Perplexed81 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 So i guess it was inevitable......man i don't know how a split second can really mess things up. Tonight I went out with some friends drinking at a bar, got a little tipsy, and did it, I TEXT THE EX! Mother****er, not only that but i said the hell with it as well and sent a FB request to my EX PRIOR TO HER! What is wrong with me? I have absolute control but a few drinks just tipped my scale way in the other direction. WHY MUST I PLAY WITH FIRE? I sent this to my ex: Me: I'm gonna be going away for a while (Euro Trip), I just wnat you to know that you and makinlee (her daughter) have always had a special palce in my heart, and that no matter what happened with us in the past moving forward if things could have been done different I would have. Help please!
smudge21 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Relax mate, we all do stupid things when alcohol comes into play. Your text was honest and polite at least, rather than abusive. I bet going through your mind now is all those thoughts about her seeing this text and then what she must be thinking. Will she delete it, keep it, reply to it, laugh at it, cry at it... the truth is you don't know. So try not to beat yourself up over it. I've sent texts I regret, especially whilst trying to be on NC. The thing to try and remember is that it's done - what ever happens happens. Like I said at least your text wasn't nasty. It was nice and honest. Try not to worry about it.
Author Perplexed81 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 Your right, I no longer harbor any ill feelings so the abusive texts won't come from me, however your kinda wrong in whats going through my head. Seems like the only going through my head now is WHY DID I DO THIS and I WISH I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT! I wake up this morning, no reply at all. She replied to me asking if my passport was there, but no reply to this kinda of text, seems to me like she's way over it so the only thing I can imagine is her waving the text to everyone around her and laughing about how pathetic I am.
smudge21 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 This will no doubt fall on deaf ears as I know what you're feeling, but having this types of thoughts and regrets over something you've done and can't change are a waste of time. Should is the worst word in the dictionary as it's about things we regret but can never change. You've done something you regret, fine, we all do it, so you're not alone. I would just think to yourself "okay it's done, nothing I can do about it now. If she asks me about it, just see what her mood is and apologise if need be". Chances are she won't bring it up, but if she does, deal with it there and then. No point torturing yourself over something you have no control over. I replied to my ex's text two weeks ago. The ex I'm on NC over. I hated myself for it, and I was even sober!!! I felt exactly the same but then thought "okay, it's done, can't change it. It felt right at the time but now I feel bad". There's nothing I could do but move on and put it behind me.
Author Perplexed81 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 smudge: your very correct, its morning, the bad decisions have been made, i'm fine now, just kinda "wish i wouldn't have done that" but i'm not racking my brains over it. If she was unsure of her decisions prior to recieving this text, her decisions are probably much more crystal clear. By me texting what I text only served as clarification that she was right in what she did.
Bluebelle38 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Chillax. You are human and you had a few drinks and got a bit nostalgic. It was a nice text and in a way a nice way to end things. You weren't abusive or rude. Be proud of that. No more texts though. Your text was dignified. No need to whip yourself emotionally over it. Good luck
Author Perplexed81 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 Bluebelle: i was whipping myself over it last night, however now its morning, i'm sober, at work and the only bothering me at this point is just the thought of people sitting around laughing totally at my pathetic expense. It happened, its done, can't change it, your right though, no more texts. I wish my ex was normal and would atleast text back. Every single ex i've had, yea we went through the NC phase, then eventually someone reaches out, we talk about it and either we get back together or we don't and all the wierd feelings and awkwardness are put to rest. Apparently my ex isn't normal, she refused contact since day 1. Would return my texts only if it was something trivial, but any attempts in the past 5 months for me to try to talk to her about what happened have gone unanswered. I figured at the age of 30 adults could workout their differences in a more amicable way, instead of leaving all this doubt and unanswered questions in the air. APPARENTLY NOT.
Bluebelle38 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Trust me, it isnt about age. My ex is 46 and emotionally immature. You have to pity people that go through life like that. I question whether they are actually capable of a real, deep love. Your ex obviously just switches off, her choice. I'd rather be able to be an adult and question things and talk through things (whether that means working it out or not) than bury the past as if it never happened. Move forward knowing you have the capacity to be emotionally mature And there is nothing to laugh about re your text. If anything her friends would think: damn, he's a really decent fella
Author Perplexed81 Posted March 4, 2011 Author Posted March 4, 2011 Ok, its killing me, i'm leaving the most important reason why this thread even exists. I got off work at 7, went to a restaurant that my old roomate works at. When i got there I had something to eat and a few beers. He got off his shift and we both sat down and had a couple of drinks and talked about things and he brings the ex up. So more drinks are ordered and up until this point throughout all these months, I had the worst driven into my head by my own personal opinions of everyone else. In my head I had it out that all my old friends (that I had while with the ex) had turned on me since I hadn't heard from them since the breakup, the ex talked bad about me and all her friends were brainwashed. That she spoke ill of me to friends of mine etc etc etc. Well I live in a small town and there is only 2 places to go eat at and since my friend works at one you see everybody and talk to everybody and it came out.... He said, I didn't wanna mention it but I ran into your ex's sister and a couple of her friends a month back and i didn't initiate the conversation since it wasn't my place but her sister mentioned that her and her whole family loved you and you are good person but that I left my ex holding a huge bag and that thats the only thing that bothered them other than that, nothing really has been said. Seems like this entire time i've painted a worse situation than really was, these people didn't say bad things about me and apparently like i just said, made it worse than it really was. So after concluded our drinking session I went to another bar with other friends and after one too many, got to thinking about what my ex roomate had said and decided to reach out.
Chi townD Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Okay, well...things like this happen. Did it REALLY change anything? Nope! So, I would forget it and keep moving foreward. Forget it ever happened.
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