irc333 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I would like some responses from guys 35+ who are 1. Single 2. Never married 3. And have no children. This is kind of a serious question here., and I'm wondering if all of you have the same desire in a woman as I. I'll describe what you mean I would like a woman probably 30 years or older. I PREFER a woman without kids, however, I noticed women that are closer to 30, that WANT kids. Which makes sense, but when I start meeting women around MY age (late 30's and even in early 40's that DONT have kids...I'm finding THEY want to bear children...even at such a later age. I used to desire having children when I was younger, however, as I get older, that desire as waned hardly down to nothing. I prefer to date women WITHOUT kids, however, those women want to bear children....and I'm kind of suprised even 38 year old women wanting children. I am wondering if there's a way, to talk them out of it? So, I think I'd be better off dating single mom's, because, believe me, most single moms MY age have little or NO desire to start a 2nd family, esp. after a previous married life and kids. Though, dating single mom's might ALSO be an entirely different issue altogether. Guys, in my situation, any feedback here? It's kind of a stale-mate situation. lol
Eeyore79 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Most women who don't have kids, want kids. 30-ish women are approaching the point in life where they seriously want to settle down and have a family. 40-ish women are in the last chance saloon when it comes to having kids, so they want them even more urgently than younger women do. A man in his late 30s who isn't already committed to supporting someone else's kids is like gold dust to these women. You either have to look for one of the rare women who don't want kids, or date women who are too old to have them (i.e mid 40s). The other alternative is to date a woman who had kids when she was very young and they've now left home. Dating a single mom is a whole different ball game - if you're going to raise someone else's kids then you might as well have picked a single woman and had your own kids!
Author irc333 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 In a sense, I kind of feel ashamed for not really wanting kids.....when I was in my 20's, when I was finishing up my last days in college, A LOT of my college student/friends and co-workers had engagement rings, or had already gotten hitch (newlywed). As a part of their graduation agenda, they got married also...a double graduation whammy. I had high hopes like the rest of them, even raising a family. It was kind of a dream back in my mid 20's. But now....that has waned a way, and feel a bit saddened that it has. I have met women that are over 40, single, never married, no kids, and stated they dont' want kids.... I might've mentioned it on her, but she acclianed her own singlehood to her own selfishness. I might've mentioned she came close to getting married, twice, but the ex's were getting clingy at that point in the relationship, so they called it off. Apparently her hobbies were consuming her, (and not work at all, she works a basic 9-5 small town insurance company, weekends off of course). But that's just an example. But she was a RARE woman with the kind of "status" equal to that of mine, and those are few and far between indeed. lol Most women who don't have kids, want kids. 30-ish women are approaching the point in life where they seriously want to settle down and have a family. 40-ish women are in the last chance saloon when it comes to having kids, so they want them even more urgently than younger women do. A man in his late 30s who isn't already committed to supporting someone else's kids is like gold dust to these women. You either have to look for one of the rare women who don't want kids, or date women who are too old to have them (i.e mid 40s). The other alternative is to date a woman who had kids when she was very young and they've now left home. Dating a single mom is a whole different ball game - if you're going to raise someone else's kids then you might as well have picked a single woman and had your own kids!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I think there are alot of older woman who don't want children, you just have to be on the lookout for pefectionists who have a high status career and are afraid of getting fat. Chances are these women also have a fear of settling down.
Emilia Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I think there are alot of older woman who don't want children, you just have to be on the lookout for pefectionists who have a high status career and are afraid of getting fat. Chances are these women also have a fear of settling down. I'm one of those women that never wanted kids but I'm not a perfectionist, nor do I have a high status career (though it pays well) - it's true that I am afraid of getting fat. Not worried about settling down though. Would be very happy to stay with the same man for the rest of my life, I'm 38 years old. There are more and more women out there that don't want kids because we don't want to be stuck at home for months or years on end. I need to do new things, meet new people, discover new interests, develop new skills because I hate the feeling of being stuck in a rut. I'm very active and hardly spend any time in my house. I'm guessing this is why you get my kind more in larger cities rather than in smaller towns. It must be harder to find less traditional types in the provinces.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'm one of those women that never wanted kids but I'm not a perfectionist, nor do I have a high status career (though it pays well) - it's true that I am afraid of getting fat. Not worried about settling down though. Would be very happy to stay with the same man for the rest of my life, I'm 38 years old. There are more and more women out there that don't want kids because we don't want to be stuck at home for months or years on end. I need to do new things, meet new people, discover new interests, develop new skills because I hate the feeling of being stuck in a rut. I'm very active and hardly spend any time in my house. I'm guessing this is why you get my kind more in larger cities rather than in smaller towns. It must be harder to find less traditional types in the provinces. Sorry, but I had to stereotype because the majority of those who do not want kids tend to be more career oriented and thus, also slightly perfectionalist at their jobs. I'm from NY and I can agree that traditional views are slightly more unconventional than the unconventional views themselves.
