pianoman30 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 Hi, First time poster and find the forums have some great advice. I'm currently about 3 weeks into NC after being in a summer romance for 2 months. A brief, beautiful relationship. It was refreshing to go out with a girl (I'm 30, she is 32) who had respect and was happy to take things slow which I respected (non sexual r'ship). There were no arguments or fights and the last message I had was looking forward to meeting up at a football game and her then cancelling as she was 'sick'. What followed was 5 days of insanity and regrettably she would have seen about 10 missed calls. Regrettably, I probably acted needy with the calls although I was concerned about her welfare. She broke up supposedly due to 'family reasons' and couldn't prioritise the relationship - yes some will say this is a pathetic excuse, it could be genuine - it doesn't really matter. I sent 1 text basically leaving the ball in her court and leaving the door open...and regrettably 1 email (a diary note) . The diary note was just basic a reflection of the relationship with the last line declaring my love - not begging or anything like that. I have been strictly on NC for 3 weeks now - it does get easier believe me. I just wish I had of gone strictly NC from the get go without the 1 text, 1 email. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I strongly believe the common theme that NC to be used as a way to work on oneself rather than a means to win back an Ex. The worst thing is not ever knowing what really happened or if my neediness ruined everything - something I guess I'll work on in my next relationship. Maybe one day we can reconcile but until then I'm maintaining (or trying to) solid on NC.
shawn923 Posted March 4, 2011 Posted March 4, 2011 well done. ive decided just about an hour ago to go NC lol... i made the same mistakes u did, but i begged for her back and got rejected on valentinesw day... so eventually today we got in a semi argument so i just said "goodbye".... and i promise not to hit her up unless shes crawling back lol...
Author pianoman30 Posted March 7, 2011 Author Posted March 7, 2011 the hardest in NC is when a significant anniversary pops up like a birthday. her birthday was last week as tempting as it was to send a card or flowers I couldn't give into that with 3 weeks NC already under way. Would have set me back to the beginning. General consensus around here seems to be 2 months for your ex to get past the intense emotions of why they left you and then another 2 months for the 'void' that they possibly might be missing that is you. Do people really think 4 months is general rule of thumb regardless of how long the relationship was be it 6 weeks or 6 years?
Miss_G Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 I have never done NC before as my recent break up was my first serious relationship. We have a child together therefore we cannot be completely out of contact. We had been friends since splitting 6 months ago although for the first 4 months we dated and were 'working on things'. Our official 'not getting back together' talk was 2 months ago. We have still been going out as friends to spend time with the baby together as we were going through some custody problems with his family (his parents were not allowed to see the baby because of an incident between them and my parnet. Long story!) This incident was resolved last week and ex and I went out for last time. I said that I did not want any more meetings because he did not want to get back together. He said he wanted to be 'friends' as he didn't want a relationship and couldn't handle it at the moment. He said he was enjoying our days out and wanted us to continue but as friends. I told him this was not an option. He said he needed time to think and then he would let me know if he wanted to continue seeing me and work on things or whether he no longer wanted to spend time together. He sent me a friendly message this morning asking to have the child this week with no mention of us. I had gone on LC and am sticking it out. I desperately want him back. I feel physically sick when I imagine life without him and have to cling to the hope that things will get better and I will look back and realise why he was not the one for me. He was my best friend and we had an EXCELLENT relationship. It was ruined by my PND after having our child. I became a cow and was extremely grumpy. I took things out on him and his family (who were very intrusive and rude at times anyway!) I know he has been left with a terrible impression of me as a person I am not. I thought I had shown him the side to me he fell in love with during our meetings and we had a great time but clearly it has made no difference. My only option now for my own sanity is to cut ties with him as much as I can and try and move on. Of course, I hope that he will come back but I know the chances are sly. Yesterday was a bad day. I hoped to feel better today but right now I am feeling pretty sick. I'm just hoping, seeing as you seem to be doing well, you can pep me up. I'm pretty rubbish at this NC/LC stuff. I just want to CRY all the time
PowerOfOne Posted March 7, 2011 Posted March 7, 2011 Varies. My ex ex came back 4-6 months after the breakup, mostly LC. Then 1 year after that (NC). Then 3 years after that (NC)! And I mean came back begging and banging down my door that has been mentioned a few times. But there is no rule. It really does vary from person to person. I know of people that have never looked back from a relationship. I think you have to keep in mind that if they do (big if) come back then what are they going to come back to? Be the kind of person that they look at and think "wow, I really dropped the ball letting them go!" Could there be a bigger boost to your ego then that?! I think not.
