worldgonewrong Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Can anybody share stories of where NC/180 actually helped to get their spouse back? thanks in advance.
What_Next Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Yes, I can, my own. Read my thread (get coffee, it's MASSIVELY long). The 180 (well certain aspects of it) played a large part in my road to recovering my marriage. Now I was a moron and ran to other women, BAD idea by the way, but using a 180 style approach helped my wife realize what she was losing.
willowthewisp Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I've seen it work on here, but if your spouse is gone, like mine was, then you are actually giving them what they want. That said, you have no control either way and this way you help yourself to move on, if it makes them miss you all the better.
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 What_Next: read your book-length thread! OK, now you really weren't going straight NC -- I mean, for gosh sakes, there's considerable mention of you and your wife having sex at times! The very opposite of NC/180. Am I jealous? Why, yes - yes, I am. ;-)
What_Next Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 You are correct, but I was referring to after I had discovered her affair.
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 true, you're right. I hope you don't think I'm minimizing what you've been through -- you've maintained a steady, philosophical outlook each step of the way through your odyssey. I really do salute you.
What_Next Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I hope you don't think I'm minimizing what you've been through -- you've maintained a steady, philosophical outlook each step of the way through your odyssey. Heavens no. Oh trust me I've made MORE THAN my fair share of mistakes and blunders. My marriage is a light year away from being reconciled as of yet, but we are still together for some unknown reason.
trippi1432 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 It's worked for some by stories around here...but in my case, my exH threw any of those efforts in my face so he could move in with his GF six weeks after he left. Would have been sooner, but she had to throw out her husband that she claimed was just living there for 9 months until he could find a place to live. Just depends on the people, the background, the strength of the foundation of the relationship...and something I actually said almost 2 years ago.... "If only women could lay down their pride to be open and honest with their men with what they want and if only men could swallow their pride long enough to not think about what's in it for me, maybe divorce wouldn't be so rampant."
Author worldgonewrong Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 "If only women could lay down their pride to be open and honest with their men with what they want and if only men could swallow their pride long enough to not think about what's in it for me, maybe divorce wouldn't be so rampant." I like! the twist on that is: women expect men to be mind-readers, while men immediately think that any dialogue is ultimately criticism. Both sides gotta wise up.
russell1968 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I like! the twist on that is: women expect men to be mind-readers, while men immediately think that any dialogue is ultimately criticism. Both sides gotta wise up. I agree, guys just can't read between the lines .
trippi1432 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Agreed...my IC told me the other day that if only people could sit down with a glass of iced tea and calmly talk like adults about their issues, the world would be a happier place.
UnsureinSeattle Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Agreed...my IC told me the other day that if only people could sit down with a glass of iced tea and calmly talk like adults about their issues, the world would be a happier place. This. No sexist generalizations needed.
willowthewisp Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I agree, guys just can't read between the lines . Yeah but I was always honest and open with my ex, was told he was leaving because I was too opinionated! You can't win. This is what I have been trying to get at the last couple of days, you guys (and I realise this a generalisation) seem to like women who are YES women. Women who agree with you all the time, but what you don't realise is that they are playing you! Manipulation, please the man, use your body, use sex, be agreeable, don't express an opinion, don't be honest, don't be open but only do it long enough to get what you want from them, then get a new one. You guys think I am kidding? This is SERIOUSLY how my girlfirends treat their husbands, we sit in groups in coffee shops and they laugh at the way they have twisted a man round their little finger. If you guys really want to know what true love feels like, then you want a women who isn't affraid to express herself, to be honest with you, even in the early days. I get spam from an e-book I bought shortly after my ex left, one of those, how to get your ex back books , the other day I got mailed a new ebook preview for women who have gotten themself into the situation where they have pretended to be something they aren't to get their man and now they are in deep (as in engaged) how to get out of it, so you can be yourself but keep him loving you. SERIOUSLY guys, give us decent women a break and stop going for the manipulative yes women and get yourself a REAL women.
