sigurpol Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Backstory: (I've sort of posted about this person before) This girl and I met some years ago (about three?) and hit it off pretty well. We never dated, but had a lot of 'outings' together and would sometimes crash at each others places. Hooked up, but never had sex. I was in a moment of my life where I wasn't looking for anyone and was just worrying about myself (or I thought so)... which seems to be a poor habit of mine. But, after I knew that I didn't want this to progress with her, I explained exactly that. She was pretty upset with me, and we split ways. Months later, I found myself in a relationship with someone she knew and that really stirred things up. Her and I never really fought, we would see each other out, but never speak a or even look at one another. A month or so later, I was single again and was in the groove of school/work. After I kept bumping into this girl, I started thinking about her a lot more. I let the idea of me getting back in touch with her brew for about 5 months or so, before deciding to write an email saying that we should talk. She accepted my offer, we went out last fall and got a drink, talked a lot.. and slowly were talking again until we finally started dating. And it's been great. In love, we're both willing to compromise, good communication.. it's simple and easy and I feel as if I never have to worry about her. But this happens to me EVERY time, I start to feel cornered after a while. I have a packed schedule. I'm in school full time and I work about 30 hours a week. When I get home from classes, I'm kinda burned out, but I'll use the rest of my day to review/study or just relax for a bit. If it isn't that, I'm off to work till midnight, then drive back home, call her and talk about our day, then I'm in bed at 1:30-2:00 AM and I'm back up at 8AM to start it all over. I'm exhausted. For a while, I would use weekends (if I wasn't working) to spend time with her. I've explained that I feel bad that she always has to work around MY schedule (she works from afternoon to evening and has weekends off). She does a ton for me, and I've brought up that she does way too much. However, she claims she doesn't mind. But I've fallen in this spot where... I don't know... my mind is someplace else all the time, I'm feeling claustrophobic. And tonight, I texted her if she would rather do something tomorrow evening instead of tonight. We had plans tonight, but I'm burned out from writing papers and taking exams this week. I can tell she was pretty peeved that I want to move our plans to tomorrow. Rightfully so, too.
Sabali Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'll tell you what your deal is... This is simply who you are. You mostly like to not be tied down and don't want many obligations outside of the obligations that you really have to attend to such as succeed in life. The only problem is that you want somebody there when you feel that you need to "come up for air." Once you've had your air, you wish that you could just put your woman on the shelf and not have to worry about her again until you need to come up for air again. If life was only this simple. Right? You won't change but that is okay. From time to time, you may feel the pressure from society to actually settle down and have someone there all of the time but you will only continuously want to put that person on the shelf eventually. Some folks are just like this.
Author sigurpol Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 I'd say you hit the nail on the head. I guess I'm just too afraid to admit it
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Don't be afraid to admit. Admit it and begin to accept who you are. You will be much happier and fulfilled.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I'd say you hit the nail on the head. I guess I'm just too afraid to admit it Chances are if you continue on like this, you're going to hurt her. You don't seem like you can emotionally invest.
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Chances are if you continue on like this, you're going to hurt her. You don't seem like you can emotionally invest. Definitely. Op, those who are like this must operate in a specific fashion in order to avoid hurting a lot of people. It can be very tricky and the path must be laid down from the start. You didn't lay the path down from the start in the relationship so...
Author sigurpol Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 (edited) This is way late and I hope I get some... I don't know. Anything. So after what I read on here, I really tried to push things forward.. and nothing came forward. She caught on to my actions and finally got a hold of me tonight.. and came out and said that she feels like I don't want to see her. I responded and basically came out with everything I wrote on this board. How, I'm making her unhappy in general and then by acting like I'm okay, I'm just dragging her along until I feel okay again.. and it's unfair. She didn't understand and wanted examples. I gave some and explained that this happens to me a lot. That I don't want commitment and that I'm just going to make things worse if she wants to stick around... and I'm sorry. Basically that, I really wanted to make her happy. But to do that, I would have to make myself really unhappy. The conversation ended with her saying that we've been through enough as it is and that she can't be friends with somoene she's in love with. I said I understand and that I was afraid to have this conversation, but this relationship isn't going to be good for us. Ugh. Edited March 17, 2011 by sigurpol
heartshaped Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I gotta ask you, do you think you have time for a relationship? Going to school full time and working that many hours a week...well, I've done it before and it doesn't allow you much time to breathe let alone see someone. Besides that, with your obvious commitment issues, one day you'll get over that, but if it's going to this girl and now who knows.
Author sigurpol Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 That's definitely an issue. But I also looked at it as, if I AM in school full time and working a lot, I would love to spend my off days with my girlfriend, yea? If I do, (which was how I was feeling) than that's wrong. Anyway, as crappy as it was, I feel a little better that I didn't drag it out anymore and we finally talked about it. I'm still adjusting, is all.
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