Can't figure out this girl's interest level

[JungleLover]

I'm calling her out on her flaky behavior. I'm not gonna stand for it anymore.

 

"We're both busy people. Understandable. But I sent you a text the other night and you totally disregarded it... if you're not interested, just let me know."

 

 

Ouch! You cracked and now she will feel justified in blowing you off. Do you really need for her to tell you that she is not interested? All of the signs were there.

[Teknoe]

no miller no!

 

I was reading this whole thread for the first time... you were doing so great being a gentleman and everything I couldn't help but root for ya. In fact I was going to reply mid-way through reading this topic "For what it's worth, I'm pulling for ya miller!"

 

Your last reply killed it for me though. Total overreaction, man! It will put you in "jerk" mode with her, and you'll kill whatever chances you had with her.

 

Well, nevertheless, keep us updated. I know sometimes being "nice" sucks and you just want to be assertive and a straight shooter, but in this context, wrong move at the wrong time.

 

I'll give you a real life example from my own experience. I had this girl friend, really enjoy her company. Sent her a text and email to which she never replied. It was odd, but I understood, considering she recently got a boyfriend. However, I did hurt her by being sarcastic one night. It drove a wedge in our friendship. After she didn't reply to my text and email, I was SO tempted to email her and ask her what gives?

 

Basically, come off looking like a sourpuss.

 

But I never mentioned it. Instead, I simply emailed her asking if we could meet up to exchange items we loaned once upon a time ago.

 

She responded within 10 minutes. We met up later that week, and it was like we never missed a beat. Now I'm laying low, giving her space with her BF, but knowing our friendship is in good standing. If I had emailed her and "blew up" at her, I probably would have killed the friendship.

 

It's all about tact and grace, man. Always be tactful and graceful, especially to women. Even when they maybe don't deserve it.

 

All the best, miller.

[mmiller5373]

I really don't get why I get all these replies saying that I'm over-reacting. My belief is, If you're not interested, there's no point in continuing the "dating game" and there's definitely no need to say things like, "I had a good time" or "can we move our date to Thursday night, if you can't, I'll tell my Mom I can't make it. No? Okay, how about Sunday?" <---- especially since most of conversations have been through text. Texting is the easiest way to say that you're not interested, especially if you're a coward. If she wasn't interested she would have said, "hey, my mom's coming into town, can we move our date to a later time?" to which my reply would be "Sure, when you free again?" And her reply would be, "I have to work this weekend, let me get back to you when next week's schedule comes out." Then I wouldn't hear from her again. Am I right here?

 

Regarding this text, "We're both busy people. Understandable. But I sent you a text the other night and you totally disregarded it... if you're not interested, just let me know." I'm not going to play games with this girl. That's why I sent this message. I don't think it's mean or crazy, like some of you have said.

 

Here's her reply, "I'm definitely interested! I just didn't want to make plans with you yet because I may be going back home for the week. Though, I'm not sure yet."

 

Okay, back to square one. I don't understand this girl. She should have just replied to my message from Friday to tell me that. I don't care how busy you are... everybody has 5 seconds to reply to a text. Time to move on.

[oaks]

My belief is, If you're not interested, there's no point in continuing the "dating game"

 

It's not that she's uninterested. She's just not very interested.

 

Tiger20 can probably tell you that as a percentage.

[SmileFace]

It's not that she's uninterested. She's just not very interested.

 

Tiger20 can probably tell you that as a percentage.

:lmao: I am no Tiger but I can say she is around 67% not interested. That is if he only contacts her twice a week and refrains from sex.

[mmiller5373]

Miller, of course, there is an exception to almost everything. My thought is that if you operate in the dating world by the hopes of exceptions, you will drive yourself mad.

 

For every thing that is said and understood well when it comes to human attraction, there is someone living in some swamp who can pipe in and tell you how he or she had an experience that was different.

 

She continued texting me last night. We texted back and forth for a bit and I ended the conversation by saying, "Let me know when you figure out plans. Talk to ya soon." She said okay, she'll let me know ASAP.

 

Around 9:00 this morning, I get a text from her...

 

Her: "Your off days or Thursdays and Fridays, right?

Me: "Yeah. That's my lovely weekend lol."

Her: "Would you want to go to the Zoo Friday Afternoon?"

[KARENOH]

you're giving up way too soon.

