heartbrokeninohio Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 We have been living together for 4 years and here I was helping him pack for his radio trip. I was going to put a sweet note in the side pocket only to discover he had a blister pack of cialis in that pocket. We normally keep those in the nightstand drawer and there is no way these got there from a previous trip we took together. Also the blister pack he ripped it out of the original sample cardboard book type box and folded it in 3 The warning signs for me is this time instead of him doing this fest for the two days he's gone this morning and making it a 4 night trip. This is my home and at this point I want to change the locks and tell him to move on my first instinct. Sad part is both of us are widows and went through the same thing. What would you do and how would you confront him? I myself would like to say how would he feel if I packed condoms in my bag for a weekend trip. Update: I called him on it on the phone and he said he'd call later that was wednesday and as you can probably guess he has not called me once and its been 4 days now. I texted him last night I know stupid maybe but I told him sorry for his luck to dismiss me like that but he was not welcome to freeload in my home anymore. he also has an emotional affair last year with a hs girlfriend but that never amounted to anything other than the emotional thing. I know my message is rambled but I'm so worried about him becoming violent tomorrow when he tries to just come back here...he's that selfish and self centered that he will odds are be trying that approach.
spackle Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 it's your place, you've told him he's not welcome. If in doubt change the locks and have a friend or two at your place when you expect him back if you think he might get violent and don't answer the door...anyway you can dump his **** in bags outside? I'm really sorry you've been hurt like this.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 He is Freeloading and you also have to be concerned about if he gets violent?? Living with someone makes one trusting. That's probably the reason why you are asking us, and waiting for his response - and haven't already taken steps. You probably also want to hear what he says, when he eventually talks to you. The fact he didn't get back to you in these few days, means your suspicions seem to be confirmed. Mostly it means you are Entitled to put his things out and change the locks. His time given to explain - should be Up. He still can explain After you move him out, if he wishes. If he has Ever been violent with you in your home, think about a restraining order as well. (and I also agree with the second poster)
desertIslandCactus Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Just read your first post. Try not to take the sleep meds. And yes, from my experience I believe you Will feel more at peace when he is no longer living in the house.
PurpleReign Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I do hope you removed the pills when you found them. I would have, without saying a word.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I do hope you removed the pills when you found them. I would have, without saying a word. Never thought of that, that would have been good. OP, I had to look up what the medication does. At 44 he seems to be so young for that. Or did I misunderstand his age.
spackle Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Never thought of that, that would have been good. OP, I had to look up what the medication does. At 44 he seems to be so young for that. Or did I misunderstand his age. I know guys in their 20's & 30's who take it for um, recreational purposes.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I know guys in their 20's & 30's who take it for um, recreational purposes. naive me
Author heartbrokeninohio Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Just read your first post. Try not to take the sleep meds. And yes, from my experience I believe you Will feel more at peace when he is no longer living in the house. I have tried to sleep without my meds but unfortunately, I have post traumatic stress and the nightmares I used to get don't happen with ambien. To make a long story short my sweet loving husband and my best friend had cancer for 4 years and lost his battle in 2005. I cared for him for those 4 years and the last year he went downhill very quickly. caring for someone ill and he'd have done it for me you don't sleep regular hours and just function and do what needs to be done and your body gets used to that pattern. so if I hear even a sound and I've been asleep a few hours I'll be wide awake for the next 8 and it was bringing my health down. Its will be 6 years this may since I lost my husband and best friend at the same moment. But that night he lost his battle is something that comes in my dreams if that makes sense like a rewind or that movie groundhog day.
Carrot2000 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I don't know how long you were married, but it sounds like you had a really loving marriage. Knowing what you know--knowing how it feels to be loved and treated respectfully--there's no reason for you to put up with this man and his antics. You don't deserve it and you don't have to tolerate it. Pack his things and tell him you want him out of your home; I agree with Spackle's suggestion that you change the locks and have some friends stay with you in case he gets violent.
