Can't figure out this girl's interest level

March 8, 2011

Yeah, your beating a dead horse! No matter how busy, if she is really into you she'll make time. I had this happen to me also. A waste of time and money:(

March 8, 2011

Don't bring up that last conversation. Just ask her if she's interested in something long term, or just seeing where it goes or what.

March 8, 2011

See, the thing is, it's not like we're "directly" speaking to each other. I can never seem to catch her on the phone, so our chatting is always through text messages. If she wasn't interested, I think she would just say so via text.

I do, however, believe that I'm not at the top of her priorities. Whether that means she's dating other guys (and probably likes one of them) or that she's just busy, I don't know.

Miller, do not say anything else until you hear from her next which, hopefully, will be Friday.

As I said, some women just have a hard time rejecting some guys directly. They do a lot of things to send the message without saying outright that they are not interested.

It would be great if she is just shy or something but I suspect that her interest is low and she is not interested in a romantic way. Time will tell.

Whatever you do, do not let your mouth or your texting fingers become too active from now until Friday. You don't want to come off as a whiner or complainer. You have to be associated with pleasant feelings in some form or another.

March 8, 2011

She isn't interested. I haven't read this entire thread, but for me the most telling thing was when she cancelled seeing that movie with you right before the scheduled date because her mom was in town. That excuse is a little hard to believe - wouldn't she have known more than one day ahead of time that her mom was coming into town? Also, why didn't she call instead of texting to tell you that her mom was coming into town? I bet that she texted you because it would be less of a hassle for her to lie to you.

March 8, 2011

She isn't interested. I haven't read this entire thread, but for me the most telling thing was when she cancelled seeing that movie with you right before the scheduled date because her mom was in town. That excuse is a little hard to believe - wouldn't she have known more than one day ahead of time that her mom was coming into town? Also, why didn't she call instead of texting to tell you that her mom was coming into town? I bet that she texted you because it would be less of a hassle for her to lie to you.

See, I keep going back and forth, thinking she's interested, then feeling she's not. She didn't cancel the 3rd date (movie date), she rescheduled... twice. "Can we do it Thursday? If not, I'll tell my mom I have plans." "You're busy Thursday? I'm off Sunday." Also, her family only lives about an hour and a half away in a small town. It wouldn't be unheard of if her Mom came into the city. It's not like she would be making a trip out of it.

After talking this over with a few females... most of them say that when a woman uses family as an excuse (she's used family as an excuse a lot now), they're lying.

Part of me wants to cancel this date.

March 8, 2011

Being "shy" and "busy" at work are all excuses for not prioritizing. If she's like this at the BEGINNING of dating? Think about how she'll behave in a long term relationship?

March 8, 2011

For people just now reading this, I'll summarize where we're at:

December 16th - We're matched on eHarmony and exchange several, long emails.

1/1 - I asked her out for drinks.

1/5 - She says she's busy with work that week. She doesn't counter-offer.

1/6 - I say, "let's do drinks next week."

1/10 - She replies saying that she can't do drinks next week because of work and then the following week she won't be able to either because of a little vacation time. She's going to visit the parents. She says the Wednesday (1/19) she comes back should be a good time to meet up.

1/18 - She sends me an email saying she can't meet up that Wednesday because of work and that she's working 6 days straight, so it will be tough to meet up. She says she'll get back to me.

1/29 - She asks me what I'm doing on Saturday (2/5). I'm busy because of work.

1/31 - She says she's looking forward to meeting up. She asks about the following Wednesday (2/9). I reply and say that is a great night to meet up. We set up a location and time for 2/9.

2/8 - She emails me this "I know this is late notice, but I had to come in to work tonight & I haven't had time to email you until now. My schedule gets changed a lot depending on the amount of scheduled surgeries & patients etc. Anyway, I need to reschedule our plans.. Could we meet next Thursday (2/17), same place & time? I understand if that Thurs doesn't work for you, just let me know of another night. I hope you don't think I'm a total sketch."

2/9 - I call her out on her flaky behavior and say, we'll talk soon. She replies thinking I'm angry... apologizes and gives me her cell number to text her.

2/17 - We meet up... date goes okay I guess.

