Leigh 87 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I have insomnia and want to chat about the first guy I have started to " see" after 6 years without seeing any men. After a 6 year break from relationships or sex with men, I have entered a laid back and casual relationship with a guy; we like each other too much to want the other person to see other people, yet neither of us are interested in settling down long term. First of all, I know the things NOT to do in a healthy relationship; have your own life, use your partner as a way to enhance things, and do not use them to fill a void or bandaid a problem. While I know how NOT to act around guys, after embarrassing myself with my first couple of encounters with men ( after 6 years without encountering men at ALL), I AM STILL really wanting to discuss my current guy I am seeing, as I STILL feel very " new" to the dating game. My queries are mosly about how to tell ig the guy you are seeing LIKES you enough.. LOL! History; we talked online and instantly felt something towards each other ( we both liked how we sounded and were always intersted to talk more and more). We met, liked each other right away, and spent the next two weeks together, me often staying most nights at HIS house. He has not had many or ANY girlfriends really, although he has had ex enough to not be " inexperienced" with sex. He told me he has not ever really called girls terms such as " gorgeous, beautiful, princess, babe" lol! He told me I am the first girl he has called: babe", and he could not re call opther girls he had called " hey gorgeous" to on a regular basis. Some guys call the girl they are seeing " gorgeous" in the context of texts and general interaction ( for instance, when the guy says "hey" they tend to say " hey gorgeous", rather than just using their girls name) When the guy I Am seeing first started hanging out with me, he did say a fair few times that " your gorgeous" and when I was tipsy and slumped over onto his couch, he said once " your so adorable". Could it be the case that, with some guys, their style is that they just do not call girls they like " gorgeous" whenever they talk to them? Can some guys like a girl a lot, without calling them gorgeous andother such terms? Secondly, he has a life and enough friends to hang out with, so snce Uni has started, he has been busy both weekends with his friends. He wakes up in some place after drinking the previous night, and he LOVEs sleeping in very late after a late night. Does being very laid back about seeing me mean he does not miss me or need to see me? It is early days in this fledging relationship, and NEITHER of us want to use the label " boyfriend" or "girlfriend" yet, although he does consider me " his" chick. Last weekend, he went from seeing me every day, to NOT seeing me for a few days, and the VERY FIRST night he went WITHOUT seeing me, he sent me a text saying " miss u" , called me, and sent me another text sayong " wish u were here, lonley in bed". NOW, on the other hand, it is the NEXT weekend, and he has fone LONGEr wiothout seeing me, and he has NOT sent a msg saying he misses me, and has NOT called me tonight when he was out. I have a tendency to doubt that he likes me. Yet, when I am with him, he is very affectionate, loves me touching him and loves holding me, and it feels so good. Will it take a while to figure out if he truly does like me, or is it just a case of us getting to KNOW one another enough FOR him to determine how he feels? I admit that he does not know me inside out yet, and there is a lot more he has to know about me before he will truly know me well I guess.... I just doubt he likes me much for some reason lol. QUESTIONS I REALLLLLLY WANT PEOPLE TO DISCUSS WITH ME: What are signs a guy does like you and need you to be his " partner" at any given time? ( this guy likes me, thinks I am attractive enough, and is happy enough to stick with me, but that dos not mean he is THRILLED with me, and he could very well be settling with me because he likes me enough to be with, but not enough to REALLY like, if that makes sense to any of you). Can you give some red flags regarding a guys treatment of a girl? WHat are some signs that a guy does not truly respect you as a person, friend, and " partner"? One last description of our situation: Today he texted me asking what I was up to, if I had finished Uni yet. To which I responded with " I am sick" We texted back and fourth, and he did ask me " u ok, is there any food of DVDS I can get ya" I concluded the series of textsby saying " I want to have a quiet night taking it easy and rewading Uni notes, have a fun night out XOX" I also was bored tonight and tried calling twice. NO answer. He has crappy recention and it takes ages for him to get calls when he is nto within a good range. I then sent a text explain that " lol, tried calling u, it sucks hwo I do not know many ppl around here to call some nights, hope we can catch up this weekend sometime" Another reason he may not have called or responded to my calls and texts is co she is busy and does not want to. Although the worst case scenario is that he has stopped liking me as much, although nothing has changed or happened since we last saw one another, and we were close and " normal" the last time we daw each other. So: this guy does not us ethe term " gorgeous" when he regularly talkjs to me, although he calls me " babe" sometimes. this could be down to lack of experience with relartionships on his part. WHat do u all think, hsi is laid back attitude and the fact he does not constantly explain he misses me and how beautiful I am mena anything bad?
