Cassandra92 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Just wanted an outsider's opinion: Long story short, have been NC with my ex-boyfriend for a week now after he sent me an insulting, confusing, contradictory and hypocritical email basically saying that our supposed relationship had failed and that we needed to take a 'serious break' from each other. He blamed me for a lot of things. I had to move to another city to go to the right university for me, and he could not handle it. We had a nice goodbye and I left thinking that I had a good friend in him and that we could have a chance in the future, and then soon after I got the email. I haven't replied, it made me feel such an overwhelming mixture of outraged, regretful and sad that I didn't want to do the wrong thing and possibly send back something that would make me feel even worse in the long term. He also kicked me in the guts by saying 'I won't be topping up my phone and please don't call my house.' But I have drafted a text message that I think I would like to send him. If he claims he isn't topping up his phone I don't expect a reply, and it's probably better if he doesn't retaliate. Here it is: 'I absolutely hate the way things have gone. You made up your mind to take it this hard months ago, there is nothing I could do. We had the nicest goodbye and now it's tarnished. That's all.' Thoughts on if I should send it? Dignified enough? Would something like that make you angry, or perhaps realise that you made a mistake? I realise I should probably be posting this in the thread where you post instead of contacting your ex, but I don't really see it as breaking NC as I don't expect or want a reply. I'm just feeling very hurt at the moment and I do not like the way I was blamed for everything that went wrong, when a big part of the responsibility lies with him. I should probably add that I do hold a little hope for seeing him again in the future, so I wouldn't want to say anything to create any really bad feeling. Thanks for reading and possibly offering your opinion.
screwball Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I would ask yourself why you are sending the message. Are you sending it for his benefit or your own? If you don't expect a reply, then what will you get out of sending it? He probably feels hurt that you left him, so he is lashing out. I had to move for work once and my gf at the time never stopped reminding me that I "left her"...like I moved to get away from her rather than having to move to keep getting paid. If you don't want to create a bad feeling, then try to think about it from his perspective. If you have to say anything, I would make it more apologetic and hopeful along the lines of: "I'm sorry that I had to move, but it's the best thing for me right now. I enjoyed our nice goodbye, please don't ruin it. Hopefully we'll be able to remain friends and see where life takes us after graduation."
Eddie Edirol Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Youre sending the message because you are hoping for a reply. Just be honest with yourself. You know you wont be satisfied if you send the message and get no reply. Youre hoping it will get him to think about coming back to you. Its not. If he wants to get back with you, he will say something.
Author Cassandra92 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I would ask yourself why you are sending the message. Are you sending it for his benefit or your own? If you don't expect a reply, then what will you get out of sending it? He probably feels hurt that you left him, so he is lashing out. I had to move for work once and my gf at the time never stopped reminding me that I "left her"...like I moved to get away from her rather than having to move to keep getting paid. If you don't want to create a bad feeling, then try to think about it from his perspective. If you have to say anything, I would make it more apologetic and hopeful along the lines of: "I'm sorry that I had to move, but it's the best thing for me right now. I enjoyed our nice goodbye, please don't ruin it. Hopefully we'll be able to remain friends and see where life takes us after graduation." I do think your idea of a message is better than mine haha, and is probably more what I want to say. It would be taking the high road too, as some of the things he said to me in the email were hurtful and untrue. As for hoping for a reply, I'm not sure that I am. I guess I just want to give him something to think about, and maybe to soften his hard resolve. Thanks for your thoughts
mickleb Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Your silence is the most dignified response you can offer to his poor treatment of you; anything else is just picking at the scab, I'm afraid. Let yourself heal by simply accepting that you deserve more. x
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