Anna86 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Hi, I have posted here a few times. I met my ex tonight. Wow, It was hard. We broke up a few months ago. He told me he loved me when he broke up but needed to concentrate on his life. He said he wants freedom etc as he has a very busy job. I understood!! I always wanted closure. Anyway, he maintained he loved me and wasn't over me up until tonight. He told me he is not over me and wants to see me. However, tonight for the first time in months I went out to see my mutual mates. I knew he would be there, but I still went. I spoke to him and it felt so strange. He acted so nervous and so scared. I walked away in the end. A few hours later I found him talking to some girl. I saw him talking to her earlier but he denied knowing her. I freaked out and smacked him in the face (wow, I am so surprised and freaked out that happened). I was very drunk. He then told me he didn't love me anymore but how he lied to me after we broke up by telling me he loved me. It was a huge shock. I feel so low, stupid and silly for trusting him after we broke up. My mates begged me not to talk to him tonight, but I went and found him talking to some girl. Right now, I feel low, sad and stupid. I guess I am so surprised. He said he didn't want to hurt my feelings by saying he didn't love me after dumping me. I begged him when we broke up to say he is over me but he just lied. Right now, I feel so betrayed and hurt. I guess I don't know how to move on from this. I am stuck and upset. any advice would be great
willpower Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I send a hug to you. Be thankful for this event, you were holding on to him because you thought he still loved you. Now you know from source he does not. He no longer has anything you need. Focus on the future, move on, have hope. Internalize that its going to be tough, but that if you have hope you will get to the future faster and be happy once again. You will be ok, just accept its going to be hard for a bit and use the free time to work on areas that you may have put aside while investing time with your ex.
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 In some weird way, I wish my ex would tell me he didnt love me. Maybe then i could move on a little quicker. a little better. Me and my man broke up about 3 weeks ago after a 2 year relationship. And he ended it the same way. I still love you and always will. I just cant be with you while im still working on me. and his job takes up alot of his time as well. I know it is hard for you to have herd that. But atleast you know where he stands. In some way it may be best. Now unlike myself. you wont have to have those, "possibility" thoughst of getting back together. I wish you the best.
Author Anna86 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Thank you for your hug willpower!! Saphira, I was in the same position as you. He told me he loved me until yesterday. It is so unhealthy to cling in to that love. I did for 2 months and everyone told me to move on. They told me 'he didn't break up with you because he loves you'. I guess I am shocked that he lied to me during the break up. He called me, emailed me and told me he missed me. It was so difficult to move when he does that. I have no idea why he did it if he didn't love me or miss me. A word of advice for newly single people, AVOID meeting an ex out at all costs on a night out until u are over them. I asked my ex before I went would he be with a girl and he promised he wouldn't. On that condition I went, only to find him talking to a girl. That is what I am so mad about. He lied to me constantly. He has changed so much in two months since I last saw him. He is wearing clothes he used to laugh at when people wore them as he said they were 'pretentious'. He has become so vain and full of himself. It is so hard to watch. I am still so depressed today, but I think its rock bottom and they only way is up!!!
HeavenOrHell Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Can't believe you smacked him in the face, if a man did that to a woman he'd most likely be arrested (rightly so).
Author Anna86 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I know....it was a moment of pure anger..I just saw red when I saw him with her. It was out of order on my part and I came across looking crazy. I really did freak out, I was surprised and upset with myself, I feel terrible today. Trust me, I didn't hit hard as I am only small, it was just a tap. Not that I smacked him, but the pain I caused for myself.
spackle Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Can't believe you smacked him in the face, if a man did that to a woman he'd most likely be arrested (rightly so). it was good enough for the Doris Day movies...
depplover_1980 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I know....it was a moment of pure anger..I just saw red when I saw him with her. It was out of order on my part and I came across looking crazy. I really did freak out, I was surprised and upset with myself, I feel terrible today. Trust me, I didn't hit hard as I am only small, it was just a tap. Not that I smacked him, but the pain I caused for myself. Anna, may I enquire as to whether you've ever been violent before? Were you quite controlling in the relationship in hindsight? Have you ever screamed or shouted during arguments?
Saphira Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Thank you for your hug willpower!! Saphira, I was in the same position as you. He told me he loved me until yesterday. It is so unhealthy to cling in to that love. I did for 2 months and everyone told me to move on. They told me 'he didn't break up with you because he loves you'. I guess I am shocked that he lied to me during the break up. He called me, emailed me and told me he missed me. It was so difficult to move when he does that. I have no idea why he did it if he didn't love me or miss me. My guy is in the process of doing that now. Actually i just posted soemthing. "He texted me!_!" it explains it there. And if he one day tells me he doesnt love me and he lied the way yours did. then i will just be devistated. Because it does make you cling to that love. Like i say in my post. Kind of like there is always that semblance of hope. like because you love them and (you think) they love you, it will work out one day. It sucks.