somedude81 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'd say he likes you, but you seem very self-conscious. Just relax and don't worry about him not calling you gorgeous every day.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 How about this- when you are in a casual relationship, you do not go around wondering if a guy who likes you for a booty call actually likes you more than a booty call.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 Well, I have stared Uni, and have a meaningful life, after years of having an body image disorder and having nothing besides being thin to live for. I guess I just need to practice having a life lol - if I have a good life, I will not need him to insessantly tell me he thinks I am fantastic- I guess that over time, we shall both see how we end up feelings towards one another, and I will know how he feels through how he acts. I guess I have not dated a guy in so long, that it makes me question EVERYthing loL! Which I think is natural; because I only HAVe just started to GET a life and in the past I had no life and would throw all my eggs in one basket and make ALL Myt life about the guy I was with. ANother reason do not think it is bad that I question things is that guys have differnet ways of expressing their feelings towards girls they like, and I think I just want to know if he likes me a lot haha. I am done with the questioning not though, because I know that I need to get busy building a good life for myself, which has nothing to do with some guy I am getting to know!!!! On a positive note though, I have much developing to do as a person, attributed to the fact I had no real personality or strong sence of who I am when I had nothing going on in my life. This is positive, because not that life is where heading wher eit should be, I can only become a better version of who I am, seeing as I am doing more of the right things in order to have a better life.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 How about this- when you are in a casual relationship, you do not go around wondering if a guy who likes you for a booty call actually likes you more than a booty call. I agree with you here, however, our relationship is slightly different' we met, and he said he likes me a lot and he thinks we have something special. He loves to party with his friends, however, does not seam go out and hook up with other girls. In fact, he has told me he would not be okay with me seeing other guys, because he has feelings towards me. Of course, he could just be being selfish, and not want me to see other guys because he is a selfish persona nd wants me all for himself for his own ego ( he cannot handle be liking people more than him and he needs to eliminate any feelings of inadequecy it would place on him). When I say casual relationship, I mean that both of us were not out to find a person to settle down with, because neither of us like the idea of settling down yet; although we have both said they we are open to loving a person and getting very close in a relationship, but without wanting kids or necesarily staying with the person who long..
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 You know, initially I assumed that because I am just looking to date ( i want to enjoy the company of one or two guys at a time, without getting serious unless I know we are very suited to each other in a long term thing). I have had offers and options' one guy, for instance, wants to " see" me every so often for sex and good company, however, the problem is, the guy I am seeing acts as though he has feelings for me when we ARE together, and therefore I have not yet shuit off my feelings towards him, as we do act like we are together as a couple, albiet " early days" and " still getting to know one another". I would be happy to adapt to seeing other guys occasionally, and leaving the notion of him and I in any sort of relationship besides casual sex and dating, however, he has not giv en me the go ahead to do this. He acts like he likes me enough when we are together, enough to care if I get feelings towards another guy. Again, I do not know him that well, and dthis could be put down to his own need for a girl to only like him and only him for his esteem issues.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 ACTUALLY wait, I have a good idea!!!!!! I should discuss with him, about how until we get to know each other enough to KNOW that we both want to be together and that we BOTH are suited enough and like being together enough to be in a relationship........ UNTIL we are at that point, which ONLY comes through getting to know a person, that it is a bit SILLY to act like we are only supposed to date each other and no on else. Who is to say we like each other enough and want to be together enough at this early stage, to remain faithful? I have not met a guy I really like enough to want to date also, however, if I did I do not see a reason to miss out on the company o fanother guy. I do not want sex every day or to sleep around, however, me and the guy I am seeing bascially acted like we were only for each other, the day we started dating....................... He is obviously inexperinced when it comes to having girlfriends, and he has said he has never introduced a girl to his friends before or had many girlfriends. so far, we have acted like we are together and that we do not want to see other people; he acts like he likes me enough to not want me to see other guys, and we both have feelings towards each other.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 update: he texted me when he was in bed at his friends, saying " hey, miss you in chris and Kates bed ( we slept in their bed the one time went to their house with him), with u were here, going to do " _________ insert activities" tomorrow u should cum" The thing is: I got myself off in bed, 3 times in a row, and came very hard LOL - so I do not feel the need to see him, unless their is gthe sex and companionship together. The day or two after I get myself off, I am not as horny, and do not feel the need. I am dealing with insomnia and Uni too, and feel like having a day dedicated to reading Uni books, and doing gentle exercise and generally trying to alleviate the insomnia I am battling. I am not going to text him back, I will wait for him to call me, and will tell him of my plans to chill at home, and suggest that we should hang out tomorrow. My theory is, let him do some of the calling and initiating things; I tend to be a person who initiates and lets guys know I am interested, and I still think it is cool do DO That with this guy, just not all the time. The one thing I have to figure out with this guy is: when we are together, it feels GREAT, it is only when we are apart that I feel that he does not like me enough due to a varity of reasons ( he does nto call me pet names like gorgeous enough), and the way he has friends and has no need to text me or blatently act like he is head over heals for me. Obviously, I am being irrational: we do not know each other well enough for him to BE genuionly infatuated with me to the extent of him saying how much he likes me and etc......