Author heartbrokeninohio Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Never thought of that, that would have been good. OP, I had to look up what the medication does. At 44 he seems to be so young for that. Or did I misunderstand his age. we are 48 but he's been taking it since we started dating. shockingly, my sister works in a doctors office and calls in refills as part of her job....there are tons of men who get viagara or cialis just for recreation...men in 20's,30's,40's etc. some of the younger one's at times end up in er over taking them...one of my daughters is an er nurse and was talking about it years ago.
jerbear Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I have a question about cialis, is he taking the drug as prescribed by the doctor? It could have been prescribed for it's indended purpose AND off label purposes. I understand your feelings and didn't like his response but it quite possible the drug is used for both legitimate and nefarious reasons.
Author heartbrokeninohio Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I have a question about cialis, is he taking the drug as prescribed by the doctor? It could have been prescribed for it's indended purpose AND off label purposes. I understand your feelings and didn't like his response but it quite possible the drug is used for both legitimate and nefarious reasons. No its not been prescribed to be taken other than for its intended purpose. we were at the doctors together and actually see the same doctor. The way I see it I'll call you later and we can talk about it....that was wed...and now its saturday night and he's still not available...that in itself is valid enough reason to toss him to the curb.
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 The way I see it I'll call you later and we can talk about it....that was wed...and now its saturday night and he's still not available...that in itself is valid enough reason to toss him to the curb. It is. Maybe change the locks. And, dont' be home when he gets home.. Pack a bag and stay somewhere else, just to be safe since you think he may be violent. he's a jerk!
jerbear Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 No its not been prescribed to be taken other than for its intended purpose. we were at the doctors together and actually see the same doctor. The way I see it I'll call you later and we can talk about it....that was wed...and now its saturday night and he's still not available...that in itself is valid enough reason to toss him to the curb. His message was not good and changing the locks maybe good. I would suggest saying something since you two had lived together. I know it is your house but my concern is since you two played house. He still has a legal claim to his stuff. It is. Maybe change the locks. And, dont' be home when he gets home.. Pack a bag and stay somewhere else, just to be safe since you think he may be violent. he's a jerk!I have to agree, good suggestions. He still has the right to his stuff and hence he should be notified. Also get friends to be near you when the meeting does take place.
whichwayisup Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 He still has a legal claim to his stuff. 1)Call his family and tell them to come get his crap out of the house. Or 2) pack up everything and put it in boxes on the porch or in the garage. If you don't want to leave the house, get a friend or a family member to come stay with you. And, keep your phone handy, close by just incase you need to call 911. Don't even think twice about calling if you feel threatened or scared! Better safe than sorry!
Author heartbrokeninohio Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 His message was not good and changing the locks maybe good. I would suggest saying something since you two had lived together. I know it is your house but my concern is since you two played house. He still has a legal claim to his stuff. Oh I won't deny him his stuff and I told him via text he could get his stuff whenever. I am not going to destroy anything that is just not in my nature...I just want him out of my life....and if he makes a scene based on ohio laws which I'm pretty well versed in. I've blocked his mac addresses for his computers on my router and changed the major password on it...his life will be a living hell ..nothing like ticking off a redhead is all I can say...I know I still have a bit of anger raging but its my house not like he's paying for the internet ...I am and if he wants it ..no way i'm going to be letting an install person in here for him to get his own. at worst I'll have to put up with him for a month..3 days for that notice...and a month for it to get to court at worst.
Author heartbrokeninohio Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 1)Call his family and tell them to come get his crap out of the house. Or 2) pack up everything and put it in boxes on the porch or in the garage. If you don't want to leave the house, get a friend or a family member to come stay with you. And, keep your phone handy, close by just incase you need to call 911. Don't even think twice about calling if you feel threatened or scared! Better safe than sorry! He doesn't have any family in ohio or I'd have done that. I called one of my daughters friends who is like a son to me to ask him to help me out. He was over the night before with my kids for dinner and said I knew something was up..just couldn't put a finger on it...we figured you were upset about your sister losing her father in law last week and that you couldn't travel to canada to be with her because mark had school. My sister and i are very close and it will be eons before she gets wind of any of this..just so much going on in her world right now.
