singlelife Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Out last nite at the bar and I had a few girls come up to me and say a few words then leave. This morning I hear from friends ( you know how everybody seems to know everybody) that the girls like me and wanted to date me. Guess I didn't pick it up. But really girls, just tapping a guy on the shoulder and walking past him to go get drinks isn't enough to let him know you are interested. No wonder women have such a hard time. Guess I'll have to play detective next time out.
mo mo Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Hehe, yea they are like that sometimes One time I was at a concert on a cruise boat and before the show started, this really cute girl came up behind me in line, smiled and said hi, and then I responded with a helllooo and she turned red and ran away! I couldn't find her for the rest of the night!
Author singlelife Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Hehe, yea they are like that sometimes One time I was at a concert on a cruise boat and before the show started, this really cute girl came up behind me in line, smiled and said hi, and then I responded with a helllooo and she turned red and ran away! I couldn't find her for the rest of the night! Wow. That's crazy. Maybe women don't realize how they come off to guys when they do that.
USMCHokie Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Out last nite at the bar and I had a few girls come up to me and say a few words then leave. This morning I hear from friends ( you know how everybody seems to know everybody) that the girls like me and wanted to date me. Guess I didn't pick it up. But really girls, just tapping a guy on the shoulder and walking past him to go get drinks isn't enough to let him know you are interested. No wonder women have such a hard time. Guess I'll have to play detective next time out. Two things: (1) It doesn't matter what she thinks...it's what you want...if you are attracted to her and want to get to know her, then approach her. Be proactive rather than reactive. Sitting around waiting for women to give you a "signal" that it's ok to talk to them and reacting to that isn't going to get you very far; let alone trying to interpret "signals"... (2) Ask your friends to tell you that night and not the morning after that some girl is digging you, for god's sakes...what good does it do you to know this when she's gone forever?! This is why going out with a bunch of Marines can be favorable...situational awareness is off the charts...and we don't let that sh*t slip by...
Author singlelife Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Two things: (1) It doesn't matter what she thinks...it's what you want...if you are attracted to her and want to get to know her, then approach her. Be proactive rather than reactive. Sitting around waiting for women to give you a "signal" that it's ok to talk to them and reacting to that isn't going to get you very far; let alone trying to interpret "signals"... (2) Ask your friends to tell you that night and not the morning after that some girl is digging you, for god's sakes...what good does it do you to know this when she's gone forever?! This is why going out with a bunch of Marines can be favorable...situational awareness is off the charts...and we don't let that sh*t slip by... I do approach women an get lots of them. But this thread is about the ones who like the guys and miss out. Thaanks for sharing though.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 singlelife, you start off saying that these girls came up to you, talked to you, then left. Or that they tapped you on the shoulder. Whatever. Not sure why they left -- did you try chatting them up after they approached you? How much of a response to them did you show? If it wasn't much, I'd be outta there, too. I'm not 100% sure due to lack of detail in this narrative, but I think that was your sign that they were interested. If they weren't interested, they would have ignored you. Likely have ignored you completely. And USMCHokie's right -- you need some friends who give you feedback in realtime.
Stung Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Why exactly did you imagine they were walking up to you, tapping you on the shoulder, and initiating conversations with you? In a bar, at night, while you were already busy with friends? If they were tapping you on the shoulder and asking you to move out of their way, or something, I can understand why you weren't picking up on anything and your friends are possibly just smoking something. If they were specifically approaching YOU, tapping you on the shoulder and just chatting you up randomly, they were putting themselves out there and most guys would have figured out something was up IMO.
Nexus One Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I don't know if it's shyness, perhaps some girls/women think they can "get the message across" through very subtle hints. But many guys are too clueless and oblivious to focus on such subtle hints and will likely interpret them as friendliness or discard them altogether. Just like in your situation, sure she tapped you on the shoulder and started a conversation, but that could very well be interpreted as general friendliness. And guys look for obvious proof of interest, really obvious proof, because many guys don't want to make a move when they think they're not supposed to.