mtber75 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 OP I thought your were a woman judging from your OP. I understand a woman's biological needs to have kids before its no longer possible. But for us guys, the decision can be prolong a bit more. I'm in my 30s and finally realizing that I need to be serious about starting a family. I don't know about you but I'm in the best shape of my live and looking forward to fatherhood (one day).
carhill Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 So, I think I'd be better off dating single mom's, because, believe me, most single moms MY age have little or NO desire to start a 2nd family, esp. after a previous married life and kids. That was my experience when I was your age. Additionally, most of the women who did have children and were single/divorced had teenaged children, so their years at home were short. I wanted to have a family so I married someone who was childless and presented herself as like-minded. I still love kids, but in more of a grandpa way. They can go home after the visit
sumdude Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 I'm 43 divorced with no kids. My ex wife was infertile and went through early menopause just when we were married and trying to conceive. At this point in life I still would like to have at least one or two kids but.. the situation would have to come first. As in the right woman has to show up and surprise the heck out of me for me to be willing to make that kind of commitment. In a few years though I'll be too old to be a dad. Not biologically but I try to imagine raising a teenager when I'm 60+ and the idea is daunting to say the least. So I may have missed the bus, which is OK but a shame. As far as being 'gold dust' LOL. It does seem that women in their mid-late 30's are starting to sniff around me a lot. I'm well employed, single, no kids, own a house, look fairly young for my age and in pretty good shape. IME women who are around 40 and have never been married usually have difficulty in long term relationships. Once the idea of commitment pops up there a fight or flight response. You'll see a pattern to their LTRs. Usually about two and out. Two being two years then they leave. Same probably goes for men. If you haven't been married by 40 it's not likely to happen. You're so used to being single and it's really hard to change your ways by that point.
USCGAviator Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Quit being so damn picky!! haha. I'm done having kids myself so I only date women with kids.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 My dad's best friend got married for the first time at 53 and had twins (boy and girl) at age 55.....he'll be 73 when they turn 18.
sumdude Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 My dad's best friend got married for the first time at 53 and had twins (boy and girl) at age 55.....he'll be 73 when they turn 18. Wow, paying for 2 college educations at retirement age. Hope he's well off.
Author irc333 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 The plus to dating single moms, is that they usually don't want any more kids (though on POF, it's a shocker that they have "Yes' for wanting children, even though they already have them) The challenge is dealing with her kids, if they're not necessarily the "little angels" SHE thinks they are, and you YOU think otherwise...it's pretty much soyanora after a kid, say keys your car or is hitting it with a bat, and you yell at her kid to knock it off, and she says, " don't you yell at my kid!" See ya, honey!
phineas Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 at 39 it seems EVERY woman pushing 40 talks about having another or a kid if they don't have any. I already got a 4 1/2 & 2 1/2 yr old. I do not want to go through another baby. Also, i don't need a 3rd child support payment.
