mmiller5373 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 -We were matched on eHarmony back in December. We wrote several long emails to each other before I asked her out for drinks. She kept saying she was busy with work... and then when she finally agreed to go out, she rescheduled our meet-up twice because work called her in (she's a nurse). -We went out for drinks and dinner about 2 weeks ago... and I think things went pretty well... though it was hard to tell because it was our first date. -A few days later I called to ask her out again and she agreed. I picked her up at her house and we went for dinner and bowling. Had a fantastic time together. I walked her up to her apartment afterwards and gave her a kiss on the cheek. -Next morning I texted her that I had a good time and would like to see her again soon. She said she had a good time too and would definitely like to get together again. We decided to go out for a movie in a few days. -The day before the movie date, she texted to reschedule because her Mom was coming into town and wanted to go to dinner with her. She told me if I couldn't reschedule for this week, then she'd tell her Mom she already has plans. I told her to go out with her Mom because family was important. She replies back, "Agreed. We could go another time then? I'm off next Sunday." So we set the movie date for Sunday. -My boss calls me today to tell me that I have to work overtime on Sunday... which ends up overlapping into my date with this girl. I tell her the situation and ask if we could meet later in the day instead. She says she already made plans later that day with her family. She doesn't say anything else about another time she's available. I can't tell if I'm beating a dead horse here. This girl's interest level is hard to pick up on. She don't call and she doesn't text much (which is weird because nowadays a lot of women will BLOW up my phone).
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Her interest level is very low. When a woman is into you, there is no question. When they turn down a date and don't suggest another always view that as a definitive sign of low interest. She has given you enough signs. The last one was the stop sign.
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 So why bother with the second date? And why accept the third?
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 You see, this is what throw guys off... The second and third date. Nothing throws a guy off more than the second and third date. A second and third date is nothing in the dating world unless you got laid on one of them and then you can at least say you got laid. A second and third date doesn't mean much as far as having a relationship with a woman months down the line. Level of interest has much more priority. Number of dates do not mean much until you are hitting double digits. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why you got a second and third date. All you did was not turn her stomach on the first date but you didn't do much to wet her between the legs. You can't get em all wet between the legs, you know?
alphamale Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I can't tell if I'm beating a dead horse here. yes thats basically what you're doing
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 -The day before the movie date, she texted to reschedule because her Mom was coming into town and wanted to go to dinner with her. She told me if I couldn't reschedule for this week, then she'd tell her Mom she already has plans. I told her to go out with her Mom because family was important. She replies back, "Agreed. We could go another time then? I'm off next Sunday." So we set the movie date for Sunday. What about this? I was thinking that since she was willing to cancel plans with her mother that that meant something.
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) What about this? I was thinking that since she was willing to cancel plans with her mother that that meant something. Come on Miller, buddy. Any decent man will decline an offer from a woman to neglect her visiting mother so she could go out on a date with him. She knew you would decline so she offered to do so which made it easier than simply canceling on you. She thinks you are a sweet guy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. That's okay. I am sure you can make it happen again elsewhere soon. The offer of a follow-up date after canceling is a much better sign that no offer at all but it doesn't put you out of the woods. You have to take this into context with the overall picture. The overall picture is this woman will not be dropping those panties for you. Edited March 5, 2011 by Sabali
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Come on Miller, buddy. Any decent man will decline an offer from a woman to neglect her visiting mother so she could go out on a date with him. She knew you would decline so she offered to do so which made it easier than simply canceling on you. She thinks you are a sweet guy and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. That's okay. I am sure you can make it happen again elsewhere soon. The offer of a follow-up date after canceling is a much better sign that no offer at all but it doesn't put you out of the woods. You have to take this into context with the overall picture. The overall picture is this woman will not be dropping those panties for you. See... that's what makes this confusing to me. If she wasn't interested, all she had to do was say, "Hey... my mom's coming into town on Monday night and she wants to go out to dinner... would you mind if I went out with her? We can do our movie night another time." And what does she do? She asks to switch it from Monday to Thursday right off the bat... and when I tell her that I'm busy on Thursday and Friday, she says, "I'm off on Sunday." She gave me three options there. We have a lot in common and unlike a lot of the other girls from dating websites... she wrote LONG emails and asked TONS of questions... I'm talking paragraphs. However, in the beginning when I started to notice that she had "flaky" behavior... I called her out on it and said, "Sorry that you've been busy with work lately... we've been going through this for a month or so and we still haven't met up. I don't know if it's bad timing, lack of interest, or nervousness to meetup, but I'm busy as well. Let me know when you get some free time. We'll talk soon." Within minutes, I received an email from her. She thought I was mad at her and she apologized for her work causing problems... stated that it's just been bad timing and that she is definitely interested... then she gave me her number and told me to text her. Point being, if she wasn't interested... why bother creating all these stories about work or family? If I wasn't interested... I just wouldn't reply to the messages. Playing games maybe?