 

wait a few days and ask her out again, if she still says no and offers nothing else to you, then give up.

 

but people have lives and sometimes we are truly busy. in my opinion, she's doing it right... who wants to date someone who is always completely available?

[oaks]

Her: "Would you want to go to the Zoo Friday Afternoon?"

 

Sounds like I was wrong. Enjoy the zoo!

[elaina]

Miller, men don't "leave the ball" in a woman's court. We control the ball at all times.

 

 

Lol that's funny

[elaina]

She continued texting me last night. We texted back and forth for a bit and I ended the conversation by saying, "Let me know when you figure out plans. Talk to ya soon." She said okay, she'll let me know ASAP.

 

Around 9:00 this morning, I get a text from her...

 

Her: "Your off days or Thursdays and Fridays, right?

Me: "Yeah. That's my lovely weekend lol."

Her: "Would you want to go to the Zoo Friday Afternoon?"

 

 

Are you going?

[mmiller5373]

I'll be picking her up at her place at 1:30 on Friday. Hopefully I can read her interest from this 3rd date.

 

I think this girl is a bit shy...

[GivenUp0083]

Go with your gut feeling. None of us can decipher this for you on paper. What do you feel like is going on? Maybe you should try communicating that to her what you just told us. Tell her you're interested, but your schedules have been shaky and you just want to make sure she's still interested in going out again.

 

I do know one thing though, if a woman is into you, she will make SURE that her schedule is open for you.

 

My current gf found out last minute she had plans with her best friends to cook them dinner and she told me the night before we were to meet. I went to my calendar to find a date to reschedule and she responded with "too bad I had to cancel on my friends ;-)"

 

Dating and asking women out is hard on the guy's end. Women know this, and if they like you, they help you.

[Teknoe]

*applause*

 

Ok, I take it back. Way to go miller. You bucked the system. In my experience, that "put up or shut up" (not in those exact words of course) text is grounds for "what an impatient jerk, good bye!" from the woman.

 

It's refreshing to see she respected your authority and leadership as a man to actually respond without blowing up. That is definitely a good sign. I guess she is interested in you, but has naturally been busy. And like you said, she probably is shy. Maybe hasn't dated in some time so working off the rust and angst.

 

It's your call as you know her and we don't.

 

One thing I'll say too is... should we as guys overanalyze? I feel sometimes that's where we can go overboard. Instead of enjoying the moment we tend to overanalyze every little step of the dating process. I know it's human nature to do so, but I also know girls like spontaneous men, and when we overthink so much, it can affect our flow and we can base our conscious moves with her in a very robotic fashion.

 

So don't forget to stay loose, have fun and show her a good time!

 

As they say, it's Miller time.

[mmiller5373]

Go with your gut feeling. None of us can decipher this for you on paper. What do you feel like is going on? Maybe you should try communicating that to her what you just told us. Tell her you're interested, but your schedules have been shaky and you just want to make sure she's still interested in going out again.

 

I do know one thing though, if a woman is into you, she will make SURE that her schedule is open for you.

 

My current gf found out last minute she had plans with her best friends to cook them dinner and she told me the night before we were to meet. I went to my calendar to find a date to reschedule and she responded with "too bad I had to cancel on my friends ;-)"

 

Dating and asking women out is hard on the guy's end. Women know this, and if they like you, they help you.

 

I honestly don't know what's going on here. Shes made it clear that she's interested by asking me to go to the zoo.

 

You are right about making time though... On my first date with my ex, (we worked together), she called to say that she needs to bring her sister to and from work, so it will cut into our date. However, she said, "let's go get something to eat near my sisters work, take two separate cars, and after I bring her home, we can go out again..."

 

I think this chick is just really busy. Like I said, she seems a bit shy, maybe inexperienced... In our first few emails she mentioned that she hasn't had strong feelings for a guy in a very long time. She's 22. She also talked about being a really strong Christian.

[Teknoe]

I think this chick is just really busy. Like I said, she seems a bit shy, maybe inexperienced... In our first few emails she mentioned that she hasn't had strong feelings for a guy in a very long time. She's 22. She also talked about being a really strong Christian.

 

 

Ahhhhhh... I'm guessing you're not a Christian, correct? What is your religious view? Atheist? Agnostic? etc.