2/21 - I call. No answer. She texts back a few hours later saying she has a good time. We setup a date for 2/24.

2/24 - Second date. Dinner and bowling. Date goes fantastic... or I thought. Kiss her on the cheek.

2/26 -I call her. No answer. She texts back. I ask her if she wants to go see a movie. She says Monday (2/28) is good.

2/27 - She reschedules because her mom is in town. We changes the date to Thursday, but I'm busy. She asks for Sunday (3/6).

3/4 - I have to work overtime on 3/6, so I ask if we could do the date later that day. She says she already has plans with family. No counter-offer. I ask what her schedule is... no reply.

3/6 - I call her that night. She replies back. I call her out on her "flaky" behavior and how she hasn't replied to my text. She says she's interested.

3/7 - She asks me to the Zoo on 3/11.

March 8, 2011

Just a couple thoughts

-Miller, man. That looks like a LOT OF WORK with it not going much anywhere. I'm not even talking bedroom. I'm talking just knowing where each person is at in the "relationship." Even if she's shy, I think that's a bad sign that maybe it just isn't the best "romantic fit" for either of you guys. I've been there. I know about it. It should be natural -- the communication, the sparks. I just don't see it jumping out at me on text, and in real life, you know better than any of us. From my end, it just doesn't add up and bold well for this relationship to work out romantically.

-Ease up. I agree with Sabali. Don't contact her much until the date Friday. Don't come across looking pushy, demanding, or worse, creepy and clingy. A woman should associate positive feelings when you come into their mind. Once she sees you in a really bad light, you'll never make it to the other side. As you well know, unlike Hollywood, men don't get second chances in real life

-You are waaaay too worried about this. Don't forget what Jesus instructed: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:27, 33-34

Can I ask if you have talked to God and prayed to Him about this woman? To be quite honest, I think the best thing you could do is worry less about asking strangers here "what do you make of x? y?" or worry about her, and spend that time in prayer and meditation on God's word. I had to learn this the hard way. Trust me. I got rejected by 3 Christian woman in one year. You know how difficult that's been, and what it's taught me? It's taught me to always put God first, second and third. The woman can come fourth. Trust me, best lesson I can share with a fellow Christian is just that. So many times we turn to our fellow man because it's direct, tangible and instant. What we really need to do is humble ourselves before God and give all our worries, anxieties, burdens and lay them before the cross.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you Psalms 55:22

March 8, 2011

She isn't interested. I haven't read this entire thread, but for me the most telling thing was when she cancelled seeing that movie with you right before the scheduled date because her mom was in town. That excuse is a little hard to believe - wouldn't she have known more than one day ahead of time that her mom was coming into town? Also, why didn't she call instead of texting to tell you that her mom was coming into town? I bet that she texted you because it would be less of a hassle for her to lie to you.

Yes. His calls have been answered with texts. If she was really interested like she claimed, she would have addressed his concerns with an actual call verbalizing sincerity. It is easier to send the text.

Miller, don't cancel. You should see this through for reasons I won't go into. By see this through I mean that you have to move on if she cancels the zoo plan and definitively recognize her behavior as one of low interest. I think your timeline in your above post says it all. In any event, you've made a commitment and you should stick to it. Let her be the flake.

March 8, 2011

Miller, man. That looks like a LOT OF WORK with it not going much anywhere. I'm not even talking bedroom. I'm talking just knowing where each person is at in the "relationship." Even if she's shy, I think that's a bad sign that maybe it just isn't the best "romantic fit" for either of you guys. I've been there. I know about it. It should be natural -- the communication, the sparks. I just don't see it jumping out at me on text, and in real life, you know better than any of us. From my end, it just doesn't add up and bold well for this relationship to work out romantically.

It's been way too much work in my opinion. It wasn't until I actually wrote the timeline that I realized it. A relationship shouldn't take work in the beginning... it should just happen. Everything should just be there. Trust me, I don't feel like I'm totally into this girl, but I did see potential. I had a good time with her the second night. But who knows, maybe she feels like she has to continue because I paid for the first two dates.

