Hipnotica Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years. 2 weeks ago, I told him a big secret (I rather not say) that I have been keeping from him. It ruined our relationship big time. We wanted to go our separate ways but the both of us couldn't because we're too in love with each other. So we decided to stay together and try to move forward. By the way, we are in a long distance relationship. He's in the military in North Carolina. I was planning on moving there in the summer. Anyway... Each and everyday, I have this big guilt on my shoulders because of this stupid secret I kept from him. It kills me inside. I've been so insecure about myself that I haven't even been myself around him. He doesn't want me sexually like he did before that secret and it breaks my heart. I don't say anything about it because I feel like I shouldn't have a say in it. Just yesterday, I found out he was on a online dating site. I saw it and I just wanted to burst into tears. I decided to test him and made a fake account with fake pictures. I messaged him and he talked to me. I started asking him if he wanted to hang out Saturday night and maybe we could fool around and take it to another step. He was all for it. He even asked if he could bring his friends. I then decided to add more to it and asked him to come over now and he said he would. After that, he then asked me (he was on the phone while all this was happening but still had no clue it was me) "Des, do you wanna go to bed?" I nearly wanted to just break down and cry but I kept it inside and said, "No I don't." And he never said anything else. I went back to that fake account and gave him a fake address and told him that I would be waiting besides a 2002 red eclipse. He then messaged me back and said, "Ok I'll be pulling up in a black challenger :D" He doesn't own a black challenger. He owns a grand am. I always told him that I wanted to a black challenger. I know he has a feeling it was me behind that account because I use to have a silver 2002 eclipse and his car is red. So that's why he put a black challenger. After that, I never messaged him back nor did he message me back. But I check back and he's ALWAYS online on that site! He updated his profile with this: "Just your average 20 something year old guy. I have a career and it allows me to live pretty well =) Not necessarily looking for anything BUT IF I WAS. It would be for a woman. Im tired of messing with little girls. With that said if you're under at least 22 dont expect much from me. Not saying that everyone younger than that is immature but I've found that the likelyhood is far far greater." (I'm 23 and he's 26) I know for sure he has not cheated on me before but now that I told him this secret, I know he wants to. I know some of are you going to ask, ""Why are you even with this guy??" The answer to that is that I'm in love. This guy is my world. Before that secret, it was perfect. He was the perfect man in this world. We were even going to get married in 2011 and live together. I don't know why I'm posting this on here... I think it's because I just need to vent (and advice) and I can't tell my friends because they will think I'm crazy.
FryFish Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Was your secret that you ****ed one or more other guys while you were supposed to be an exclusive couple?
Author Hipnotica Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 No it wasn't. I've never cheated on him.
K.K. Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Hey I'm gonna read your post in a second but the first thing that I wanted to say is that well... ya know... I've decided to go about this message board thing keeping in mind that this time, I don't want to become some online version... personna.. whatev.. of myself. I am basically annonymous. I want to remain just a name on a screen because I think that will give me the most help. Lets face it... sometimes you just can't go to your friends or family for the kind of objective advice that we could all gain from being here. So with that in mind... I don't know you from adam. So tell me what the damned big secret was so I can understand a whole lot better. It's the missing piece of the puzzle. !!!!!!!!
Author Hipnotica Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I know but it's really embarrassing. Well here it goes.. Well, my boyfriend and I met through Myspace 4 years ago. At that time, I was 19 years old and I was... using someone else's photos. We started dating but I didn't think anything of it because I just figured it was an online fling until it got serious. I was wanting to tell him my secret for so long but I never had the guts to because I was afraid of what he would do and say. I kept this secret from him for 4 years. I know I was wrong for what I did and I know he has a right to be mad at me. I finally told him 2 weeks ago and I think it ruined our relationship. It's embarrassing to say but I need advice bad. After that secret, I wanted to break it off but he kept telling me, "No Des, don't. I can't live without you. I don't care about this anymore. I'm mad but I wanna be with you." so I decided to stay. I just don't understand why he wants to be with me yet he's talking to other girls online and wanting to get with them??
K.K. Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 ahhh that's not so embarrassing! Maybe more being caught in a sticky situation. WE've probably all thought about doing that ****. Have you ever met him in person though? I'm missing that part. "After that secret, I wanted to break it off but he kept telling me, "No Des, don't. I can't live without you. I don't care about this anymore. I'm mad but I wanna be with you." so I decided to stay." Well this part is good. ^ ^ cause if it's been mostly or mainly or only online... the way he feels for you is definitely NOT about your appearance. Did you show him yet what you really look like?
Author Hipnotica Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Yeah he now knows what I look like. I don't consider myself to be an atricous troll now lol He even said, "Desiree you're beautiful. If you would came clean the first time we met and used your real pictures, I would have loved you the same" I just have a low self-esteem since I was molested when I was young. A part of me thinks he just wants to be with me because he doesn't want to lose "his best friend". When I told him that secret, he wanted to break up with me. But I was just so in shock that I kept begging to stay and I would make everything alright. But then I realized I looked like a fool and I decided to tell him, "If we break up, I don't want to have any form of contact with you." And that's when he said he didn't want that. He wanted us to be friends because he was my best friend. So it makes me think that he's only with me because he doesn't want to lose his best friend. We haven't met because I was in school and he's in the military. Our relationship consist of us being on the freakin phone. It was all going to change this summer but now I'm re-thinking about it.
Rita86 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 You call that a big secret? Seriously that does not justify him joining a dating site. The fact that you think this is somewhat your fault is quite worrying.
heartshaped Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 You need to come clean and let him know that you know. Honestly though, that isn't some big secret and the fact that he reacted the way he did says a lot about how he really feels about you.
Woman In Blue Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Wait - you're 23 and he's 26 and you've NEVER EVEN MET in the 4 years you've been "dating?" Your boyfriend's a young man - I have a hard time believing he's been faithful for 4 long years to someone he's never even met. I think the dating site stuff you found was probably just one of many dating profiles he's had over the last 4 years. Realistically, most young men aren't willing to sacrifice sex and dating and partying for someone who lives across the country that they've never even met. It just isn't logical. He doesn't want me sexually like he did before that secret and it breaks my heart. How the hell does he know WHAT he wants? He's never met you. Hipnotica, do NOT move your entire life to North Carolina for a man you've never met. That would be foolish! Spend the summer with him, getting to know him face to face. I find it incredibly hard to believe that he's NEVER ONCE in 4 years taken a few hundred bucks and flown out to see you for a long weekend. That doesn't raise a red flag with you????
Eclypse Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Speaking from experience, that's a BIG deal. I was in a so called Internet relationship with a chick from WoW (yes everyone had a good laugh when I told them). I thought we had a good relationship but I got suspicious when she never wanted to go on cam. I was even planning on going to her. But then I saw on her mums fb what she really looked like and I saw that I had indeed been had. She tried to apologize and so on but I chose to ignore it. This is a fundamental thing you CAN'T lie about or the r/ship won't work. I felt so betrayed. It was amazing how well I'd been decieved. I felt broken. Your bf most likely feels the same way I did, and his reaction is what I tried to do (get a new girl asap). I can't say I blame him at all. Try and imagine what's going through his head. All his fantasies of you for years were of someone totally different. His entire reality would be shaken. My charade only lasted 3 months, I can't imagine how he must feel. I'd shared so much with my gf. Now though I just try and forget about it and pretend thatvrelationship never existed. I am sorry if my words seem harsh but that's pretty much what's going on through his head right now... I hope you learn from this and become a better person.
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