Author irc333 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 ...another thing I wanted to add, but couldn't (because this site tends to time out certain times in the morning)....that its funny. Women at 40 either have 8 year olds or they could have kids that are just entering college age. I prefer dating the single mom's with college aged kids, because those kids usually aren't around much. (start of the empty nesters)
paleblue Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 38 never married no kids in my 20's & early 30's, yes i was interested, had my chances, but just never panned out. to be honest, having kids scares the crap out of me when i see whats going on in the world. it also irritates me to no end that school districts and governments tell you how to raise your kids. and the first time your kid gets bored and acts out they are sending your kid to a psychologist and telling you they have ADD and need to be on meds so they can get extra $$ for school funding. they will try to back it up with charts and numbers. and then you feel like crap. i find it enraging and am surprised more parents dont freak out on their school districts. now, my desire to have kids has taken a major back seat. sometimes i feel like i may be missing something and have a little longing to go there, but i dont have a strong desire to seek that out as my sole mission in life. if it happens, it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt. i will be happy either way. im actually becoming quite content with my situation. i can come and go, date when i want too. do what i want. and my life is a lot easier. ya, it bums me out a little when i see a cute kid. i know i would make a great parent, at least better than some that abuse their kids (which i freak out about), but what can ya do. as you, i prefer to date women without kids, but it is more difficult to find a suitable one. ive realised i have no desire to date a woman who has a toddler. not trying to be mean, but i feel like i might as well just get my own girl pregnant. i have no issues with women who have one, maybe two kids who are a little older, at least 5, or so. now im dating someone new who has a couple of older kids in their late teens. i felt weird about it at first, ive never gone there before, but the more i thought about it, i realised i dont have to worry about a lot. no babysitting, school stuff, homework, crying, drama. they just do their own thing at this point. and now im thinking i can probably get her kids over to my house to do some work for me here and there theres no need for you to feel ashamed. i can relate to feeling like maybe youre missing something in life, yes, but not shameful. there lots of people who dont want kids.
Disillusioned Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 I would like some responses from guys 35+ who are 1. Single 2. Never married 3. And have no children. Mememememe!!! Personally, I'd like to meet a woman who's only a week younger than I am, had a hysterectomy before puberty, and all her family members are dead. Ain't gonna happen, bud... that's why I bought my Realdoll.
Author irc333 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 ...I keep meaning to ad MORE. lol There was this one guy, in his mid 30's started dating this early 40's single mom of 2 rebellious teenagers, the daughter was worse than the son, even caused a ruckus during a family Thanksgiving dinner between her boyfriend and her. This guy has never been married, no kids, ...and I'm very suprised this dude still stuck around considering the kids behavior. I'm suprised he never fleed. Also, another issue, if a woman has FULL custody of her kid, and the kid is rather young (the father decided to just bail and have nothing to do with the child)...that could indeed be problematic, because she'll never have time for a new guy. I try to make sure the woman at least has shared custody.....so at least we can get a week off or weekend off while the father has the child.
Author irc333 Posted March 5, 2011 Author Posted March 5, 2011 There was this one guy I know, he was married, I think he was about 15 years older than his wife.....he said they decided on not having kids FOR that very reason, he didn't want to raise kids in a "society the way it is today". 38 never married no kids in my 20's & early 30's, yes i was interested, had my chances, but just never panned out. to be honest, having kids scares the crap out of me when i see whats going on in the world. it also irritates me to no end that school districts and governments tell you how to raise your kids. and the first time your kid gets bored and acts out they are sending your kid to a psychologist and telling you they have ADD and need to be on meds so they can get extra $$ for school funding. they will try to back it up with charts and numbers. and then you feel like crap. i find it enraging and am surprised more parents dont freak out on their school districts. now, my desire to have kids has taken a major back seat. sometimes i feel like i may be missing something and have a little longing to go there, but i dont have a strong desire to seek that out as my sole mission in life. if it happens, it happens, if it doesnt it doesnt. i will be happy either way. im actually becoming quite content with my situation. i can come and go, date when i want too. do what i want. and my life is a lot easier. ya, it bums me out a little when i see a cute kid. i know i would make a great parent, at least better than some that abuse their kids (which i freak out about), but what can ya do. as you, i prefer to date women without kids, but it is more difficult to find a suitable one. ive realised i have no desire to date a woman who has a toddler. not trying to be mean, but i feel like i might as well just get my own girl pregnant. i have no issues with women who have one, maybe two kids who are a little older, at least 5, or so. now im dating someone new who has a couple of older kids in their late teens. i felt weird about it at first, ive never gone there before, but the more i thought about it, i realised i dont have to worry about a lot. no babysitting, school stuff, homework, crying, drama. they just do their own thing at this point. and now im thinking i can probably get her kids over to my house to do some work for me here and there theres no need for you to feel ashamed. i can relate to feeling like maybe youre missing something in life, yes, but not shameful. there lots of people who dont want kids.