Ease up. I agree with Sabali. Don't contact her much until the date Friday. Don't come across looking pushy, demanding, or worse, creepy and clingy. A woman should associate positive feelings when you come into their mind. Once she sees you in a really bad light, you'll never make it to the other side. As you well know, unlike Hollywood, men don't get second chances in real life

I'm not going to say anything else to her. And trust me, after my last few relationships, I've learned that chasing girls and telling them you love them so much and that they mean the world to you doesn't work at all. Only in the movies...

You are waaaay too worried about this. Don't forget what Jesus instructed: Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ... But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:27, 33-34

Can I ask if you have talked to God and prayed to Him about this woman? To be quite honest, I think the best thing you could do is worry less about asking strangers here "what do you make of x? y?" or worry about her, and spend that time in prayer and meditation on God's word. I had to learn this the hard way. Trust me. I got rejected by 3 Christian woman in one year. You know how difficult that's been, and what it's taught me? It's taught me to always put God first, second and third. The woman can come fourth. Trust me, best lesson I can share with a fellow Christian is just that. So many times we turn to our fellow man because it's direct, tangible and instant. What we really need to do is humble ourselves before God and give all our worries, anxieties, burdens and lay them before the cross.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you Psalms 55:22

Yes, I've spoken to God a lot more than usual over the past several months. Everything seemed to be in order... I was feeling better about things, but now I'm not so sure. I may not be as ready for dating as I thought. This situation actually scares me even more about getting back out there.

March 8, 2011

Yes. His calls have been answered with texts. If she was really interested like she claimed, she would have addressed his concerns with an actual call verbalizing sincerity. It is easier to send the text.

Miller, don't cancel. You should see this through for reasons I won't go into. By see this through I mean that you have to move on if she cancels the zoo plan and definitively recognize her behavior as one of low interest. I think your timeline in your above post says it all. In any event, you've made a commitment and you should stick to it. Let her be the flake.

Oh, trust me, if she cancels, that's it. Still, part of me doesn't want to even go to this date because it's got me "thinking" and "worrying" too much. With all those emotions on my mind, I think that I'm setting myself up for failure. If she's below 50% and I go out there worried, there ain't no coming back.

March 8, 2011

I wonder if it might be in my best interest to back away from this chick... somehow bringing up the notion of "being friends." Honestly, at this point I don't see this going anywhere and I don't want to waste my time on a girl who doesn't have that romantic interest in me.

March 8, 2011

I wonder if it might be in my best interest to back away from this chick... somehow bringing up the notion of "being friends." Honestly, at this point I don't see this going anywhere and I don't want to waste my time on a girl who doesn't have that romantic interest in me.

You answered your own question:) But there is no harm in going out with her again if you had fun the previous time? Just realize that it's not going to be romantic. Like the previous commenter said, let her flake out!

March 8, 2011

I wonder if it might be in my best interest to back away from this chick... somehow bringing up the notion of "being friends." Honestly, at this point I don't see this going anywhere and I don't want to waste my time on a girl who doesn't have that romantic interest in me.

This is what I'm totally thinking now. What is the best way to approach this... I believe that Sabali has been right all along that she's clearly not interested in a romantic way. How do I turn the tables? She could end up being a good friend.

March 8, 2011

This is what I'm totally thinking now. What is the best way to approach this... I believe that Sabali has been right all along that she's clearly not interested in a romantic way. How do I turn the tables? She could end up being a good friend.

Why would you even want her as a friend? She's been leading you on, knowing full well that you like her even though she doesn't seem to reciprocate, and she is doing this without any regard for your feelings. I don't think that is how a friend would treat another friend.

What would be the point of being her friend? If you were doing that to possibly get with one of her friends, don't be surprised if she tells her friends that you are a "nice guy" or that she was not romantically attracted to you - that information will definitely not help you get with most of her friends.

March 9, 2011

From a female's perspective OP, she's interested in you. If she wasn't, she would have never agreed to drinks in the first place when you asked her and she sure wouldn't have gone out of her way to reschedule all of these times if she didn't like you and wanted to give you the brush off. I don't think her interest level is even as low as you think because if it was, she wouldn't bother with the dates in the first place. She'd just keep rescheduling and rescheduling until something came of something with one of the other guys in her life or her feelings changed, etc.