Woggle Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I don't think they mean to do it but some women don't realize that straight and direct works best with men.
Stung Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I don't think they mean to do it but some women don't realize that straight and direct works best with men. You have been so fantastically reasonable lately! It makes me smile, because it makes me think you must be feeling pretty good.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I don't know if it's shyness, perhaps some girls/women think they can "get the message across" through very subtle hints. But many guys are too clueless and oblivious to focus on such subtle hints and will likely interpret them as friendliness or discard them altogether. Just like in your situation, sure she tapped you on the shoulder and started a conversation, but that could very well be interpreted as general friendliness. And guys look for obvious proof of interest, really obvious proof, because many guys don't want to make a move when they think they're not supposed to. Ditto to this. How many of us have had a woman do precisely the same thing only to latter claim they were just being friendly? The only way a man can be sure not to miss an opportunity would be to hit on every single woman who talks to him at all. Deal with lots of rejection... but get more total dates....even with a higher rejection rate.
callingyouuu Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 How many of us have had a woman do precisely the same thing only to latter claim they were just being friendly? My guess about what happens here is that they are actually interested in the first place. In situations like the OP posted, it doesn't make sense for them to approach with just the intention of being friendly. They come up and chat a bit to sort of "feel you out." Remember that it only takes a few seconds for them to come to some sort of conclusion about you. If you were underwhelming or unresponsive, they can use the "just being friendly" line if you suddenly start returning interest. Not a huge deal. Just move on to the next one!
youaretheone Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 There is either a problem with the guys or the girls. When they act friendly, you take it as a sign of interest. When they are interested, you start ignoring the signs because you take them as a friendly gesture and you lose your chances again. Is there a solution to this?
Author singlelife Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 This world wide issues that women do. STep your game up lady's.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 My guess about what happens here is that they are actually interested in the first place. In situations like the OP posted, it doesn't make sense for them to approach with just the intention of being friendly. They come up and chat a bit to sort of "feel you out." Remember that it only takes a few seconds for them to come to some sort of conclusion about you. I know just what point that happens at. If they ever ask me what I do for a living the answer makes this "shy" type of girl shrink away. If you were underwhelming or unresponsive, they can use the "just being friendly" line if you suddenly start returning interest. Not a huge deal. Just move on to the next one! Underwhelming...nah...if anything I get the sense that as soon as I tell what I do they are overwhelmed. Too impressed no matter how I downplay it.
Leeway Harris Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I know just what point that happens at. If they ever ask me what I do for a living the answer makes this "shy" type of girl shrink away. Why? What do you do for a living?
AverageJoe Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I know just what point that happens at. If they ever ask me what I do for a living the answer makes this "shy" type of girl shrink away. I agree with this part. I never answer directly. I will tell them I might save sick dolphins off the leeward coast. It is very rewarding and I am sorry your job at the DMV is so boring. As far as the OP. Yeah, many women have no clue. Then they are left wondering why.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) Why? What do you do for a living? "I am a graduate student" or "I am a scientist". When I say scientist a number of negative stereotypes come up which drown out my actual personality. I try to avoid that kind of conversation by asking them what they do or changing the subject all together. Sometimes it can't be avoided. The shy type talked about in this thread is very insecure. They often make some akward comment.... like "so you know how to blow up the world?" or...if their religous... they'll want to talk to me about evolution. Or they are so overawed that they don't think they have any business talking to me "your too smart for me". Edited March 7, 2011 by Mrlonelyone
Author singlelife Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 I agree with this part. I never answer directly. I will tell them I might save sick dolphins off the leeward coast. It is very rewarding and I am sorry your job at the DMV is so boring. As far as the OP. Yeah, many women have no clue. Then they are left wondering why. Women have no clue is right. They let the good men pass them up without giving them an honest chance. Yes ladies that means you may have to be more obvious or work a little harder to get that man of your dreams.
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