 

It makes more sense now. She is probably not only shy but also conservative. I know, being a Christian myself, that a HIGH priority is for your partner to share the same spiritual life. Perhaps that's a key factor in this whole "hard to read her interest level" screening. She probably likes you, but wishes you were a really strong Christian like herself.

 

I remember dating a really devout Christian 2 years ago when I was a non-believer. It affected our relationship because I wasn't Christian and that was really important to her. So I had to ask myself, if we are to work long term, realistically, I need to be open to her faith.

 

What are your personal views on Christianity, anyway? And, should you and her advance to the next level, and she invites you to church Sunday, can you see yourself going every Sunday?

[mmiller5373]

*applause*

 

Ok, I take it back. Way to go miller. You bucked the system. In my experience, that "put up or shut up" (not in those exact words of course) text is grounds for "what an impatient jerk, good bye!" from the woman.

 

It's refreshing to see she respected your authority and leadership as a man to actually respond without blowing up. That is definitely a good sign. I guess she is interested in you, but has naturally been busy. And like you said, she probably is shy. Maybe hasn't dated in some time so working off the rust and angst.

 

It's your call as you know her and we don't.

 

One thing I'll say too is... should we as guys overanalyze? I feel sometimes that's where we can go overboard. Instead of enjoying the moment we tend to overanalyze every little step of the dating process. I know it's human nature to do so, but I also know girls like spontaneous men, and when we overthink so much, it can affect our flow and we can base our conscious moves with her in a very robotic fashion.

 

So don't forget to stay loose, have fun and show her a good time!

 

As they say, it's Miller time.

 

Thanks, man. I'm a no BS kinda guy. I don't play games and honestly, I don't want to continuing spending time (or worse, over-analyzing) with somebody who doesn't know what they want or somebody who plays games.

 

This is my first venture back into the dating world after a 2.5 year failed relationship. I dated a girl who basically didn't know what she wanted and pretty much used me until she found the one for her... I was so in love with her I didn't notice / and she was an incredibly good liar. I'm not going to let that happen again. Plain and simple. Any signs of BS or uncertainty, I'm out.

 

Could she be less than 50% interested? Yes. I'll gather more from this third date. I've done everything perfect so far. Emailed back and forth for a bit. Got her to accept a date. She flakes cause of work. I call her out. She gives me her number. We meet and it goes okay. I wait 3 days to call. No answer. Next day I text her. She agrees to a second date. I don't text her a single time until the day of the date. Tell her to dress comfortable and I bring an extra pair of socks. We go to dinner, have a few drinks, then I bring her bowling, except she's wearing flip-flops... Good thing I brought socks. We have a pitcher of beer. I walk her to her apartment and give her a kiss on the cheek - she kinda leans toward me like she wants it on the lips, but I don't give it to her. I text her the next day to say I had a good time. A few days later we make plans to go to a movie...

[mmiller5373]

Ahhhhhh... I'm guessing you're not a Christian, correct? What is your religious view? Atheist? Agnostic? etc.

 

It makes more sense now. She is probably not only shy but also conservative. I know, being a Christian myself, that a HIGH priority is for your partner to share the same spiritual life. Perhaps that's a key factor in this whole "hard to read her interest level" screening. She probably likes you, but wishes you were a really strong Christian like herself.

 

I remember dating a really devout Christian 2 years ago when I was a non-believer. It affected our relationship because I wasn't Christian and that was really important to her. So I had to ask myself, if we are to work long term, realistically, I need to be open to her faith.

 

What are your personal views on Christianity, anyway? And, should you and her advance to the next level, and she invites you to church Sunday, can you see yourself going every Sunday?

 

No, I'm a Christian. I have faith, plenty of it.

 

I could be giving her "mixed" signals too... Who knows, maybe she's not use to guys like me.

[Teknoe]

Mind if I ask how old you are? She's 22, and people mature differently, but typically, 22 year old girls are just out of (undergrad) college and they really don't know who they are or what they want. I read somewhere that women don't know who they are or what they want until about 25 or so. Of course, it varies, but that's the risk of dating a 22 year old. They're so young still that they don't completely know themselves. Give her some leeway for not knowing better how to react or handle certain situations because really, she's still a puppy.

 

Of course I've met some super mature 22 year olds, more mature than some 32 year olds I know... but generally speaking, 22 they still finding out who they are.

 

I'd guess you're no older than 25, correct?