Woman In Blue Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Wow - a lying, cheating loser who lets women support him and he can't get it up without Cialis. I'm amazed you're letting this prize go. If you're broadcasting a wireless internet signal, be SURE to encrypt it so he can't glom onto that with his wireless NIC. A MAC address doesn't mean squat if your wireless signal isn't secure. If you're stuck with Freddie the Freeloader for another month, don't do ANY food shopping - keep NOTHING in the house. Inconvenient as hell for you, but why should you supply this jerkoff with food? I'd also call the cable company and ask them to dummy your cable package down to the 'flat' basic package that only gives you like 26 channels. After he leaves, bring your service back up to whatever channel package you had. Please don't tell me you've provided Mr. Waste of Skin with a cell phone? If you did, cancel it immediately. Paying the cancellation fee is still much more desirable than giving him a cell phone and PAYING for it. Have you got a couple of obnoxious teenagers who want to move in for the month with their Aunt? They can bring the special drama that only teenagers can bring - and sleep in the spare bedrooms and/or on the couch. Guess that means the lying butt-munch will have to camp out on the garage floor (when he's not trying to make his brain stop bleeding from the yelling and screaming of your charming houseguests). Too bad, so sad. It would cost loser boy money to bring litigation against you for wrongful eviction if you DON'T give him a month to find a new place. Since he can't seem to spend a DIME where you're concerned, do you really think he has the ambition to do that? What a loser.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I'm so worried about him becoming violent tomorrow when he tries to just come back here...he's that selfish and self centered that he will odds are be trying that approach. Ohio, I'm still Stuck on this last portion of your OP. How on earth are you going to live a month with someone who has the potential of becoming violent?? (I think many have the 'potential' anyway). Why stick around to find out?? You know in the state I live in, you can't even get a squatter out in a month. My son has had some unsavory/unwanted people in his home from time to time. He either puts their things on a pallet in the driveway or in a few instances, rented a storage. Then changes the lock. Over here there is "PS- Public Storage" $1.00 for the first month. I'm thinking he knows he was able to talk himself into your good graces before, and is waiting to come back and try for some convincing excuses. I can't see much peace or Control on your part - once he comes back into your house.
Goldenspoon Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 First, you need to get yourself tested for STDs and HIV. Second, he obviously doesn't respect you AT ALL. Why are disrespecting yourself too to be with someone like him?
Author heartbrokeninohio Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 First, you need to get yourself tested for STDs and HIV. Second, he obviously doesn't respect you AT ALL. Why are disrespecting yourself too to be with someone like him? Oh I'm not and we finally had phone contact and even the married woman lisa from highschool got a piece of mine via facebook email. He actually knows my kids and was probably fearing my sons esp and I have a lot of them since as my daughter was growing up I was the house where they always hung out and they all call me mommy. He is going to a friends tonight and taking the day off tomorrow to look for a place and you best believe it...he won't admit he slept with her over the 4 day period and can't produce the unused cialis...brought it for a friend excuse he gets really angry because let me tell you I lost count of the phone calls when I cussed at him that he should have thought about this before doing it. I told him I'm not going to change my mind its over sorry for his luck sometimes decisions you make it life have serious consequences. and I'm gone from his life removed him as a friend ...will never ever even answer an email from him and ladies I'm going to make a huge move and its not rash really. I was born in Canada and I've been here for 14years but I'm going to sell my house and move back home. My mom is 80 so that will make her really happy. I just think over 400miles away will be better for me though he makes me sick anyway and I told him that. I was sorry but I loved you with my heart and soul and now the thought of you naked near me makes me want to vomit...not to mention I'm a mild germaphobe and I'd never let you touch me again ever! The last conversation he was I understand blah blah but I know shopping he won't be doing in my neighborhood he can't afford to live in it.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) Be there when he moves his things out, And not trips.. a one time move. And change the locks afterward. Less chance of theft that way. Edited March 7, 2011 by desertIslandCactus
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