnt seen her kids in over 3 years). He did everything around the house and with the kids. He basically says he never was in love with her, but thought he was stuck since she got pregnate and he tried to force a family to be created. And one more thing, his first son is not biologically his. She tricked him, and lied that the kid was his, he didnt find out till right when the baby was born. But he stayed with her because he was embarrassed and prideful. So these are the reasons why he divorced his first wife. There is obviously more to the story, but this is the basics.
BB07 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I'm sorry you are hurting Lulu, I'm sure someone will be along soon and give you some good advice. In the mean time please google the 180 plan.
Mataria Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I'm sorry for what you are going through. I seem to be in the same boat. Divorce is a hard perrmanent thing, but lately I also realize that waiting out the possibilities is worse. Especially since he says he doesn't want to work on the marriage. I am barely trying to get over the shock of my husband leaving just two days ago. I hope you find some sort of comfort in knowing that you have a blessing in your child from the marriage and can continue to be strong willed.
WSeeker Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 @lulu2011 Just stay calm and cool. I have seen this happen countless of times. You need to stop calling him, talking to him, spending time with him. (This works especially with men). Let him be completely. At some point, you can ask for a divorce yourself. Dont try to argue about saving your marriage. This may sound contradictory but youre only testing his resolve to leave you. If u divorce him and he doesnt care, then it is completely over and you dont need to look back. (because HE IS THE ONE WHO IS LEAVING NOT YOU, that also means he has to come back). Patience is the greatest virtue that women posses. If you completely let him be and be patient he will be back. And again i have seen this so many times i cant even count. PS. It is sad but it was and it will always be a chase between man and woman.
Recommended Posts