sammyd Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Sounds like maybe she's just too busy for a relationship! I think she does sound interested, or she wouldn't have tried to reschedule. Might be tricky pinning her down to anything so to speak:)
PurpleReign Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Female perspective here. I think she is interested. As it's early in the relationship, she's probably wondering how interested you are. You are the one that had to cancel this time, maybe she thinks you should be the one to suggest the next time. When she had to cancel, she did offer another time that would work for her, so maybe she thinks the "ball is in your court". Since you didn't offer another time when you'd be able to get together, she may be thinking that you're not interested anymore. Call her and ask her out again. Really. (Let us know how it goes.)
so_mo34 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 she is probably just really busy. if she wasn't interested then she wouldn't want to go out with you..simple as that. or she would make excuses. (that's what i do when i don't want to go out or hangout with a certain guy). also if i like a guy, i rarely text him. im like scared to text him because i don't want to appear as clingy. i always let guys chase after me. that's probably what she is doing.
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 I sent her a text yesterday asking what her schedule was like this week so we could get together again... No reply so far
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 See... that's what makes this confusing to me. If she wasn't interested, all she had to do was say, "Hey... my mom's coming into town on Monday night and she wants to go out to dinner... would you mind if I went out with her? We can do our movie night another time." And what does she do? She asks to switch it from Monday to Thursday right off the bat... and when I tell her that I'm busy on Thursday and Friday, she says, "I'm off on Sunday." She gave me three options there. We have a lot in common and unlike a lot of the other girls from dating websites... she wrote LONG emails and asked TONS of questions... I'm talking paragraphs. However, in the beginning when I started to notice that she had "flaky" behavior... I called her out on it and said, "Sorry that you've been busy with work lately... we've been going through this for a month or so and we still haven't met up. I don't know if it's bad timing, lack of interest, or nervousness to meetup, but I'm busy as well. Let me know when you get some free time. We'll talk soon." Within minutes, I received an email from her. She thought I was mad at her and she apologized for her work causing problems... stated that it's just been bad timing and that she is definitely interested... then she gave me her number and told me to text her. Point being, if she wasn't interested... why bother creating all these stories about work or family? If I wasn't interested... I just wouldn't reply to the messages. Playing games maybe? Okay this is better context and considering it, I believe that her interest is low but not as low as I thought before. It is definitely not high. What is concerning is the long time it took for you guys too initially meet up and her "flaky" behavior. These are never good signs. Women who have a lot of interest in you will want to meet you and spend time with you. Period. It's like men when we first meet a woman. We will sacrifice sleep for sex for a while before get used to the woman then next thing you know, we don't want to be woken up at 3am for a BJ during an 80 hour work week. A busy work schedule works in the same manner for getting a relationship off of the ground. The whole busy schedule thing is a good cop out for someone who is not very interested in you. A busy schedule doesn't prevent getting something off of the ground. They are more often an hindrance for keeping something up in the air. She has gotten to know you a bit from the multiple email exchanges and all and believe that you are a decent person. You are definitely more of a decent man than the other losers she has met lately, especially on Eharmony but you do not excite her in the way that a woman like to be excited in a man she sexually desires and sees herself in a long-term relationship with you. This is nothing negative about you, things just didn't flame up in that manner. She thinks you are a nice, cool person but not in a romantic way so she will let you down very easily. You simply do not deserve the abrupt and heavy letdowns she would give otherwise. What I suggest in this situation is not what I would actually do, personally, in this situation. I suggest you do as suggested above and pin her down for an actual date. If the date happens, none of that kiss on the cheek at the end of the night crap. Kiss her deeply! Notice her reaction and it will tell you every thing you need to know. Best of luck.
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) I sent her a text yesterday asking what her schedule was like this week so we could get together again... No reply so far Don't send texts. It's shooting yourself in the foot. No more texts. Call her when you want something. By the way, excuse the typos in my last point but I think you get the drift. Edited March 5, 2011 by Sabali
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Don't send texts. It's shooting yourself in the foot. No more texts. Call her when you want something. By the way, excuse the typos in my last point but I think you get the drift. Alright... since no reply to the text yesterday... do I call? When?
