charly26 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Hi: I read a previous post that I liked a lot and was very positive. It was about maintaining NC for more than 120 days and the benefits of it. In my case, it's been 65 days since our last encounter when she asked me to be friends. My answer was no because I know I'd be suffering being with that status in her life. Maintaining NC has not been easy at all. On some days, it's very easy to handle, but on some other I miss her like crazy because I want to know about her. I blocked her on facebook (it would her a lot to see her with any other guy in her profile pic), deleted on messenger (having her online and not to talk would be like standing at her house door waiting for her to go out and talk to me, besides I don't know why many women love putting subnick that refer to love or confuse people). We don't have many friends in common, and when I run into one of them, we never talk about the relationship. Even though I'm in my early 30's, she was my first serious relationship. It lasted only 5 months, but we dated before for more than a year. She's very young, and I expected her to be more mature for her age. That was a big mistake because I hurt her with words and attitudes. When I look back to those mistakes, I feel so bad. I wish I could change that, but now I understand it's impossible. Thank God, I have decided to maintain NC unless she changes her mind. I don't think this will happen. She told me the last time she didn't feel it anymore, not the way it used to be I assume she might be going out with another guy or partying a lot now that she's single. I was kind of possessive too when we were together. I don't know why, but I still have a miniature hope she'll realized that we could give the relationship another shot, but I try not to live my life based on that tiny hope. I'm afraid of not finding someone to love the way I love(d) her. I have read lots of posts here and encouraged myself that I can get over her and find someone who wants to be with me. Really hard. I don't have many friends to hang out and I think that's something I have to work with. I have too much time alone. NC is helping me. There are highs and lows. I usually use the mindset that I'm the prize and that it's her loss that she gave up on the relationship. It's a great tool to boost confidence and self-esteem. I'll resume my workout next week. I didn't do it before because of work. I don't know if one day we'll be able to talk like friends with no feelings involved. Now, I find it so hard to imagine. I don't know what will happen. She was my first love and the first person I fell in love with. I wish her the best. I read somewhere that in order to love is like riding a bike: in order to keep the balance, we have to keep on moving forward. And in order to move on, we have to let go of the brilliant future we wanted to have with them. Maybe these ideas might hep people reading this post and experiencing a similar situation. Thanks to the info I read here, I was able to keep my dignity and I didn't beg or plead to stay with me. Thank you people for sharing your experiences and for providing this site to write what we feel. It helps to. Have a good day
radrluv72 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Dude, I can totally feel where you're at right now. As of today, I'm officially 9 weeks NC myself, so that's 63 days for me. I implemented it on NYE, 3 weeks after my ex dumped me. He broke up with me, totally out of the blue 2 days before he deployed to Afghanistan...freaked out on me, really. Long story short, I think he got scared that I was too good to be true & that I wouldn't say faithful while he was away for 4 months. I think he'd been burned a couple of times in the previous year, namely once on his first overseas deployment to Iraq (he had told me when we started dating that 2 previous gf's from that year had dumped him because of "work" since he's active military). He was also younger than me (I'm 38, he'll be 25 next month), and it was also the first time that I'd ever truly fallen in love. I still love him as much as I did when we were together, and I know there's a piece of my heart that he will always own. NC has been good for me as well, but the one thing it hasn't done yet is put me back together 100%. I'm back to living my life--eating, sleeping, working out, putting myself into my job--but ever since the breakup 3 months ago, every day I still wake up feeling that something's wrong. I feel like a lampbase that got dropped & broken, glued back together, but there's a couple of pieces missing that can't be recovered. Most days are okay, but some days I start missing him more than usual, thinking about how I feel like damaged goods now...and I just start crying. I also try not to think about what kind of future we would have had. We had this incredible, beautiful beginning...it's far too upsetting to think about what may have been. I also wonder sometimes if he thinks about me, if he thinks about possibly contacting me...if maybe it dawned on him that he made a massive mistake and if he'd thinking about drawing up the courage to get in contact with me when he comes home next month. But I can't dwell on those thoughts. If I do, I start blaming myself for everything. I have to remember what my best guy friend told me...my ex screwed up, not me. And that I have to stop blaming myself, and that there's nothing I can do. If what my ex was feeling was too much & wasn't ready, even if he saw himself with me in the future, there's nothing I can do. What genuinely sucks though, is that as much as I've tried to jump-start my personal life again, it just feels like I can't meet anybody. And it's not because I don't think I ready date again...I'd love to meet someone new. But it just seems like there's no one out there right now that genuinely piques my interest. I don't think that I'm even trying to force anything. But I think that maybe I feel the way that you do...that maybe I'm never going to be able to love someone again the way that I loved--still love--my ex. I'm not a person that settles, but right now it just feels like there's never going to be anyone ever again...just a continuous long string of disappointments. It's a horrible thing to say, and tomorrow I may wake up & feel completely different about it. All I know is that even through 9 weeks of NC, I still wake up with this feeling in my chest, and I know it's my love for my ex. And some days, I wish that I could just hate the hell out of him. But my heart simply just won't let me. Oddly enough, I have sympathy for my ex because I can understand the "freak-out"...I've panicked before myself, but that was usually at the very start of something that I didn't feel right about...not ever several months into it, like he did. Literally 2 weeks before the split, we were telling eachother how happy we made eachother, that we didn't want to lose the other person...that we cared about eachother. I may never fully know or understand why he freaked out on me like he did, but I've stopped asking why. I need to take care of me. And I choose me...even if he didn't.
seanmathews3 Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Wow it would seem as if you were telling my exact story and i know how you feel my girlfriend and i dated for 5 months and the relationship ended because she didnt feel the same and she wanted to be friends.. but i know i cant be friends with nothing more because she was my first love and i too was falling in love..we broke up almost 2 weeks ago and it was NC for a few days at a time.. its day 2 of NC again and i plan on sticking to it.. i also have that little dot of hope i stand on that she will realize what its like without me and want me back.. and we are both young 20 & 21, im 20, but i am definitely more mature than her, at least i feel that way because she wasnt able to accept my attitude and stuff.. i too would do things different and better but its just impossible im on the same boat as to finding another person i would love like her, she was my perfect other half and i loved every dam thing about her and everything she did... i deleted the last of our facebook pictures and all thats left is for me to untag myself from hers.. its hard to delete her as a friend at the moment, because obviously i wanna see what shes up to but it just hurts when i see it involving other guys.. but the main reason im still her friend on facebook at the moment is because i want her to see what she is missing out on, im gonna live my life and progress and better myself and share it! best of luck to us both... i cant even see how i will be come day 65.. im barely on 2 :/
J0N Posted March 8, 2011 Posted March 8, 2011 Trust me. With time it gets easier and easier. Stay strong!
ResetReality Posted March 10, 2011 Posted March 10, 2011 I've been 7-8 months NC, and not a single word, and TBH I dont think she has got the bottle to e-mail me, selfish little bitch, I used to wish for an email off her, Just to know she was thinking of me, Even if it was a simple "Hello", something to restore my faith in her and think, "Hey, It's not that bad" but nope, not a single word I still remember her email and I work with her brother (awkward at times ) I could easliy ask question about her or pop her an email, then I think, WHY? She treated me like rubbish, I found that if I ever wanted to break NC, Stop for a second and think about all the negative they ever did to you Your love will turn into bitterness Your bitterness will inturn make you think that they are really not worth it I repeated the above steps until I felt no more, and now, i couldnt care less!
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