Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I havent cotacted my ex sence the breakup which was over 3 months ago but recently deleted her from my facebook to cut ties if you will. It feels so strange though not a hurting pain but a weird feeling. Someone you loved so much who was a huge part in your life is gone... I don't know if I can ever be friends with her. We have 3 years left of college but I will keep my distance as best as possible. Hopefully I run into a new girl. I learned my mistakes such as being clingy and what not and wont make them again. I excepted that she is gone and is never coming back despite the fact that I learned I was clingy.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I havent cotacted my ex sence the breakup which was over 3 months ago but recently deleted her from my facebook to cut ties if you will. It feels so strange though not a hurting pain but a weird feeling. Someone you loved so much who was a huge part in your life is gone... I don't know if I can ever be friends with her. We have 3 years left of college but I will keep my distance as best as possible. Hopefully I run into a new girl. I learned my mistakes such as being clingy and what not and wont make them again. I excepted that she is gone and is never coming back despite the fact that I learned I was clingy. This is the best thing you can hope for and get from a breakup. I know exactly how you're feeling. You're definitely on the right track, and you'll be fine.
willpower Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Don't take it for granted that you have learned. You are AWARE, you'll probably need to make a concerted effort next time round to stay out of the clingy zone. But now you are aware, you have the x ray specs needed to see it as it happens next time. That's just me, I tend to need change beaten into me with a (metaphorical) stick!
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Don't take it for granted that you have learned. You are AWARE, you'll probably need to make a concerted effort next time round to stay out of the clingy zone. But now you are aware, you have the x ray specs needed to see it as it happens next time. That's just me, I tend to need change beaten into me with a (metaphorical) stick! Yeah I will definately turn down that cuddling for an hour crap among other things. Granted I am not pissed at myself really it was my first relationship. Its common for people to be clingy in their first relationship and not know what they are doing till its to late. Its like giving someone a gun whos never held one and telling them to shoot the moving target 30 yards away, sure they might hit it but very unlikely.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Yeah I will definately turn down that cuddling for an hour crap among other things. What's wrong with cuddling...?
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 What's wrong with cuddling...? I love cuddling but I did it too much
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I love cuddling but I did it too much what exactly did she say was clingy about you? Most people have a different look at clingy lol. and personally i like cuddling lol. inless you were trying to cuddle 24/7 lol but i doubt that was the case. and hour doesnt sound so bad though. lol
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 what exactly did she say was clingy about you? Most people have a different look at clingy lol. and personally i like cuddling lol. inless you were trying to cuddle 24/7 lol but i doubt that was the case. and hour doesnt sound so bad though. lol She didn't say I was clingy she said when she broke up with me "your a great guy you treated me well but I don't see it going any further. You deserve a girl who loves you more than I do." But when I look back I was clingy (physically and I would always say crap like "your the only girl I want") so much for playing hard to get. I asked our mutual friend who in fact introduced us if I was clingy and she said yes. I would always hold her hand when we go out always touched her and what not.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 She didn't say I was clingy she said when she broke up with me "your a great guy you treated me well but I don't see it going any further. You deserve a girl who loves you more than I do." But when I look back I was clingy (physically and I would always say crap like "your the only girl I want") so much for playing hard to get. I asked our mutual friend who in fact introduced us if I was clingy and she said yes. I would always hold her hand when we go out always touched her and what not. Stop blaming yourself for this breakup. She's just as accountable as you are, and you are placing her on this pedestal where you believe she can do no wrong. Sh*t doesn't work out sometimes. It doesn't mean that you are a bad guy or that you did anything wrong. Many relationships just aren't meant to work out. For all you know, she was the one who messed up or was doing something wrong. Also, stop seeking opinions of others (i.e., your mutual friend) and interpreting them as fact. Who is she to know whether you were "clingy"? Do you honestly feel you were clingy? I know that I'll be holding my girl's hand when we're out, and I'll be holding her on the couch while we're watching TV because it makes me feel good and because I want to. If she doesn't like it, then she can take a hike. Takeaway from this: stop blaming yourself.
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 i dont see anything wrong with that actually. like i said every girl is different. Im the opposite way. dont get me wrong. I like my guy to have his guy time. he can always go out with his buddies and stuff. but i like a guy to cuddle with, and hold my hand and say stuff like that. I dont think that defines you as clingy unless you were doing it every second of every day. lol I would say dont stop that all together. if your thinking you do it too much then just cut back a little bit lol but i dont know any girl (including myself) who doesnt like being told that there the only one you want, or being cuddled. lol Or maybe im the only one! lmao
depplover_1980 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Mixed, I am going to disagree with whoever said that was clingy. What you describe is physical behaviour of people in a loving relationship - maybe she has intimacy issues? You sound a good boyfriend, don't cull the traits that make you special too much. Clingy to me is someone who allows no space within a relationship, someone who always wants to do everything together and someone who is easily hurt when their partner tries to address the issues.
depplover_1980 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Saphira and I have just pretty much said the same thing in a different way. So there you go!
