DogsAreLove Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Hey everyone I'm new here so hello Hopefully someone can give me their point of view on some issues with my boyfriend. First off I'm 22, he's 21. I thought he was very mature for his age but now I'm starting to think he's more of the type of guy who acts mature but really doesn't have much of a clue. We've been together for almost a year "officially" (it's been over a year if you count when we first started seeing eachother, I don't know what this officialness means to him but whatever). I'm having 2 major issues. #1: No "i love you" yet. I've contemplated saying it first but I've had indications from him that I really shouldn't and feel I might get completely shot down if I do so I've refrained from doing so. #2: He never includes me with his friends. I went to his cottage three times in the summer and those were the only three times I actually hung out with him and his friends. I've included him in outings with my friends many times. He never includes me in his. He says it's "guys night" but here's the problem: one of the guy's girlfriends is ALWAYS THERE during "guys night". Sometimes they have "guys night" at HER house. HERE'S THE OTHER ISSUE. Me and my boyfriend live in two different suburbs, 20-30 minutes away, no big deal but I'm so busy with work and school that we see each other 1-2x a week. I don't have a problem with this but he does. I tell him if he really wants to see me more often he can visit me at work (I work at a restaurant, in a DIFFERENT suburb, 30 minutes away from me, 45 minutes away from him) and we can go out for coffee when I'm done my shift. I've gone to his house, 45 minutes away after work in the summer but I stopped when he didn't bother visiting me. And guess what? When they have "guys night" with the other guy's girlfriend and at her house .... it's right by my work. Do you think he's invited me to come? Nope. I've complained to him many times. He gives me excuses that the girlfriend just appears and they have no idea she's coming, when they have it at her house the couple is always in a fight or something really weird so I can't go after work. We almost broke up monday because he was acting weird but he explained everything and we're fine now. I saw him last night he was really sweet and I was happy I didn't break up with him. Tonight I work and he's going to his friend's house by my work. No invite. I'm tired of bringing this up to him as I feel it is demeaning to me and he should *want* me there. The thing is he's the best boyfriend ever aside from this "guys night" crap. I really don't know what to do here. Thank you if you actually read this and please any input would be greatly appreciated.
depplover_1980 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Well he has every right to have a 'guys night' and space like this a good thing for the relationship, as it gives him both the opportunity to miss you and time with his friends that makes him happy. However I can see your problem with this other girl involved, as it is an imbalance - one rule for one but not for the rest. But I believe him when he says she turns up and forces her boyfriend for her to 'join in'. It must be really embarrassing for that guy to be so controlled and in front of his mates. If you show your boyfriend you respect his space and time away from you and that you're an easy going girlfriend, then I suspect 'I love you' would follow shortly after...
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 So how many guy's night out does he have a week? I think your anger is justified. I would be upset too if I happen to date a guy for close to a year and he doesn't bother to integrate our relationship into his friendships. Also, he acts childish. I'm going to assume he knows how to drive, so I don't understand why you're the only one doing the moving and shaking. It should be a 50/50 effort. Find a way to divide the traveling or meet half way.
Eeyore79 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I'd consider leaving if there was no ILY by the one year mark - in fact personally I'd be frustrated and would consider dumping him by 6-8 months. Either he doesn't love you, or he can't express his feelings, and both things are bad. I don't see why every night he spends with his buddies is guys' night. Sure, some nights should be guys' night, but other nights should involve partners. If another girl attends guys' night, you should be welcome to also attend, at least occasionally. Or alternatively he should arrange another night where you can go out together with his friends. Even if you just go for dinner with a couple of his friends and their girlfriends, or to one of their houses for a meal or drinks - there should be at least some couples activities in there. I'm tempted to say it's a dumping offence if he carries on excluding you from his life like this - but at least have a serious talk with him before you make a decision.
USCGAviator Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Guys, especially at that age have a tendency to not "hear" what your gripes are. And if your being emotional about it, forget it he just completely shut down. If your gonna bring this up again, I would get a good poker face and let him know exactly how you feel. No riddles, and no read between the lines talk. Keep it straight and up front so there is no confusion or room for excuses.
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