PurpleReign Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 In a sense, I kind of feel ashamed for not really wanting kids.....when I was in my 20's, when I was finishing up my last days in college, A LOT of my college student/friends and co-workers had engagement rings, or had already gotten hitch (newlywed). As a part of their graduation agenda, they got married also...a double graduation whammy. I had high hopes like the rest of them, even raising a family. It was kind of a dream back in my mid 20's. But now....that has waned a way, and feel a bit saddened that it has. I have met women that are over 40, single, never married, no kids, and stated they dont' want kids.... I might've mentioned it on her, but she acclianed her own singlehood to her own selfishness. I might've mentioned she came close to getting married, twice, but the ex's were getting clingy at that point in the relationship, so they called it off. Apparently her hobbies were consuming her, (and not work at all, she works a basic 9-5 small town insurance company, weekends off of course). But that's just an example. But she was a RARE woman with the kind of "status" equal to that of mine, and those are few and far between indeed. lol Guess I'm a RARE woman then. That's ok with me. Never did like being one of the flock.
PurpleReign Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Mememememe!!! Personally, I'd like to meet a woman who's only a week younger than I am, had a hysterectomy before puberty, and all her family members are dead. Ain't gonna happen, bud... that's why I bought my Realdoll. Don't know how old you are, haven't had a hysterectomy, and not all of my family members are dead, but I lost my mom when I was 7 (actually found her in her bed), lost my dad when I was 32. (I do have older siblings, but they all live about 2 1/2 hours away.) My body is still completely intact, but I have no children, never really had the urge. Maybe it's because I missed out on being mothered SO MUCH that I don't have it in myself to be someone's mother, IDK... (My dogs would disagree.) I own my own home. I have a decent, stable job that isn't all-consuming. I am smart, funny, loyal... I'm told I look 5-10 years younger than I am. (Have the butt of a 25-year old.) So, someone with me gets: No monster-in-law, Someone that will always work, (as long as I am physically able), Someone who can carry a conversation and make you laugh, Someone without baggage, (& MORE) SO, where are all the men? I don't think my standards are too high, although there are some things I won't tolerate. Maybe it's the area I'm living in? Do you suppose some men are intimidated by strong, hardworking, capable women? Do men still want women who totally depend on them? Tell me. Please.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 As a soon-to-be-divorced person seeing all the **** other divorcing people go through with kids and everything my desire to have kids couldn't be much lower and I am 27 The more I think about it the less I want kids. Maybe adoption in the future if I am married and stable, but no bio-kids. I would like to be a good aunt or sometimes babysit friends' kids but none of my own. I guess it comes down to finding a man (around my age I should add none of this 10 years or older crap) that feels the same way.
Disillusioned Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 SO, where are all the men? You pushed them away when they were in their 20s and really needed the emotional bonding but never got it... so now they've all got Realdolls or mannequins, and you missed the boat.
Knittress Posted March 5, 2011 Posted March 5, 2011 Wow, paying for 2 college educations at retirement age. Hope he's well off. I find this outlook interesting, and perhaps a tad embittering. My father is older. Everyone has been married multiple times and is solidly middle class. I've got over 70k in college debt and neither of my parents ever considered that they owed me jack... It's sweet that folks care about college, but it's hardly a prerequisite for parenthood.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 6, 2011 Posted March 6, 2011 I'm not the group the OP really wants answers from, but since the other women have chimed in.... I'm a never-married female, no kids, in my late 30's and have no interest in having children. Never did. Had surgery to correct some issues with a rebellious uterus, and I can't have children anymore. Don't really have a high status career, have gone through perfectionism rehab, and I do want to get married and try to cram in a lot of happy wedding anniversaries before the "death do us part" part. I thought I'd at least be engaged before I turned 30, but apparently during my 20's, the men were off bonding -- emotionally or otherwise -- with other women. Anyway, we do exist. (And are considered flawed freaks by some because of it.) I'm still hoping I won't have to settle for a Male Realdoll.
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