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Stop blaming yourself for this breakup. She's just as accountable as you are, and you are placing her on this pedestal where you believe she can do no wrong. Sh*t doesn't work out sometimes. It doesn't mean that you are a bad guy or that you did anything wrong. Many relationships just aren't meant to work out. For all you know, she was the one who messed up or was doing something wrong. Also, stop seeking opinions of others (i.e., your mutual friend) and interpreting them as fact. Who is she to know whether you were "clingy"? Do you honestly feel you were clingy? I know that I'll be holding my girl's hand when we're out, and I'll be holding her on the couch while we're watching TV because it makes me feel good and because I want to. If she doesn't like it, then she can take a hike. Takeaway from this: stop blaming yourself. I agree with that completely. there is nothing more that i like then to be held by my man (when i have one again lol). It makes me feel safe, and really cared for. I love to have my hand held. I would hate to be out wiht my guy and feel completely ignored because he didnt show me ANY attention lol. I think your girl may just not have been interested in you completely. because like he said in that quote, watching TV and holding her, or holding hand while your out. If she is into you she will love that. stop focsing on what you think are your faults. and just come to terms with the fact that maybe she just wasn't the girl for you. i am doing that now. I am 19 and in college and just got out of a relationship. Dont worry so much. there is someone out there for you who will like to be held xD
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Saphira and I have just pretty much said the same thing in a different way. So there you go! you know why we said the same thing in different ways? CUZ WERE RIGHT!!!! lol:lmao::lmao::lmao:
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Stop blaming yourself for this breakup. She's just as accountable as you are, and you are placing her on this pedestal where you believe she can do no wrong. Sh*t doesn't work out sometimes. It doesn't mean that you are a bad guy or that you did anything wrong. Many relationships just aren't meant to work out. For all you know, she was the one who messed up or was doing something wrong. Also, stop seeking opinions of others (i.e., your mutual friend) and interpreting them as fact. Who is she to know whether you were "clingy"? Do you honestly feel you were clingy? I know that I'll be holding my girl's hand when we're out, and I'll be holding her on the couch while we're watching TV because it makes me feel good and because I want to. If she doesn't like it, then she can take a hike. Takeaway from this: stop blaming yourself. I guess your right. But than again I was not extremely clingy and my couselour at school told me that usually a partner will talk about something thats bothering them if they are taking the relationship seriously. So maybe she just lost feeling idk but I can't dwell on that now can I.
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 The thing is to we are in college and freshmen so we are busy all the time she had basketball and I have 2 jobs as well we saw each other probably 3 to 4 times a week not very much although we did spend time together it was definately not 24/7. I would say compared to other couples we spent a decent amount time together.
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I agree with that completely. there is nothing more that i like then to be held by my man (when i have one again lol). It makes me feel safe, and really cared for. I love to have my hand held. I would hate to be out wiht my guy and feel completely ignored because he didnt show me ANY attention lol. I think your girl may just not have been interested in you completely. because like he said in that quote, watching TV and holding her, or holding hand while your out. If she is into you she will love that. stop focsing on what you think are your faults. and just come to terms with the fact that maybe she just wasn't the girl for you. i am doing that now. I am 19 and in college and just got out of a relationship. Dont worry so much. there is someone out there for you who will like to be held xD Also we did rush into the relationship we only knew each other for 6 days and got together.
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Also we did rush into the relationship we only knew each other for 6 days and got together. yes but it was a mutual rushing into things. that doesnt make you clingy. you both made that decision to get together that soon.
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 yes but it was a mutual rushing into things. that doesnt make you clingy. you both made that decision to get together that soon. Yup good point. I was just feeling a little lonely a lot of my friends are in relationships and my ex has a new bf 2 months after our break up which was in November. But being single is not bad I know. Just because we don't have any partner does not mean we are less worthy or less than. p.s we are both 19 year old college students! I feel a little silly wanting a serious relationship at 19 lol A lot of guys my age and older just want booty calls
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 ha im a 19 year old college student and i want a long term relationship lmao. just because your young doesnt mean you dont know what you want. idk i guess my motto is why date if you dont think it will go anywhere in the long run lol being single isnt bad (i currently am) but that doenst mean you dont want a special someone who you can spend time with on a more emotional level lol
Author Mixed28 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 ha im a 19 year old college student and i want a long term relationship lmao. just because your young doesnt mean you dont know what you want. idk i guess my motto is why date if you dont think it will go anywhere in the long run lol being single isnt bad (i currently am) but that doenst mean you dont want a special someone who you can spend time with on a more emotional level lol Totally agree I want someone special before I met my ex I was happy than we got together and I was even more happy. Now its meh but I am focusing on myself I am getting BUFF! But that companionship is amazing!
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 hahaha same here. now i have a job. and school ect. but after your with some one and you realize how happy you are with someone special in your life. i kinda want that again lol. but ya gotta take one day at a time lol
Author Mixed28 Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 hahaha same here. now i have a job. and school ect. but after your with some one and you realize how happy you are with someone special in your life. i kinda want that again lol. but ya gotta take one day at a time lol This is old I know but I came to the conclusion that she just wasnt that into me. I said I was clingy but looking back thats BS! Clingy to me and most people is sending a crap ton of texts when you don't relpy to them. Being around them 24/7. Being extremely jealous, Controlling etc Was I any of those? The answer is NOOO! It was difficult to read her body language during the relationship. In fact I saw her and her new bf her body language when they were sitting together was odd. I remeber my friend also student manager at the campus cafeteria who is a girl said that when we were together and she saw us sitting together her body language was odd she didn't seem interested. She said that most girls will be kind of more open and not standoffish if that makes any sense hard to describe. I got the same feeling when I saw them together. She is kind of weird now when I see it from an outsiders perspective.
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