lovnlost Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Here goes...... I have known here since I was in the 7th grade 17 years ago. We havent met up or seen each other in about 13 years. She was married 6 years with 2 kids...with the house cars, husband with successful job and two amazing boys of her own. I was in a relationship for 7 years and have a 3 year old. When I got home we met up with some friends and things blossomed. We fell in love. She left her ex who she had been unhappy with for 3 of the 6 years. I left my ex who I had been unhappy with for about the same. Since before my child. We began a long distance relationship. About 2 hours apart. During this time we courted each other we fall DEEP in love. I know you have heard it before. But it was really special. I had that all knowing...."your the one" feeling that everyone seems to talk about. Recently broke up for the 3rd time a few weeks ago. She finished up her divorce which I was there for her for. The underlying theme in previous breakups was that she felt guilty about her kids. Saw how happy they were when the dad and her were in the room together. They took decent care of the kids....well her mainly. He was selfish about much. Wanting his free time all the time and arranging to do HIS things without the kids. Yet he still guilted her all the time that they should get get back together for the kids sake. And he still loves her more than the world....playing the sad me role while doing counseling and "look at my break throughs." Made her feel terribly guilty for him too because he didnt have much family yadayada.....so at the end he was asking her if he should take a new job that paid more and now look at me I have time to be home for you and the kids now. Can a marriage be salvaged in such a way by doing this to a women? Mid january we had an amazing weekend together. Made great love, smiled kissed, cared loved and left parted ways with smiles. The next two weeks was difficult with my college work and all. Her boys were not feeling well. Well,....we didnt get to talk much. I sent her a great poem and song expressing how I feel about her and that I am sorry I have been so busy. She came back with all this left field **** that made no sense. I accomplished what I set out to do a year ago (not saying what), I am happy now and moving on. I found myself. HUH? We made each other better. She hasnt had the best relationships with guys because they dont know how to treat her right. Well, I respected and cherished her. Made her feel that she was the only one, because she was. We learned amazing comunication from one another. The really good kind in relationships. Trust, honesty. Not hiding and so much more. Vulnerability. It was inreal. This was the kind of the relationship I knew could always be. Her too. We expressed it in every kiss and hug. Words and actions. It was real. Tells me she never loved more and I am so many firsts for her in love, sex, compassion...you get the idea. We shattered chains here. We fell in love with each others kids and talked of their futures as well together. Dreams ya know. Well....she dumped some feelings on my lap about how I made her feel like choosing to see my family on Thanksgiving then her after....odd I know. I had planned to move down there in the summer as well and I said I hadnt come up with a plan yet given that I just started a new term. It was all on my lap like she didnt have a part or say in what was going on. Anyway, in the last two seperations I tried to give her the space she wanted so she could figure out her kid and living situation. She came back to me both times after a couple weeks. I loved her so I said, go. Figure it out. Get what you need done to make your boys and you happy. Well....I am telling myself that again but with no communication from her. You see, I need closure personally to end. I had some things I wanted to say. She wanted the phone and we talked but I told her I was coming down soon and that we should really talk then and she said how week she got when I am around and that she doesnt know if she could take it. Well, I come down....Come to find out she goes away with her ex for the weekend. This guy who has been making her feel like **** for a year. Apparently now she is getting back together with him for the sake or her kids. I dont get it. After all we talked about how the kids need to see a happy mom and that they need to see you, her, pursue love so that they have a healthy understanding of what it looks like, sounds like, feels like from a loving couple. She said she knew, but apparently not. What worries me is she is coping with this by not dealing with us before she pursues this. Like I am swept under a rug. And thats not good because i dont make a good dust bunny. This guy knows that she loved me greatly and left him for me. She knows that we shared something spectacular that she will never find with him. But he has their kids together. I cant compete with that I guess. If shed only been patient and wait for me to move down. We arent talking and I almost screwed up any chance of reconciliation by trying to contact her for a week and even saying something to her mom which made her mad. You see, both her exes went wining and crying to her mom and she chose their side. Her mom gave me a stint like she is doing what she must and the kids are better off for it in the long run. Then I chose to differ and told her about he pursuit of love and am a first hand witness to this type or relationship, (Her and her family is as well) and that it destroys what a good relationship can be for kids watching from their angle. Misguides them. Anyway, yeah...Im that get back together guy. She is it. She decided without telling me, that we are on a no communication basis. Her and her ex have deleted their FB togother and now are in cahoots against me more likely as he knows what a threat I probably pose. And she may too on her heart. She has an amazing heart and capacity to love and care. Knows her emotions and acts on them. I cant tell you how refreshing that is. Yes I know she is an ex and this happened for a reason blah blah. But the catch is...when you know someone so well....their heart and mind. They possess a piece of your soul. And thats what is gone when she is not around. I am doing the best I can. No contact at all. The tears have stopped finally. my moods are better. Though I miss her dearly and worry greatly for her as I think the way she did this was all kinds of wrong for her. I truly want her to be happy which is why I will not say a word to her. I do sometimes feel I want her to know what she is missing...but thats ego...and I wont sucumb to that. More focus on my daughter. I am running and training, playing guitar and writing again. Concentrating on school more. Trying to fill the void though nothing really works like her. I was home in her arms. I have never known a home before. Im doing the right thing arent I? By staying away? By still doing what I should be and learning things a new. This was the guy she knew when she left. And if she returns, I dont want her to see a broken down fool like her ex was. I am trying to be strong. Please offer advice, ideas, concerns, anything. Yes I want her back...but am not going to go the extra mile. Every step I take forward she takes 2 back and I think she needs to figure this out without my influence yes? I have been killing myself without talking to her...wanting to know what she is up too. Trying to figure out the shoulda, woulda couldas and taking it all too personal. Right now I am wanting to know what she is experiencing and going through. How she feels and cares. Has anyone been in this scenario or similar??? Can you offer insight??? Thanks again....sorry about length. Thought people needed the bigger picture.
creighton0123 Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 You're in love with a woman who has no clue whatsoever what or who she wants. You're dating personified Confusion. Advice? Move on. This is a train wreck in the works. No relationship can operate on "what-ifs" and that seems to be all she's left you with... That may not be what you want to hear, but it still needed to be said.
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