Author pianoman30 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 What do people think of Al Turtle's 'When to fold em' advice. It goes against the NC principle. (personally I feel it's too much contact) http://al.turtlecounseling.com/blog/_archives/2009/10/30/4366500.html I really want to tell my ex that I've been working on myself, seeking counselling and the like but I'm only 1 month into NC and her request was for space and I want to respect that for as long as I can. It's just at what point if both people are stubborn from making contact can you let you know an ex that you are working on yourself.
Movingthrough Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Hi, First time poster and find the forums have some great advice. I'm currently about 3 weeks into NC after being in a summer romance for 2 months. A brief, beautiful relationship. It was refreshing to go out with a girl (I'm 30, she is 32) who had respect and was happy to take things slow which I respected (non sexual r'ship). There were no arguments or fights and the last message I had was looking forward to meeting up at a football game and her then cancelling as she was 'sick'. What followed was 5 days of insanity and regrettably she would have seen about 10 missed calls. Regrettably, I probably acted needy with the calls although I was concerned about her welfare. She broke up supposedly due to 'family reasons' and couldn't prioritise the relationship - yes some will say this is a pathetic excuse, it could be genuine - it doesn't really matter. I sent 1 text basically leaving the ball in her court and leaving the door open...and regrettably 1 email (a diary note) . The diary note was just basic a reflection of the relationship with the last line declaring my love - not begging or anything like that. I have been strictly on NC for 3 weeks now - it does get easier believe me. I just wish I had of gone strictly NC from the get go without the 1 text, 1 email. Hindsight is a beautiful thing. I strongly believe the common theme that NC to be used as a way to work on oneself rather than a means to win back an Ex. The worst thing is not ever knowing what really happened or if my neediness ruined everything - something I guess I'll work on in my next relationship. Maybe one day we can reconcile but until then I'm maintaining (or trying to) solid on NC. Well man, most of us have done it. Its easy to sit down now and say you should have done this or that, but we only know that because of what we went through. What i tell people is when you go NC (only go when you are ready), the place that you were when you went NC is where you will end up if you dont go NC. In other words, if you do the needy stuff or things trying to make it work, at one point you will be in the same position, which basically proves you might as well go NC. Im still not with my ex, and i did some of the dumb things after the breakup, and i will tell you that if this ever happens to me again i will NOT do the same things ive done with her. I can honestly say that if it happens to me again and i "feel" a breakup coming or im dumped, i will not sit on it for more then a minute when it ends. In the long run i know (just like you do now) that no other way will fix your head besides just letting it go. When i say sit on it i mean begging, pleading, asking whatever. The fact is, the minute someone starts loosing that connection, you have a huge problem and nothing will fix it. IF it can be fixed it will only be fixed by them seeing what its like to not have you around - thats it. Dont beat yourself up, 90% of the posts on here are about what you are talking about, its normal after a breakup.
Author pianoman30 Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Well I've had a rollercoaster 3 months. I was doing really well - did strict NC for 2 months, Worked out everyday, lost 10kgs..even managed to get back online dating. I sent a thankyou for the breakup text after 2 months (no reply which was ok)..last night I was thinking I want to live with no regrets/only live once attitude and left a voicemail asking to meet for coffee at the weekend (following laws of attraction article). I'm not going to get a reply and I'm positive she wont meet. Guess i'm another statistic in failing NC. I feel I'm back at Day 1 of healing again. At least I know I gave it my all. I've deleted every msg, backup phone numbers..everything. Rather pathetic as it was only a STR.
Fufu Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 The thing I like about NC is it helps me to be calm and steady and not to be over-reacted, overly emotional.
Recommended Posts