I do get the feeling though that she is really busy and the two of you don't have a reliable means of communication. It seems like when you text her or call her she doesn't readily respond. I'd suggest going on the date and when you do ask her about her schedule and what would be the best time and way to get in contact with her. Also, ask her if she thinks she has time for a relationship, if she is looking for a relationship, etc.

If she wasn't interested, she really wouldn't have assured you she was.

March 11, 2011

Hahaha, wow. So the date was set-up for today at 1:30pm. I get a text this morning from her.

Her: It's going to be really cold today. Should we reschedule?

Me: The weather says it'll be in the 50's.

Her: too cold for me.

Me: So what are we doing then?

Her: We can go to lunch somewhere. Let's go to this place called ____. It's suppose to be good.

Her: or idk, we can always meet another day. I just have friends coming in tonight and I know you work weekends. I work the same days next week. I know I want to see you again, so it doesn't matter when it is to me really.

Me: Hey, it's totally cool. Don't worry about it. I got a lot going on with the move coming up and I'm planning my spring break trip. Give me a call next week and we'll see what's up. I trust you'll make it up to me.

Her: Ok good

Number deleted. Best of luck to you, Girly.

March 11, 2011

Of course, this is not unexpected for us, Miller. It is good that we beat this thing to death to cover some important things when it comes to pursuing a woman.

Generally, it can be bad to over-analyze things but there are patterns of behavior that should be respected when it comes to dating. This is not really overanalyzing as much as it is recognizing the patterns. Some of the things Baby Cakes was doing can be confusing for some but we have to focus on the overall pattern of her behavior. You outlined her pattern of behavior very well in your timeline. A woman who is interested in a man just won't follow that sort of pattern. Yes, there are very rare exceptions but don't live by that idea because it will only make you frustrated and bitter.

Do not contact her anymore, Miller. She will contact you sometime in the future but realize that the results will eventually be the same. If you decided to re-establish contact with her, make sure you are ready to fully accept a platonic relationship with her and blow off any advances she may try to make outside of a platonic relationship.

March 11, 2011

Do not contact her anymore, Miller. She will contact you sometime in the future but realize that the results will eventually be the same. If you decided to re-establish contact with her, make sure you are ready to fully accept a platonic relationship with her and blow off any advances she may try to make outside of a platonic relationship.

No need to worry about that, her number's been deleted. I suspect that I will hear from her in a few weeks as well. When the time comes, I'll make the decision on whether or not I choose to accept or ignore her contact.

Funny thing is: it's in the 50's and the sun is shining. It's a beautiful day outside. Not cold at all.

March 11, 2011

Hahaha, wow. So the date was set-up for today at 1:30pm. I get a text this morning from her.

Her: It's going to be really cold today. Should we reschedule?
Me: The weather says it'll be in the 50's.
Her: too cold for me.
Me: So what are we doing then?
Her: We can go to lunch somewhere. Let's go to this place called ____. It's suppose to be good.
Her: or idk, we can always meet another day. I just have friends coming in tonight and I know you work weekends. I work the same days next week. I know I want to see you again, so it doesn't matter when it is to me really.
Me: Hey, it's totally cool. Don't worry about it. I got a lot going on with the move coming up and I'm planning my spring break trip. Give me a call next week and we'll see what's up. I trust you'll make it up to me.
Her: Ok good

Number deleted. Best of luck to you, Girly.

Miller, no surprise. I've posted to my e-friends about girl x a lot too. Whenever they told me the red flags and told me to move on, I ignored them and said no it can STILL work out.

Often we're blinded or not so great judgment when it happens directly to us.

To an outsider though, the red flags are clear.

You did the best thing. Deleted her number, cut your losses. It was just too much work for it to ever work out.

March 11, 2011

This experience tells me two things.

1) I'm clearly not ready to get back into the wild world of dating. I'm still a bit too emotional from my breakup and that isn't a good sign. I tend to Over-analyze things to begin with; so add in a recent (bad) breakup and the craziness that is dating... That spells disaster.

2) This is why I stayed in a relationship for so long. Lol. After this, I honestly am not looking forward to dating anymore. I don't have the patience or energy for it. It's all games, time, money, and effort; and I feel like it always ends up fading anyway. You get your hopes up for nothing. Oh well.