xpaperxcutx Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I think you should find a new hobby besides constantly obsessing about whether a guy is into you or not. And he really isn't since he never contacts unless he's looking to hook up.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 I think you should find a new hobby besides constantly obsessing about whether a guy is into you or not. And he really isn't since he never contacts unless he's looking to hook up. you sound like quiet the pessimist. I have already stated that I realize I need to get a life so that I do not care if a guy likes me or not, and I am getting a life. I have Uni and I enjoy my own company and etc, and am doing things so I do not need to care if a guy likes me. I am doing the right things so it was totally uneccesary to tell me to get a new hobby so that I dont obsess over a guy; I am aware I need to do this and am doing it. I love typing online to people to discuss my love life and it comes across as though I care a lot about the guys I writw about, cos I love writing a lot about them in general. I just like talking about things, that is all. Lastly, we have hung out besides the sex; he likes doing things with me that friends do together. I am not just a booty call, however, because he is inexperienced with relationships, he may be acting like he likes me a lot ( he has said things like he has feelings for me and cares if I do things with another guy and etc). I have also asked him if it is just about sex with us, and told him I am not looking for anything serious and that I am fine with just being frinds with benifits. He is the one who has said he thinks we have something special, and that he sees me as more than a friend with benifits. I gave him the option of friends with benifits, but he said he has feelings and even cares if I get with other guys.
depplover_1980 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Stop analysing, start living. Enjoy what you have now and the future will take care of itself.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 That is what the guy and I am seeing think. We definitly both hate the idea of settling down at our age with ONE person for many years, however, we have both said that we are open to falling in love and being very close to a person ( just not for ever). He is inexperienced with relationships, as am I, which is why I have wondered about things. He has not had many girlfriends or even introduced a girl to his friends, but he is not ap layer either, in that he does not need to and has never seen more than one girl at a time. He loves sex, but he just does not have the desire to sleep with more than one girl at a time; he likes life and adventures and doing things with his time and in spite of his love of sex, is happy living life without having heaps of it with multimple girls at once. He texts me every day at some point to at least say hello, he is just an easy going guy who is happy with hsi friends and does not need to see me every day or talk on the phone every day and constantly profess his feelings towards me. I am genuinly facinated by the different types of relatinships people have, and like to talk things through - that is all this is, I like to know what people have to say about these sort of things.
depplover_1980 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Well it sounds like you both have good communication going on which will stand you in good sted. The fact you're on a similar wavelength is also a good sign. It is early days and he sounds into you for the stage you're at really. The proclaimations of love etc come later when you are relaxed and both confident in your feelings. When he does get round to saying it you will know he genuinely means it, which is all you can hope for in reality. I think it's going well. Just keep that little voice of niggling doubt away and go with the flow.
alethean Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 He definitely sounds like he likes you. Whether or not he actually wants a long-term relationship with you only time will tell. I don't think the pet names is anything to worry about. Sometimes people don't like pet names. Your idea in talking to him about seeing other people is a good one.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Thanks guys, it was rather good that we both feel the exact same way about relationships ( we both HATE the idea of spending the rest of our lives with ONE person, and DO NOT think it is something either of us will ever aspire to, until we get old lol). The other thing that we also agree on, and that I actually made him think about ( he had never thought about this), is that we both see nothing wrong with falling in love and actually getting really close to a person in a relationship, and having a short but awsome time together without wanting to settle down permenantly. Neither of us have ever been in love before, so we are both heading into unfamiliar territory. We both have chemistry and genuine feelings there, and I guess I am excited to see where it goes! I didn't respond to his text earlier, and in the arvo he did end up calling, asking what I was doing; I said a mate may be comming over later. He said I didnt respond to his text. I explained that " oh I had a docs appointment then went to gym and just got back really". I am not sure if he was bummed that I didnt respond lol, but his mate arrived so he had to go, said he would call later. For me, the hard part is how it feels SO good when we are together at times, and then when apart, how he may not over flow my phone with texts that say " hey gorgeous" and " have beautiful dreams beautiful" lOL... which I would hate any way hahahaa ( no offence so the guys who call their partners these things!). I guess I like the notion that IF and WHEN he does call me gorgeous and beautiful, it will be genuine, seeing as he does not just throw those terms around loosely.
Jannah Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 So you've both established that your just sex buddies. Great. What's the question again?
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 uhh no, we both are friends, he has told me he wants to become good friends with me and do things with me as FRIENDS, and he hjas said several times that he has feelings for me and would not want me to do thing with other guys. We just do not want to settle down. I TOLD him that is is FINE if we ARE just sex buddies, but he declined this notion, saying that he thinks we have somethiing special and that I am not than just a friend that ****s him. MY question is how to find the balance between keeping thigns casual and a fully fledged relationship, however; I am finding that it is best o just see what happens and take things as they come and just act normal and be myself and the obvious stuff. Only time will tell if things are supposed to progress. If not, I have started Uni last Monday, and know what career I want, and also love keping fit and have things in life and I am very eager to keep developing as a person, and become a better verson of myself, which means things will turn out well for me regardless of wheater this guy is right for me or not.
ReadyforLove Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Hey Leigh, I think you are doing a good job so far by not scaring this guy away. You are going easy with the calling and letting him initiate text messages which is great. I think this guy does like you by what you have described. So just take things easy, don't rush or over analyze things. Just let it develop naturally. Good luck!
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