trippi1432 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 That's an interesting perspective actually Willow...women who have gotten themselves into a situation by pretending to be something they aren't. I mean if you are open and honest about being a strong woman to begin with, and that is what a man loves about you, why is it that this is typically what they come to hate about you? Yes, I realize that I just opened this up for a bashing....:o:o:o
trippi1432 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) Or...instead of looking at the 180 or NC...people could invest in this movie called Serious Moonlight with Meg Ryan and Timothy Hutton to learn a more "first hand" approach at saving their marriage. I knew there was a reason why I invested in duct tape...I only used it on my daughter once because she begged...but never thought about duct taping my husband to the toilet....d*mn...if only this movie had come out a year earlier ...and if only life came with a script...sigh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCsU_19Clyo Edited March 5, 2011 by trippi1432 Posted the wrong link
Yasuandio Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 (edited) Heavens no. Oh trust me I've made MORE THAN my fair share of mistakes and blunders. My marriage is a light year away from being reconciled as of yet, but we are still together for some unknown reason. "Critique" Oh, Trust Me! "Nothing Like A Vote of Confidence" This sounds like the What_Next I learned about in "his" massive thread, that suddenly ended for a reason. Anyone who read it knows what that reason is. After spending a good deal of time reading the material offered up on this post, this is one to which I will make some extended comments. When I clicked over to the link provided for DoneWrong, by the end of the six pages, I made an observation. It appeared to me that What_Next was, like totally, highjacking DoneWrong's thread. After hours of reading of What_Next long saga, what does DoneWrong's thread illustrate to me in light of the 59 pages read just previously. Hmmmm... IMO... WHAT_NEXT IS A CONTROL FREAK!!!! Dear What_Next, Why haven't you just had the bloody scarlet letter tatooed onto her forehead? What a monster ego trip you must be on. I will tell you What's_Next big shot, in the end, she will hold the same amount of PA resentment as you have. As reconcilation on your part has been a sham! While your wife entered reconcilation with good faith, you have been trudging through it like a stubborn mule with an admitted "little hope" type attitude (e.g., bad faith). I also predict your wife will be entitled to some comtempt towards you, because you have rammed the marital disintegration down her throat unmercifully, as well as tormented her through a purposful, malicious, and never ending paranoid guilt trip. OK. Of course, your wife does not get a free pass. But when will you stop making her eat sh-t? The way your wife humbled herself on the LS forum to please you and kiss up to your ass makes me want to puke through my nostrils. The handle she selected for herself speaks to her self esteem; I mean, did you have anything to do with that? There is something wrong with this picture (yeah, like Husband's Mommy is living in marital apartment when couple has 100G income, duh?!?!). First of all, DoneWrong begins to open up and discuss your marriage, then, BOOM, she's off the radar. There is some reason this girl shuts down. And her mistakes in the marriage were precipitated by something, such conduct from an adult woman with 11 year old child does not just happen out of the clear blue sky. There are missing pieces. Mr. effing self-rightious, (while this is only my opinion and gut instinct) I am absolutely certain that you are guilty of each and every EXTREME offense you were able describe in such detail. You are like such a dead givaway. Check this, I'll give you one example of your possible Freudian slip-ups. The (a) "sudden appearance" of the on-line chatting/dating/hooking-up/talking web-site, (b) defensiveness towards concerns expressed by LS posters, © the eventual outcome of meeting, dating, getting emotional, becoming sexually initmate with a new partner(s) could, (at the very least), suggest that you may have some previous experience with that IT medium. Well, that's surely enough for one book report. And no, I am not Corporal! I'm just presenting a position that some may not favor. I wish you the very best of luck in your "reconcilation," and hope you can gain some insight from my perspective. P.S. You may be a Narcissist if you lack of empathy towards a person dangling from a strand of thread that may or may not break; control issues; and/or a negative response towards seeking or accepting medical\theraputic attention and advice, e.g., an "I know more than the doctor knows" attitude. THANK YOU WGW, GREAT IDEA! Yasuandio Edited March 6, 2011 by Yasuandio Needed more color.
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