Author Anna86 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 small update. My ex called me there to talk about the night. He apologized about what happened and that the girl wasn't what I thought she was. He said he acted weird around me as it was a really long time since we saw each other. He seemed cold when I got upset and explained today that it is because he doesn't feel its right that he still comforts me like we did when we were together. I agree, I am glad he didn't as I would cling on. Also,, I did not slap him I just found out!!!! I went to but he moved...I really thought I did but I guess I didn't! The fact that I tried scares me, as I never do this. I guess I felt heartbroken beyond belief (and I just had a 12 hour flight the day before, jetlagged and hungry and had too much to drink).....I am not making excuses for this as it is terrible but I really wasn't in my right mind. To answer your question, yes I do believe at times that I raised my voice when having an argument, but I guess most people do. Also, I was a little controlling in our relationship now. I was naive to it at the time as he has never accused me of it but I look back and realise I was. We broke up as it wasn't working. We both had different goals and dreams..He changed beyond belief over the past few months. I would suggest that anyone with an ex who is clinging on with hope, just let it go. If they love you, they will fight for you. If not, they will let you free. I was willing to work on our relationship, he wasnt. I loved him and ghe loved other things more than me. I guess this is common in a lot of breakups. I wish you all strength to move on and let yourself free from these exes. Today, I feel free as I got closure!! Finally!! I waited two months for this.
TurboGirl Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Kudos to Anna86 for being so brave to go & meet the guy face to face and bring it to closure. Painful yes, but now you have the answer. Not all of us get that chance! I think they say that they still love you, and just need to work on themselves, all that, to leave the door open... just in case they don't find anyone else they like as much. They like to leave you hanging so they can try & come back later. As if! I view that entire tactic as cruel, cowardly and manipulative. Forget the guy Saphira, you will meet someone more worthy of your love.
Author Anna86 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Turbogirl, I agree with you!! I think they tell u they love you to keep u hanging in there in case they change their mind or nobody better comes along. Its also a confidence thing for some people. Its like they want u to cling on as it makes them feel powerful. Remember, it is so easy to say 'I still love you'. But lets see how many people can prove it? The only way is if they try make it work with you again. If they don't, then they aren't in love the way they were before. Also, some people try to force themselves to love you even if its not working. My ex shared that information with me earlier.. It hurts like hell, but at least its the truth. No matter how tough the truth is, I think lies are worse as it confuses a persons head and makes them believe something that may not be true. I have been there and it is hell.
depplover_1980 Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Anna, after reading your last couple of posts I think you can do a lot better than this guy. So good luck with it.
Author Anna86 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 Thank you! I know I can do better than this guy! He wasn't right for me. We were very similar at first, we wanted the same things in life. We had the same interests and short term goals. Overtime, I saw that actually we have very different ideas on how we want to live our lives. He has changed 100percent since I last saw him. I do actually find it hard to see how much he has changed. Its like he morphed into someone else. I am shocked! The time he started changing was around the time he stopped loving me. I guess that is no coincidence. The guy who loved me is very different to the guy he is now. That is also the time I became suspicious about other girls. It just hurts a little, I really worry that I will become paranoid it will happen to me again. I am worried that I will fall in love and everything will be great and then one day he will decide he doesn't love me and just transform into someone else. He is a musician, I guess long term girlfriends are hard work when you have women throwing themselves at him all the time. Also, he wanted to dedicate himself to music while I always reacted badly to it. This caused arguments a lot. I was very insecure that music was more important than me. I guess it was in the end. Today, I feel really sad! I hope it passes! At least I have the whole truth. Am starting a new job today so I hope it can help me heal. Any advice on how to heal a broken heart would be great.....I wish you all luck in mending your broken hearts. It must be one of the hardest things to heal.
depplover_1980 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Hey Anna, Did you post something up about him being a musician before? I replied in length to a similar thread once and I never saw a reply back, so maybe it wasn't you? But basically I've been there and done that with a boyfriend in a band he took very seriously and they do change. Don't be afraid of the future, there was nothing wrong with your judgement but people do change and nothing can ever forsee that happening. Sometimes we are only meant to be with someone for a short time and then move on, but as long as something is learnt and you walk away with some good memories, then it wasn't for nothing. However take your time getting to know someone first before giving your heart. As for mending your heart - the answer is time, patience and setting yourself personal goals - the new job is good timing!!
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