czen Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Hello, I'll try to make this short: I've kind of fallen for my best friend. She's a really busy girl as she works a lot, needs to work pretty hard for school, commits a lot of time on playing sports and she also has a lot of family issues. Now, I've talked to her about how I felt. She first told me she wasn't really sure what she felt either, and that we should just wait and see what'll happen between us. We didn't talk a lot about our feelings after this, although I know she really values me as a friend. Two months later, she talked to me again about this topic and she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and that she didn't feel that way for me, nor does she do for anyone else. As she just wants to concentrate on her own life and get everything right with her family, get good grades for school, etc. She just doen't have the time for a boyfriend at this point in her life. Now, my first reaction was "that is total BS". If you truly want someone you wouldn't be stopped by things that were happening in your life that required your attention. Love conquers everything, and if she doesn't feel it now, she won't feel it later on. Now my question is: was my initial reaction correct or not? I've been questioning my judgement for the last few hours, as getting a girlfriend is a really important part in my life, so maybe I'm seeing this situation too much from my situation, as I know she doesn't really need to have a boyfriend in her life, its not important to her at all. I know she doesn't love me now, but is this solely because I'm just not the right one for her, or was her reason for that it's just not the right time for her a legitimate one? So any input would be appreciated.
Author czen Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 Does anyone have something insightful to say about this. I'm not planning on waiting for her if it truly is a legitimate reason, but I still would like to know, if there's a chance she's telling the truth.
kinsey Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 She said she doesn't feel that way for you. I think that's all you need to know.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 You were right, she is BS-ing you. At least she told you she doesnt feel that way for you straight up, but she decided she cant deal with that, and she threw in the "no time for a bf" BS line to keep you away from her. Then when she actually starts seeing someone, and you ask her, "hey wtf?" she will tell you that she isnt seeing him seriously, or whatever exscuse she can come up with at the time. So now that you have crossed the friendship line, I say its right time you cut her off for a few years.
alethean Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I don't know. I personally don't believe that love conquers all. Last year I wouldn't have dated anyone, whether I was into him or not, because I was not emotionally prepared for it. Um, let's just say I had a lot of issues. I had to let go of an amazing person because I felt that I would suck him dry if I were to engage in a relationship with him. He was a one-of-a-kind individual. I haven't met anyone with such a good heart either before or since. I really didn't want to ruin him. (Though I have to say, I gave myself too much credit if I thought I could ruin him. But that's neither here nor there.) Anyway, I don't know your friend, but I just wanted to share my thoughts to give another perspective. One thing I would say is that I wouldn't recommend waiting for her either way.
Sabali Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I had to let go of an amazing person because I felt that I would suck him dry if I were to engage in a relationship with him. Now, being sucked dry is not always a bad thing. Do mean sucking him dry of cash, emotions, or... "suck suck" dry? One of these is wonderful while the others are not.
Author czen Posted March 6, 2011 Author Posted March 6, 2011 So now that you have crossed the friendship line, I say its right time you cut her off for a few years. What do you mean with cutting her of for a few years? I'm not sure what that'll accomplish. So could you please clarify? At the moment, I still think it's just BS. But logically speaking, I can see where she's coming from and it kind of makes sense, I think. I think I'm just going to wait for her a couple of months, and then she'll be done with school and she probably won't have that excuse anymore. If she comes up with another one then...well then I'm definitely giving up on this one.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 What do you mean with cutting her of for a few years? I'm not sure what that'll accomplish. So could you please clarify? A few years meaning you have to wait until youre a pretty different person before she finds you attractive. More desired by women, more confident, maybe dress different, whatever. Right now, she isnt physically attracted to you. In a few years, when she gives up on getting the guys she really wants (everyone goes through this - hence your post) she might look at you differently. Right now, she looks at you and thinks of all the things that arent attractive about you.
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