kellzie Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I don't have time for a real relationship because I'm extremely busy. I go to college full time and I work part-time. I'm also a very private person, I dislike opening up to most people and I have a hard time expressing my feelings. I want the physical aspect of a relationship, but without the emotional ties. However, I'm not fond of "one night stands" nor have I ever had one. Therefore, it would only seem fitting for me to be involved with a guy who is already committed. I am 23 and "Jim" is 30. He has been dating his girl friend for almost a year. She is average looking and closer to his age. She also works out of state and is away for the entire week; they only see each other some weekends. Therefore, I see Jim primarily week days and we have little to no contact on weekends. When we first started seeing each other, Jim stated that him and his girl friend are on the rocks and he thinks she is cheating on him. He talks to me about her very openly, but he mainly complains that she is not that great in bed. He tells me about how I'm more attractive and he enjoys being with me. We have to sneak around during week days in order to avoid people who may suspect him of cheating. Sometimes it gets very irritating, considering we don't usually go out because of this... which is expected. I do have feelings for Jim. I care about him and I miss being around him. However, I feel like the only driving reason to why I like him is because of the thrill of it all. I think I could eventually open up to him but when I'm not so busy and have time for a real relationship. Right now I'm afraid that things may go sour with his relationship, and he might turn to me and want to be with me instead... when this is not ultimately what I want. We both agreed that we wouldn't get attached, but isn't that almost impossible? I'm already in a routine with him, I miss him when he's not around, and sometimes I think about my future and having him involved in it. However, I know we could never be together, especially since he could easily do what he's done with his current girl friend to me with another girl. :\ This is all very confusing to me. I was wondering if anyone had any similar stories, and how they dealt with all of these things? Maybe things to expect if this ends up going on for a long period of time? Thank you.
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Do you know how many single men would love no strings attached sex? Don't want committment, don't want to talk or truly get to know the person they're havings sex with. Just fun and it is what it is.. Just so you know.. I think I could eventually open up to him but when I'm not so busy and have time for a real relationship. See, you changed the rules. You went in knowing this guy was married and you didn't want anything serious. Feelings now have developed, you're attached and wanting more..wanting to open up more. The thing is, he's MARRIED and as you know by the sneaking around, not going out in public, its' just an affair and nothing more is going to come of it. Either accept things as they are and enjoy it, or walk away if you want more from him. I suspect it's time to end it..
OWoman Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Do you know how many single men would love no strings attached sex? Don't want committment, don't want to talk or truly get to know the person they're havings sex with. Just fun and it is what it is.. Just so you know.. Sure, if you're prepared to drop your standards and shag any old loser... I do have feelings for Jim. I care about him and I miss being around him.... We both agreed that we wouldn't get attached, but isn't that almost impossible? It isn't impossible - but it is for you, since you've already crossed that line. You have feelings for him, you care for him and you miss him. You're attached. It's too late - that bus left the depot hours ago.
findingnemo Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I don't have time for a real relationship because I'm extremely busy. I go to college full time and I work part-time. I'm also a very private person, I dislike opening up to most people and I have a hard time expressing my feelings. I want the physical aspect of a relationship, but without the emotional ties. However, I'm not fond of "one night stands" nor have I ever had one. Therefore, it would only seem fitting for me to be involved with a guy who is already committed. I am 23 and "Jim" is 30. He has been dating his girl friend for almost a year. She is average looking and closer to his age. She also works out of state and is away for the entire week; they only see each other some weekends. Therefore, I see Jim primarily week days and we have little to no contact on weekends. When we first started seeing each other, Jim stated that him and his girl friend are on the rocks and he thinks she is cheating on him. He talks to me about her very openly, but he mainly complains that she is not that great in bed. He tells me about how I'm more attractive and he enjoys being with me. We have to sneak around during week days in order to avoid people who may suspect him of cheating. Sometimes it gets very irritating, considering we don't usually go out because of this... which is expected. I do have feelings for Jim. I care about him and I miss being around him. However, I feel like the only driving reason to why I like him is because of the thrill of it all. I think I could eventually open up to him but when I'm not so busy and have time for a real relationship. Right now I'm afraid that things may go sour with his relationship, and he might turn to me and want to be with me instead... when this is not ultimately what I want. We both agreed that we wouldn't get attached, but isn't that almost impossible? I'm already in a routine with him, I miss him when he's not around, and sometimes I think about my future and having him involved in it. However, I know we could never be together, especially since he could easily do what he's done with his current girl friend to me with another girl. :\ This is all very confusing to me. I was wondering if anyone had any similar stories, and how they dealt with all of these things? Maybe things to expect if this ends up going on for a long period of time? Thank you. Hi Kellzie, What to expect???? Read your own post, you changed at some point. Your heart began to "feel". The reasons you give for not wanting a full-time R sound shallow to me. Who says you can't schedule a full time R to allow you to work and go to school too? Women are mothers (to their kids and Hs), run their own businesses and are lovers too. Life (especially after college) is comprised of several "full-time" roles. You have two options: 1) Cut and run NOW. 2) Congratulations - you are falling in love. Any more time spent in this R and you will have to accept that you want something more. I would caution you to please read the posts in this forum to get an idea of what to expect as an OW, or as the main dish if you decide to bump off the g/f. I'm curious: What made you think that you can "postpone" love until you are done with school?
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