xpaperxcutx Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 Awesome update. It seems like everything work in your favor. If I had anything negative to say about your relationship previously, I apologize for my harshness. It's difficult not to be a little bit cynical in this day and age. I think it's good step that your bf took a deep reflection on himself and his behaviour. It tells you that he's willing to work on this relationship and build it on a stronger foundation. If anything, look for action, that is key here.
Author moontiger Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Awesome update. It seems like everything work in your favor. If I had anything negative to say about your relationship previously, I apologize for my harshness. It's difficult not to be a little bit cynical in this day and age. I think it's good step that your bf took a deep reflection on himself and his behaviour. It tells you that he's willing to work on this relationship and build it on a stronger foundation. If anything, look for action, that is key here. No apology needed xpapercutx--I put my story out there to get honest opinions, not to get opinions saying how great everything was, and I'm glad for your honest opinion. It was part of what made me realize that I was not being treated well. Your opinion and everyone else's made me think very hard, and gather the courage I would have needed to leave. I really appreciated your help and everyone else's. Sometimes I do worry I am too complacent and too willing to settle for what I get, not only in relationships, but in jobs and in life as well. As you said, though, words are easy--actions and changing how you interact with someone is hard. I am still waiting to see what happens, so this story isn't over yet. <3 to you all.
mortensorchid Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Please update us as to what did or didn't happen with this situation. Hopefully you will have broken it off or given him what for by now.
Author moontiger Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Please update us as to what did or didn't happen with this situation. Hopefully you will have broken it off or given him what for by now. Hello mortensorchid. Thanks for asking. As in the previous post, the next time BF called he apologized profusely. I did not give him an easy time of it; I told him the things he had been saying to me were not OK, and that if he really felt that he was settling then I no longer wanted to be with him. What I said was not an empty threat; I meant it. It was the first time in our relationship that I had spoken so strongly. I accepted his apology, but I also stopped trying quite so hard to please him, and I stopped cooing and fussing over him. And to his great credit, in the two weeks since that conversation he has turned completely around. He treats me kindly, has repeatedly said he was a fool and loves me the way I am, and he does not seem the slightest bit ambivalent any more. I guess I have learned a lesson. Sometimes the best way to fix a relationship is not to try too hard to, and to be willing to leave if you are mistreated. To some extent, I'm still scared that things are going to go back to the way they were, but I am hopeful. I do think that we could benefit from some premarital counseling. Thank you for your help and insight. Sorry for the delayed reply.
Author moontiger Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 Please update us as to what did or didn't happen with this situation. Hopefully you will have broken it off or given him what for by now. We have broken up. I am too exhausted to tell the story in detail now. Thanks for all the support.
Stung Posted July 17, 2011 Posted July 17, 2011 I came to this thread primarily as an experienced scuba diver of many years to tell you NOT to let anybody push you into trying to dive if you're not comfortable with it, particularly when you don't even swim, jeez. That just shows a horrifyingly callous disregard for your wellbeing and is a gigantic red flag regardless of everything else posted about, IMO. Then I skimmed along and noticed your updates. I wasn't even going to wade into the fray of analyzing cultural differences, but honestly, I think you are probably better off. There is no such thing as a perfect person and there is no pinnacle of match perfection where everybody is 100% blissful 100% of the time, this is true--but this relationship was never in any danger of coming even close to being in that shadow. Still, I am sure that it hurts. Endings are often painful, and there is usually some confusion and regret, second-guessing, fear of the unknown. Just remember please that it is possible to find a better fit than the one you were trying on with this guy, trust in that, and feel what you have to feel about this breakup and then begin to pick up and move forward. Good luck.
Author moontiger Posted July 17, 2011 Author Posted July 17, 2011 (edited) I wasn't even going to wade into the fray of analyzing cultural differences, but honestly, I think you are probably better off. There is no such thing as a perfect person and there is no pinnacle of match perfection where everybody is 100% blissful 100% of the time, this is true--but this relationship was never in any danger of coming even close to being in that shadow. Still, I am sure that it hurts. Endings are often painful, and there is usually some confusion and regret, second-guessing, fear of the unknown. Just remember please that it is possible to find a better fit than the one you were trying on with this guy, trust in that, and feel what you have to feel about this breakup and then begin to pick up and move forward. Good luck. Thank you Stung. Your post makes me feel much better. You are exactly right--I am thinking all of these "what if I'd done such-and-such differently," and "how am I ever going to meet someone else and do all this again," and that is very difficult. But all of my friends and family say I am better off without him, and that this experience will hurt in the short term but be good for me in the long term. And that I will meet someone else more suitable for me. Thank you for the encouragement. Edited July 17, 2011 by moontiger
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