 

And that's good you're Christian. That shouldn't be a stumbling block then. Perhaps you could attend a Sunday service together and get a nice lunch afterward, while discussing the sermon? That might be more her speed and something she'd be more comfortable doing. Plus it's what the man should do in a Christian relationship: be the spiritual leader. I know you guys are only in the early dating stages, but since you're both faithful Christians, it only makes sense to attend a service together and get something to eat afterward, while sharing your faith to help encourage one another. Iron sharpens iron

[mmiller5373]

I'm 25. I dated a girl who was figuring herself out... Not gonna do that again.

 

As for our faith, during our first few emails, I asked her about religion and her answer was this, "Religion is important to me. I'm just in a weird place right now. I'm a strong Christian, I just haven't found a church since moving into the city. But I'm working on it."

 

That's exactly where I stand as well. Weird.

Edited March 7, 2011 by mmiller5373

[Teknoe]

As for our faith, during our first few emails, I asked her about religion and her answer was this, "Religion is important to me. I'm just in a weird place right now. I'm a strong Christian, I just haven't found a church since moving into the city. But I'm working on it."

 

That's exactly where I stand as well. Weird.

 

 

Only means one thing: suggest to her to go to Church X on Day X together

[Sabali]

She continued texting me last night. We texted back and forth for a bit and I ended the conversation by saying, "Let me know when you figure out plans. Talk to ya soon." She said okay, she'll let me know ASAP.

 

Around 9:00 this morning, I get a text from her...

 

Her: "Your off days or Thursdays and Fridays, right?

Me: "Yeah. That's my lovely weekend lol."

Her: "Would you want to go to the Zoo Friday Afternoon?"

 

 

Miller, I don't want to be Debbie Downer here. I hope that I am wrong, man. I hope that you can actually,at least, get to hit it but I don't want you to become a victim of too much hope here.

 

You have to watch out for the 1:25 pm call on Friday to inform you that she was attacked by a grizzly bear while picnicking in the park on Thursday so she won't be able to make it to the zoo.

 

Some women have a hard time turning good guys down directly. Her record of flaky behavior puts her in the "proceed with caution" zone.

 

 

 

 

And don't stand too close to the baboons...they have a good throwing arm.

[Teknoe]

I hope that you can actually,at least, get to hit it but I don't want you to become a victim of too much hope here.

 

 

Um, I could be wrong, but I sure hope not, but I doubt Miller is in this to "hit it." He says she is a really strong Christian, and he says he himself is a Christian with plenty of faith. If these two are as strong as they claim to be, they will not have sex before marriage.

[Sabali]

Um, I could be wrong, but I sure hope not, but I doubt Miller is in this to "hit it." He says she is a really strong Christian, and he says he himself is a Christian with plenty of faith. If these two are as strong as they claim to be, they will not have sex before marriage.

 

I know. I was speaking metaphorically. In other words, I hope he is successful.

[mmiller5373]

Miller, I don't want to be Debbie Downer here. I hope that I am wrong, man. I hope that you can actually,at least, get to hit it but I don't want you to become a victim of too much hope here.

 

You have to watch out for the 1:25 pm call on Friday to inform you that she was attacked by a grizzly bear while picnicking in the park on Thursday so she won't be able to make it to the zoo.

 

Some women have a hard time turning good guys down directly. Her record of flaky behavior puts her in the "proceed with caution" zone.

 

 

 

 

And don't stand too close to the baboons...they have a good throwing arm.

 

See, the thing is, it's not like we're "directly" speaking to each other. I can never seem to catch her on the phone, so our chatting is always through text messages. If she wasn't interested, I think she would just say so via text.

 

I do, however, believe that I'm not at the top of her priorities. Whether that means she's dating other guys (and probably likes one of them) or that she's just busy, I don't know.

[mmiller5373]

I kinda want to ask her some questions to figure out what she's looking for... a good time? a boyfriend? a nice lay (you never know, even if she's a Christian)? Though I fear I may come off as a bit "needy" or "creepy."

 

I'm thinking, "Hey, listen, I hope I didn't come off as a jerk the other night with that text and the subsequent questions, but I'm a firm believer in honesty, and I have zero tolerance for BS or games. Honestly, I'm having a hard time figuring out what you want. And I'm usually really good at that lol. I know things were a bit shaky leading to our meet-up, so that might be throwing me off."