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Alright... since no reply to the text yesterday... do I call? When? That depends. What day do you want to ask her out for? If it is for Thursday, call her tomorrow. Call when she is likely to be available to answer. Do what you damn well please. Don't address the unanswered text. Pretend like it never happened. I would always consider that someone who you send a text to can always claim that they never received it and suggest that it was somehow lost into cellular data space. Call and leave a very short message. Do not ask her out in the message. Just tell her to call you when she receives the message then hang up. When she returns the call, ask her out. If she doesn't return the call, she got your message but decided to not call you back. No. The voicemail didn't malfunction. No. The voicemail didn't get lost into cellular data space. She got the message but decided to not return the call. It happens to the best and the smoothest of operators so don't get hung up about it.
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Yeah... I've already put the ball in her court by telling her "I'd still like to get together another time... what's your schedule like this week?" I'll see how I feel by the end of the week, though I don't think there's much else I can do here. See... the thing with her is that she works 7pm-7am... and everytime I've tried calling her in the past... no answer. She usually responds to texts within a few hours. Sabali, I'm thinking you're right on this one. Her interest level just isn't that high... or she has been dating several guys and found one that she likes. I wouldn't say that I'm totally into this chick... cause I'm definitely not... but I thought we had a lot in common and saw potential. Not a big loss on my part though. It still just confuses me though. Why go through all the trouble of texting, chatting, creating stories, and setting up dates if she wasn't interested to begin with?
Sabali Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Yeah... I've already put the ball in her court by telling her "I'd still like to get together another time... what's your schedule like this week?" I'll see how I feel by the end of the week, though I don't think there's much else I can do here. See... the thing with her is that she works 7pm-7am... and everytime I've tried calling her in the past... no answer. She usually responds to texts within a few hours. Sabali, I'm thinking you're right on this one. Her interest level just isn't that high... or she has been dating several guys and found one that she likes. I wouldn't say that I'm totally into this chick... cause I'm definitely not... but I thought we had a lot in common and saw potential. Not a big loss on my part though. It still just confuses me though. Why go through all the trouble of texting, chatting, creating stories, and setting up dates if she wasn't interested to begin with? Miller, men don't "leave the ball" in a woman's court. We control the ball at all times. If she never answers her phone, that is a big red flag which goes along with the other things that have been happening here. I would drop the idea of "having things in common" with a woman. You are either compatible or not. Just because you both like tapioca pudding and walking on the beach topless doesn't mean she will be giving you handjobs for the rest of your life. Either the fire burns or it doesn't. How the hell can this happen after Eharmony showed you as 99.999% compatible with her? The whole "I thought I saw potential" is common for us guys. We see potential while the woman sees a new girlfriend that won't stop trying to screw her. I think we have decided to agree on that there was some interest but it definitely was not high. She had low interest in you at first but the sparks just didn't fly. She was hoping they would because lord knows it not easy working full-time nursing hours, especially 3rd shift and trying to find a decent man. She works while a lot of guys are sleeping and when she gets home, guys are working when she sleeps. It would have been nice if she could have just felt it for you but she didn't. It doesn't mean that you are broken or anything. If you called her and she hasn't returned your call, just move on. Don't call or text anymore. I suspect that sometime in the future she will contact you again when she feels lonely and begin to wonder about you. You will then get all excited and become confused again. You will then say "see, now I am confused again." Then a couple of weeks from that point you will still be wondering why you haven't had a chance to go down on her. Just remember, some poor sap doesn't even get this far. To him, you are living the life right now with this gal.
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 Miller, men don't "leave the ball" in a woman's court. We control the ball at all times. If she never answers her phone, that is a big red flag which goes along with the other things that have been happening here. I would drop the idea of "having things in common" with a woman. You are either compatible or not. Just because you both like tapioca pudding and walking on the beach topless doesn't mean she will be giving you handjobs for the rest of your life. Either the fire burns or it doesn't. How the hell can this happen after Eharmony showed you as 99.999% compatible with her? The whole "I thought I saw potential" is common for us guys. We see potential while the woman sees a new girlfriend that won't stop trying to screw her. I think we have decided to agree on that there was some interest but it definitely was not high. She had low interest in you at first but the sparks just didn't fly. She was hoping they would because lord knows it not easy working full-time nursing hours, especially 3rd shift and trying to find a decent man. She works while a lot of guys are sleeping and when she gets home, guys are working when she sleeps. It would have been nice if she could have just felt it for you but she didn't. It doesn't mean that you are broken or anything. If you called her and she hasn't returned your call, just move on. Don't call or text anymore. I suspect that sometime in the future she will contact you again when she feels lonely and begin to wonder about you. You will then get all excited and become confused again. You will then say "see, now I am confused again." Then a couple of weeks from that point you will still be wondering why you haven't had a chance to go down on her. Just remember, some poor sap doesn't even get this far. To him, you are living the life right now with this gal. Yeah man, like I said... It's no biggie... I didn't feel a great spark between us anyways. However, even though that spark is needed to get going, I can say that on numerous occasions I havent been attracted to a girl right off the bat... Sometimes they can grow on you. Take my ex-gf... I never thought I would have been with someone like her because she just wasn't my type. She was beautiful, yes, but I didn't fall in love with her at first sight. Assuming my text went through, there's nothing else I can do. I'm not going to play games, if she's not interested, she's not interested. I hate that she kept continuing the dates if she wasn't interested. Dating is tough on the wallet. This is also my first venture back out into the dating world after a harsh breakup 7 months ago... I kinda set myself up for failure. There's always next time.
