rogue5099 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 My wife and I have been married for 4 years and we have been dating 6 years prior with a total of 10 years together. I am 27 and she is 26 with 2 kids with me 2years and newborn. Our story shortened is I didn't spend time with her after the marriage and she felt alone so she sought to get attention from another man. Once confronted about it she stopped being in contact with him and I tried to give her the quality time she wanted. Through 2 councillers (which I disliked both) and marriage retreats still she feels she isn't getting the attention she wants. Present day, she has told me she doesn't have feelings for me and we should seperate (so I did). She wants to regain those feelings for me. I have always loved her and still do and can't imagine my future without her. I am a physical feeling man and require the holding, touching, and sex. Now being seperated I am loosing all those feelings and her not waivering from seperation for the better good is killing me. (Not to mention I am not the perfect husband and I do have an anger problem that makes me say hurtful things when I anger, I'm working on that. Never ANY physical abuse.) She says she still sees a future for us but she needs time. She is leaving in 2 months to go overseas in the military and will be gone for a year. I want to spend as much time with her as possible, What can/do I do?
Duckduckgoose Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 If you want to prove to her that you are working on yourself to be a better man for her you need to seek anger management and couselling for you anger and the underlying issues right away! Part of the reason my stbxH and I are no longer together is the anger I was having during the marriage. I am 27 as is he. I went and got set up with a counsellor THE DAY AFTER he left. Even though he is gone and we are divorcing I am still getting the help I need so I can be a good wife for a future husband If she knows you are working on your anger with a counselor and you have that to talk about when you have contact while she's away she will hopefully come back around to loving and wanting to be with you again. If not, then at least you have your anger under control and ways to cope with what makes you angry for the next woman you are with. You can't make her do anything, only YOU can do something. Get a counselor for yourself if nothing else. I know I have benefited greatly from counselling especially through the divorce process.
Author rogue5099 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 (edited) Thank you for your response. My anger is an underlining of the whole situation. When I said I'm working on that, it is at the aid of professional help. She doesn't know this yet but will as soon as I see improvement on my part. I don't want this topic to go straight into anger but into how long do you wait. I know that I would wait an eternity just for the opportunity to spend one more good moment with her. This isn't healthy for me. I don't view any other woman as someone I could have these feeling for. How do you know when enough is enough? From everything that I have seen/read/heard the commitment quality is rare for men nowadays. At least I am committed to ONLY her. Edited March 6, 2011 by rogue5099
debtman Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 All you can do is work on yourself, improve yourself, make yourself the best person you can be. If the relationship can be saved, she will see what you're doing and she will come around. If not, you will come out a better, stronger, more capable person and you will be happier by yourself and, eventually, for the next person. Read other posts on here, this is a temporary situation you're in. The most difficult thing you will face in your life. Take comfort in that. Someday you will look back on these days as a turning point to making you a better person. Stay strong and keep posting...
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