March 11, 2011

This experience tells me two things.

1) I'm clearly not ready to get back into the wild world of dating. I'm still a bit too emotional from my breakup and that isn't a good sign. I tend to Over-analyze things to begin with; so add in a recent (bad) breakup and the craziness that is dating... That spells disaster.
2) This is why I stayed in a relationship for so long. Lol. After this, I honestly am not looking forward to dating anymore. I don't have the patience or energy for it. It's all games, time, money, and effort; and I feel like it always ends up fading anyway. You get your hopes up for nothing. Oh well.

I just wanna end this thread by encouraging you Miller to take your time, and leave it all in God's hand. He will take care of your relationship end. All the best.

March 11, 2011

I guess I don't understand. Why didn't you go to lunch with her instead of the zoo when she suggested it? The cold wasn't just an excuse if she offered an immediate substitution. She wanted to be with you.

I think she's interested, but shy. And the restaurant offer, followed up by the idk, we could reschedule wasn't blowing you off, but trying overhard to be considerate.

The problem as I see it, is that you haven't TALKED enough. In understand busy, but this is rediculous. Because you haven't talked, you don't have a feel for each other, you aren't getting feedback, so you are hyper analyzing texts. I understand, I really do. But it wasn't working.

You could have supplemented the dates with phone calls, use the texts to set up a time to call. "Hey, I'd like to talk to you, if only to say good morning...give me a call on your way home." Or: "Got 10 minutes sometime tomorrow. Let me know, I'd like to give you a call."

Everyone has time for a 5 or 10 minute call, and if it's awkward, you know. If it isn't it could last longer and help you really get to know one another.

I guess it's too late now, but in the future, don't rely on texts, push for IRL interaction, calls, IMs (not so good but better than texts), as well as dates.

Good luck to you. You sound like a pretty decent person.

March 11, 2011

I guess I don't understand. Why didn't you go to lunch with her instead of the zoo when she suggested it? The cold wasn't just an excuse if she offered an immediate substitution. She wanted to be with you.

Because as soon as she mentioned something about rescheduling, I just didn't feel like going out with her anymore. I was expecting this. And it wasn't even cold today. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining in the late 50's. Perfect day for the Zoo.

Also... this is the 3rd time she's "officially" flaked on me. 3 strikes and your out, especially this early on.

I think she's interested, but shy. And the restaurant offer, followed up by the idk, we could reschedule wasn't blowing you off, but trying overhard to be considerate.

You could be right, but this just isn't the type of girl I want to spend my time with. I want a girl who would say something like this, "Alright. It's too cold to go to the Zoo today. I don't want to cancel plans with you, so what do you say about a movie at my place?" I feel like the meeting up for lunch thing was an easy cop out because right now I'm living an hour away and she knows that. I'm not going to drive an hour for a 30-minute lunch. Sorry, not gonna happen.

The problem as I see it, is that you haven't TALKED enough. In understand busy, but this is ridiculous. Because you haven't talked, you don't have a feel for each other, you aren't getting feedback, so you are hyper analyzing texts. I understand, I really do. But it wasn't working.

You could have supplemented the dates with phone calls, use the texts to set up a time to call. "Hey, I'd like to talk to you, if only to say good morning...give me a call on your way home." Or: "Got 10 minutes sometime tomorrow. Let me know, I'd like to give you a call."

Everyone has time for a 5 or 10 minute call, and if it's awkward, you know. If it isn't it could last longer and help you really get to know one another.

I guess it's too late now, but in the future, don't rely on texts, push for IRL interaction, calls, IMs (not so good but better than texts), as well as dates.

Good luck to you. You sound like a pretty decent person.

Every time I've called her, no answer. She never calls back, but texts back.

I'm thinking this girl is a shy woman who doesn't have a lot of experience with relationships.

Or she's a nice girl who clearly has no interest and she's just trying to let me down the nicest way possible.

March 13, 2011

thanks mmiller for posting your experience in the dating world. I am about to re-enter this for the first time as an adult and this has been very valuable to me. Best of luck in the future. She sounds like a total flake by the way, needless to say you better of alone for now=/

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Can't figure out this girl's interest level

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