Sabali Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Yeah man, like I said... It's no biggie... I didn't feel a great spark between us anyways. However, even though that spark is needed to get going, I can say that on numerous occasions I havent been attracted to a girl right off the bat... Sometimes they can grow on you. Take my ex-gf... I never thought I would have been with someone like her because she just wasn't my type. She was beautiful, yes, but I didn't fall in love with her at first sight. Assuming my text went through, there's nothing else I can do. I'm not going to play games, if she's not interested, she's not interested. I hate that she kept continuing the dates if she wasn't interested. Dating is tough on the wallet. This is also my first venture back out into the dating world after a harsh breakup 7 months ago... I kinda set myself up for failure. There's always next time. Miller, of course, there is an exception to almost everything. My thought is that if you operate in the dating world by the hopes of exceptions, you will drive yourself mad. For every thing that is said and understood well when it comes to human attraction, there is someone living in some swamp who can pipe in and tell you how he or she had an experience that was different. Then you go around chasing that exception and find out that it is not the rule and by the time you realize it, you are 70 years old and have never been laid. I don't mean "you" specifically but you get the idea. It is generally a bad idea to try to understand the attraction of a woman through a man eyes of attraction. How attraction works for a man is not how it works for a woman. Of course, there are generalities such as not smelling like pee and not having bad breath... When it comes to attraction, women are much more complex than men. Your text went through. Guys make me cringe when they have to call the woman or do the follow-up contact to ask if she got the message. She got the message. The only ones who are not getting the messages are the guys. Again, I thought we agreed that she did have some interest except that it was low. She was not trying to play games with you. She was hoping some sparks would fly but they just didn't. The interest just never grew. That is all. Dating is hard on the wallet. That is why I believe that if you want to date seriously, make sure you are doing the things to keep your wallet fat. Even when you are paying for yourself it can be expensive depending on how much dating you are doing. Don't beat yourself up on this one. Like I said, the smoothest of operators are even tripped up often. I think you will do well. Take it easy, man.
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 And so we continue... Lol. I decided to do what you said. I called, no answer, so I left a short "hey it's miller, give me a call." Figured that meant she was done. An hour later I get a text from her "Hey, sorry I missed your call - I'm eating with my family at my Grandparents house.. & hey, it's okay about you working overtime today. I understand!" I haven't responded yet.
Sabali Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 Okay, Miller, I have tried to close the door on this one but you keep sticking your foot in between the door and door frame so...stay a while longer. I want you to stay for just a bit more. Tell me, how do you interpret her response? In other words, placing her response into context of every thing else, what do you think of it? After you have given it written interpretation, please tell me how you plan to proceed.
Author mmiller5373 Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 I'm calling her out on her flaky behavior. I'm not gonna stand for it anymore. "We're both busy people. Understandable. But I sent you a text the other night and you totally disregarded it... if you're not interested, just let me know."
Sabali Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) I'm calling her out on her flaky behavior. I'm not gonna stand for it anymore. "We're both busy people. Understandable. But I sent you a text the other night and you totally disregarded it... if you're not interested, just let me know." Oooookaaaaayyy... first I forget to pick up my Cocoa Puffs and now this. If doing that makes you feel better, Miller... Miller, you're the one that couldn't take a hint, friend. She was only trying to let you down nicely but you wouldn't take a hint. Good luck, man. Edited March 7, 2011 by Sabali
lululucy Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Oooookaaaaayyy... first I forget to pick up my Cocoa Puffs and now this. If doing that makes you feel better, Miller... Miller, you're the one that couldn't take a hint, friend. She was only trying to let you down nicely but you wouldn't take a hint. Good luck, man. hahahah Yeah, dude, you're totally overreacting now -- she texted you back. Sometimes texts really don't go through. Now you are going to put her into "Wow, this guy is a nut" territory from "Maybe he's worth my time". Whatever gets you through the day, I guess.
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