willpower Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I've been thinking a lot about what went through my head and the things I've held onto in the aftermath of my break up (now almost 5 months ago). I've realised a lot of what I held out hope for is related to what she said to me and misinterpreting what it meant. The real deal is that if your sat there, and you tell them you love them and you want to be with them no matter how much work it takes to resolve things and they still say no then anything else they tell you is just noise which either consouisely or unconsciously is there to help them deal with things and make them feel a little less bad about dumping you. Some examples, "I could make it work with you, but..." ""I still cry about us" "If I come back I'm yours forever, if I dont I never was" I'm sure others have got even more confused messages and words than this but I think its important to put them where they need to be put - the bin. Alll they will do is serve out false hope and they are not real, if they wanted to be with you they would be with you. Secondly you must separate them from messages which were similar when you were together. Some of my examples: "you tick all of the boxes for me, no one will ever compare to you in my eyes" "I knew I'd marry you from our first date" Once again we'll all have these. I've realised I was making some sort of connection in my brain between the things that were said between us when we were together which she actually meant, and the things she said after we broke which were not coming from the same place. My mind was thinking "the words are similar to the ones I used to hear, so she must be feeling similar things for me still". This is not a good way to think. If they still loved you they would be with you. In short, think about if your doing this, and if you are then realise its a messed up connection to make and breaking it will aid the healing process. Its not a magic pill to get you better, but once I actually realised what I was doing it helped me take another step. Peace and love to all WillPower
huskers11 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Great post.. I am 5 weeks into the breakup. I will have to re-evaluate my hope and see if it's based off these missed directed signals! Hopefully I realize if my hope is unrealistic! Thanks for the help!
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