MIWifeInCrisis Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Good evening everyone. I am here a broken woman desperate to save her marriage. There are SO many issues involved including too many outsiders putting their 2 cents in on our relationship, 2 small children, jealousy issues, and mental illness. My husband and I have been separated for about a month now. He filed for divorce yesterday (according to my overly excited mother in law) and told her that he feels that I don't have time in my life for him and he is not in love with me anymore. He is suffering from a mental breakdown which has been a culmination of things stemming back in July. He suggested counseling, which he participated (and I use that term very lightly) twice and doesn't feel there is a need to go back. He says he loves me with all his heart and always will; he will always be there for me whatever I need but we have too many differences now. We have been together for a little over 6 years and married for 3 1/2. Due to a personal protection order that I obtained (there are alot of issues going on related to his illness), we are unable to have contact with each other for the next 3 weeks until the ppo is abolished. I love him and am desperate to save my marriage. I am heartbroken and just beside myself right now and I don't know what to do next. I have the children with me and answering my oldest sons questions just reduces me to tears because I honestly don't understand what's going on and I feel like I woke up and my marriage was over. Is it really over? Do I continue to have hope until the divorce is final, if it gets that far? What can I do to prove my commitment to him? I'm lost and I feel like my best friend has died. Thank you.
AloneAndWaiting Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Others will be here soon wiser than I but I can feel your anxiety and fear. Fear not, you can't control what he does, particularly if he has mental or physical issues. But you should understand that filing divorce is a piece of paper, and that can be undone as easy as its done. Divorce is the big kids version of "you're not my friend no more" and sometimes that doesn't last long. Feel your emotions, after denial and bargaining will come anger and acceptance. Be an example for your kids and do things that will make it best for you and them in the long run. Take care of yourself.
debtman Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Welcome to LS and I'm sorry you're here under these circumstance. My best advice it to look into the 180. You have to start making POSITIVE changes for yourself, work on improving yourself and make yourself a better person. Address YOUR issues and work on improving who you are. Take a REAL look at the relationship, figure out what YOU can do to make YOURSELF a better person and get on board with doing that. I highly suggest IC (individual counseling) and, when he sees the changes you're making, it may make him come around, it may not, regardless, it will make you a better person. Now is the most difficult time in your life. Take comfort in the fact that it's temporary, it will get better. Read some other people's stories on here. Gain strength in the experiences and stories here, they've helped me get through some incredibly difficult times. Be strong and keep posting...
Author MIWifeInCrisis Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Thank you for the advice I have stuck with individual counseling and it is helping me more than I thought it would. I have also been able to attend a few seminars about self esteem and the power of positive thinking (ironically sent through work not related to my personal life). I have come to realize that although it is HIM who needs to fix his issues before anything will be happy for him, I can, and will, make the changes necessary to make myself happy and be the best mom for my kids. I have more good days than bad now it seems. But, I still have the very dark days where I just want to cry and feel so desperate to hear his voice.
Dad_of_3 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Sorry to hear of the rough times you're going through. But from reading your last post, it sounds more than anything like you're on the right path. Going to counselling is a fantastic step and especially when it opens your eyes to things you may not have noticed. My biggest lifter from this is your acknowledgement of your children and the will to be the best mom possible to them. That made my day. Also when you can see that this journey you aee currently on is truly a rollercoaster. There will be extreme highs and on the other end extreme lows. Just remember that you only need to get past that low before it will once again shine. Rember to take care of yourself, eat well, exercise and keep positive! Keep posting!
Recommended Posts